


Let Me See You Stripped

by shadowinghope (maywemeetagainlove)



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Drama, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:24:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 90,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maywemeetagainlove/pseuds/shadowinghope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AH. "How many times has a girl heard it growing up? Wait for that one special person. Wait until you're in love. Wait until you're ready, you'll know when it's right. Wait, wait, wait. Well, screw that, I'm done waiting."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Making the Decision

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

I did everything I was supposed to do. I blushed and rolled my eyes, acting all embarrassed the first time my mom gave me the birds and the bees talk, but made sure to slyly ask questions here and there. I paid attention to the Health teachers over the years as they recited the importance of safe sex and most of all, abstinence. When girls in school started giving their virginities away like it was free candy around 8th grade, I stayed pure. I safeguarded my chastity and decided to wait for the right person, just like I had been told to all these years.

Sure enough, the right person did come along, around the end of my junior year.

His name was Edward Cullen.

He and his family had moved into town right before junior year began but he didn’t look my way once, completely unaffected by my presence, my existence was more like it. I wasn’t so lucky. He was the most gorgeous boy I had ever laid eyes on. The minute I saw him, I was irrevocably in love with him. His tousled bronze hair and his piercing green eyes. His smile was absolute perfection and every time I saw it, it made me melt inside. He was well-spoken, intelligent, polite and mature. There was not one girl in the school who didn’t blush and stutter like an idiot when he smiled their way.

He just so happened to be my lab partner in Biology. How I survived day in and day out, breathing with him next to me, I will never know. I was red as a tomato on a daily basis, I know that. He would try to make civil conversation when we had to do a lab but me being the way I am, I stayed completely silent, meek as a mouse, biting my lip, nodding, never meeting his eyes.

The more I think about it now, the more I scold myself for not seeing the signs sooner. How he talked more than normal when we worked together. How he kept glancing over to me when we were taking notes, forcing me to hide my blushing face behind my hair. How he had never paid any attention to any other girl when I was around, even my good friend Rosalie Hale, who happened to be just as in love with him as I was. Rose was a classic beauty, perfect in every way, matching him well, a real god and goddess. Any other girl would have been a better match for him. I was no idiot. I was as plain as they come, not to mention I was quiet and kept to myself and I couldn’t stop myself from going red every five minutes around him.

So, imagine my surprise when my own personal god turned to me one Thursday and asked if I would go out with him the next night. My eyes had widened in my shock and when I turned to look at him, he had smiled and I nodded, my mouth still hanging open. His chuckle was like honey to the ears, so smooth and golden was the sound. It made me die inside. Before I knew what was happening, he had gotten my number and promised to call later that night to decide what our date would consist of. When the bell rang, he grinned and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “Talk to you later, Bella,” he whispered before leaving the room and me swooning.

I nearly fainted that day.

Edward not only emulated physical perfection but he was an incredible boyfriend as well. He ended up taking me to Bella Italia, a nice Italian restaurant in Port Angeles, for our first date. He was charming, funny and just overall amazing, not to mention very interested in what little I had to say. And at the end, rather than kiss me like I was hoping, he repeated the kiss on my cheek and asked if he could see me again the next night. Like an idiot, I could only nod dumbly as I tried to recover from the tingling feeling on my cheek from his smooth lips.

It was official. Edward Cullen and I were dating. And I couldn’t have been happier.

He remembered every anniversary. He would walk me to every class, holding my books. He would pick me up for school and take me home. He brought me home to meet his family. His sister, Alice, even became one of my best friends. He never paid attention to any other female trying to get him to look his way. He only had eyes for me. All of my friends were insanely jealous, except for Angela of course. She knew how happy Edward made me and she was thrilled for us. He listened to every word I had to say and never once looked bored. He always told me I looked beautiful, never caring whether I was dressed up or just bumbling around in a t-shirt and sweats. He was polite and respectful to Charlie, who just considered him with a grunt upon meeting him and turned back to the television. Little did I know when I went upstairs to the bathroom quickly, he had threatened Edward’s life should he ever hurt me. Edward had taken it in stride and only told me later, chuckling good-naturedly, saying he understood, as I fumed. When I was having a bad day, Edward would show up with a pint of my favorite ice cream and let me cry to him if I needed. He didn’t care how many times I made him watch Sleepless In Seattle or The Notebook. He was just….perfect. It wasn’t long before he was telling me he loved me.

He never pushed me like most guys would have. I was usually the one pushing him. I had known since the very beginning that he was the one I wanted to lose my virginity to and I didn’t see the point in waiting any further. But, after our kissing would turn passionate, he would gently move away and insist he wanted both of us to be sure before moving forward. I would hate it then, being caught up in the moment before having ice water thrown on me, but later, I would be grateful for having such a considerate and wonderful boyfriend who understood myself better than I did, it seemed.

I guess maybe I should have pushed him more or seen that I was becoming the aggressor when it came to any physicality in our relationship. But, nope. I was completely oblivious and stupidly in love.

That love was completely shattered when I found him in a small room at the country club our prom was being held at. He had wandered off earlier, leaving me alone in the massive room packed with bodies, and when he didn’t return after a while, I set out in search to find him.

And find him I did.

Along with an employee of the club.

“Bella, love, this is not what it looks like,” Edward called to me frantically.

It was exactly what it looked like.

Before I could make a sound, I saw that the employee was not a hot girl that had managed to turn his head from me, but a boy. A good looking boy, who appeared to have copper skin and short dark hair. The boy smiled sheepishly at me, his white teeth gleaming, his dark eyes apologetic, as Edward let him down and he quickly got redressed, tucking his shirt back in and zipping his pants up. He fixed his uniform and rushed past me, not meeting my shocked gaze.

“Seth, wait….,” Edward pleaded. He fixed himself as well, noting the burning in my cheeks as he stood there in all his glory as I stared at him. I somehow managed to avert my eyes and turned to leave. Edward grasped my arm gently, stopping me. “Bella, I….I don’t know what to say other than that I’m sorry….I can’t help it….I….I met Seth a little while back and things just kind of….I was going to tell you, I just….prom was coming up and I didn’t….please, Bella, please know how sorry I am….don’t….” He sighed heavily. “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

I was angry, turning on him in a fury. Was that all he was worried about? Me telling everyone? What about me? What about our relationship? What about the fact that I was head over heels in love with him? What about the fact that my heart was breaking? What about…. I couldn’t bring myself to say any of those things and I ended up yanking my arm back and leaving. I had gone back into the main room, grabbed my things from our table, ignoring the worried glances my friends sent me, wondering what happened, and marched outside. There I called Angela, asking her to come and pick me up, since she had opted to stay home even though it was our senior prom. She was there in fifteen minutes.

I sobbed the whole way home, so much that Angela had to pull over and held me as I cried. Edward Cullen had broken my heart. I guess, in a way, he had cheated on me, but in the end, I couldn’t be mad at him for it. It was something he couldn’t control, couldn’t help, and I knew he truly did care for me and hadn’t wanted to hurt me. He was just in love with someone else. And he was scared to tell me, to tell anyone. How could I blame him for what had happened? Even though I had finally reached that understanding and forgiven him, it definitely took me a long time to get there.

I ignored him the next few weeks, never letting him see me cry like Rose had said. He tried to talk to me, calling constantly, but I stayed silent. I knew he was worried I would tell his secret but I never would. Only Angela and Rose knew, they both had helped me deal with my heart break, been there to support me and help me pick up the pieces. Telling Jessica would have been like grabbing a bullhorn and announcing it to Forks myself. I loved the girl but she had a big mouth. Alice, not knowing the real reason Edward and I had broken up, became more and more furious with me as she saw her brother bending over backwards to mend things between us and me continuing to avoid him like the Plague. And she became even more enraged when Edward and I both refused to tell her what was going on. Mine and Alice’s friendship fell through that month.

It wasn’t until the night of graduation, at a party Rose was throwing, that I finally spoke to Edward and forgave him. He had been so relieved that I didn’t hate him and he never knew just how much it hurt to see him smile at me the way he did and not run off to cry over what I had lost like I wanted to.

But eventually, I moved on. Edward and I stayed friends and we still caught up with each other every now and then through phone calls or emails.

I had applied to UW and gotten in. Jessica had as well and her dad was able to work it so that she and I were roommates. Rose decided to give modeling a try and moved to Seattle, instantly getting a nice apartment with her parents’ money. Angela moved in with her, taking the spare bedroom. She had decided to take a semester off and try her hand at working. A surprise move for Angela to me. Out of all of us, she was the most likely to go to an Ivy League school and graduate, top honors, but she said she was most comfortable taking a breather and trying to figure it all out. So, all four of us became inseparable. Rose, through the contacts she had made, got into some great parties, not to mention the ones that were being thrown near the campus.

I, not being a party person, more often than not, showed up to these soirees to pick up a severely intoxicated Jessica and take her back home before she could get herself into more serious trouble. Rose would watch her until I came and then I would take Jess back to our dorm and sneak her in, past the RA. How I ever managed to do that when Jessica was giggling nonstop and whining loudly, stumbling all over the place, as I led her back up to our room, I will never know.

And that was how I met Colin.

He had seen me struggling with Jess at one such party, to get her out to my car, and offered to help me carry her. At that point, I was exhausted of any energy to keep fighting with her that I accepted gratefully; she had wanted to stay. He picked Jess up in his arms, bridal style, and carried her outside with me leading the way. She was hiccupping and giggling, asking him if he wanted to come back to our dorm room and see her bed; I knew at that point she was extremely wasted and he just smiled indulgently, telling her maybe next time as he shut her door gently. I thanked him and went to leave when he put out a hand to stop me. He asked me if I was Bella Swan and when I didn’t answer, wondering how this guy could possibly know who I was, he reminded me he was in my Philosophy Class. It suddenly dawned on me that he was right. We had never spoken before but I remembered seeing him, sitting in the class. He went to say something else when he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and a disgusting retching sound. We both turned to see Jess getting sick, leaning heavily on the door. I rushed to her side, waited until she was done, took a tissue out of the glove compartment and handed it to her. She held it to her mouth and I leaned her back into her seat. I shut the door and ran to the other side.

“Sorry,” I called out to Colin. “I have to get her home. Thanks for your help. I’ll see you in class.”

Colin waved. “Definitely.”

I jumped in the car and took Jess back to the dorm.

A few days later, in my Philosophy class, someone leaned against my desk at the end of the session. I looked up to find none other than Colin, smiling down at me. “So, Bella, how’s your friend feeling? Any better?” I blushed and dropped my eyes, focusing on gathering my books. “She’s feeling much better, thanks.” I stood up and he followed me out the door. “Good,” he grinned at me. “That means she can take care of herself. Are you free tonight?”

I stopped and stared at him, shocked that this guy I had barely known existed until a few nights ago had just asked me out. He was rather attractive. I knew him to be from La Push right away. A lot of us from Forks and La Push ended up here if we didn’t travel down to California or across the country. He, too, had copper skin and dark eyes and black hair, also cropped, just like Seth’s had been. That thought made me wince internally. “Well, uh….the thing is—“

He smiled at me, his coffee-colored eyes twinkling. “Please?” He asked softly. And I was a goner.

Colin Littlesea and I dated for about two months. Two amazing months. He was completely different to everything Edward had been, something I took to be a good thing. He didn’t remember dates, he most certainly didn’t show up with a pint of Chubby Hubby for me to dig into when I was having a bad day and he absolutely refused to sit through any chick flicks with me unless making out at some point was on the agenda.

That’s not to say that he didn’t care about me; he did.

He was just different. He and I certainly fought a lot more than Edward and I had. But it usually ended in a hot makeout and groping session. If I was upset, he let me cry on his shoulder and rubbed mine, soothing me, offering to kick the person’s ass that had been mean to me and turned my day into shit. He was most definitely the aggressive party in the relationship, something that thrilled me to no end, knowing how much he wanted me. But I had successfully held him off for two months. It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready or didn’t think Colin wasn’t the one (experiencing college life, that final step before being launched into the real world, had rid me of any fairytale notions about sex and romance), but something made me wait. Whether it be fear of my first time and not being experienced (he definitely was) or remembering what I had been told all those years about waiting to be in love (I loved him but head over heels in love with him? no) or some strange combination of the two, I held myself back. He wasn’t pleased with it but he understood. It didn’t stop him from trying to constantly break my resolve. I had learned very quickly to never wear skirts around Colin.

More than once, he had snuck his hand down into my underwear only to have it yanked back out again. He had also placed my hand on his all too obvious erection during these times and begged me to touch him. I had a couple of times, feeling weird and guilty as I did it. I had been curious but the curiosity was pretty much dashed when he came in my hand the first time. I was more grossed out than anything and mortified when he asked me to clean him up with my tongue since I had been such a bad girl and made a mess. I had quickly gotten to my feet, ignored his pleas and apologies, wiped my hands and left his dorm room, slamming the door.

We had talked later that night on the phone and after accepting his thousandth apology, we had an understanding that my mouth would not be going near _that_ anytime soon. He told me he loved me and would wait until I was ready, apologizing again. I told him I loved him, too, and agreed to see him the next day. I had taken a longer shower that night, scrubbing my hands vigorously.

By the time I was ready, we were nearing our two and a half month mark. At that point, we had graduated to him rubbing me on the outside of my underwear which always made me want more and I would grind into his lap, into his covered erection, tenting his jeans. We had dry humped a couple of times, me even allowing him to take my panties off once and feel him rub against me, getting wet spots on his pants. He would always groan and beg for me to allow him to stick it in, just the tiniest bit, but I never gave in. I wanted our first time to be special, not take place in the library in the back at a desk and not in his dorm room while his roommate Brady was in the shower, most likely just running it so he could listen to us have sex and touch himself. Colin had told me he was a perv that way.

I had gotten very good at hand jobs by then, under Colin’s instruction, and didn’t mind it when he came each time, coating my hands. It took me some getting used to, but I always loved seeing the look of pure pleasure on his face as he climaxed, knowing that I did that to him. He would kiss me and thank me, panting, and I would smile. Never again did he ask me to ‘’clean him up’’. He knew I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to until I was ready.

And at two and a half months, I decided, I was ready. Colin had been an amazing, understanding and loving boyfriend. I loved him and it was time for us to take the next step. I could feel it. It was right.

I decided to surprise him one night and set up in his dorm room. Brady had a night class and would be going out afterwards like he did every Wednesday night, not returning until the pub closed. Colin had a tutoring session; he had fallen behind in his Western Civ class and considering it was a core requirement, he needed to pass. I would have helped him but he insisted on getting a tutor, smirking mischievously when he said he wouldn’t get any studying done with me around. As I walked to his building, I smiled at the thought of him, poring over his history book. My baby had never been very good at paying attention to dates except ours.

I made an excuse to the person manning the desk and headed up to his room. I was going to set it up with candles and soft music so when he came back to call me like he usually did, he would find me in his bed instead, dressed in some lingerie Rose had gone with me to buy, waiting for him. My hair and make-up were already done and I had a sexy garter set on underneath my coat, my bag over my shoulder. I made it to his door and smiled when I saw his writing on the message board, some quick note he had left for Brady a few weeks ago.

I took a deep breath.

This was it.

I was a bit nervous but I knew this was right. I loved Colin and I knew Colin loved me. He was the one, the one that I would finally give myself to. After tonight, I would no longer be a virgin and by the time Brady got back, we might have already done it two or three times and I would be one very satisfied newbie in the Sex Club.

I bit my lip shyly. I really hoped Colin liked what I had on. He had seen me topless and, for all intents and purposes, bottomless but this, this was unchartered territory for me. And then I thought of his smile, his eyes twinkling at me and it made me smile wider. I was going to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I loved him.

I pulled the key out of my pocket, the copy of the one I had made when I snatched his for a couple of hours the other day when he asked me to pick up some clothes for him that one time. I put it in the lock and turned the knob. I exhaled deeply and let the confidence wash over me before opening the door and walking in.

Not only was Colin never good at remembering dates but he also wasn’t very good at waiting apparently.

He was being tutored alright.

His tutor, some leggy dirty blonde, was riding him like her eight seconds were about to run out on the bull machine.

I had dropped my bag in shock and gasped loudly. She was yelling so loud, she didn’t hear me, but Colin did. When he saw me, he immediately pushed the girl off of him and covered up with the blanket, trying to get to his feet.

“Bella, this—“

“Isn’t what it looks like?” I somehow managed to blurt out.

I had been wondering why he hadn’t been pushing me as hard these past couple of weeks. And here I thought it was just him being understanding, patient, enjoying what we had been doing like the idiot I was. Well, at least this time, the other woman was indeed a woman.

My eyes burned with tears that I wanted to shed but didn’t. I couldn’t let him see how much he hurt me.

Too late. By the look in his eyes and the deep apology in them, he already had. My gaze shifted to the girl still on the bed, now with his sheet wrapped around her, and she had the decency to drop her eyes at my malevolent glare.

I looked once more at Colin. His mouth opened to speak but I cut him off.

“Well, looks like I don’t have to set up for tonight after all. Seems your bed is already taken.”

I turned to leave when he stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm. Déjà vu hit me like a ton of bricks.

He turned me back to him. “Wait, what do you mean ‘set up for tonight’?”

I almost laughed. That’s all he had to say? A stray tear that I couldn’t stop slowly trailed down my left cheek before I wiped it away.

His eyes filled with realization and then his face crumpled in pain. “Bella….”

“Don’t.” And once again, I yanked my arm away and left the room.

Strangely enough, Edward was the one I chose to call that night. He didn’t say much, just let me get it all out before assuring me that I was lovable and beautiful and wanted. He promised if he were straight, he would have married me the second we were out of high school; he loved me that much. I smiled at that and the fact that he was trying so hard to comfort me from his apartment in Hanover, with Seth listening nearby.

I called Angela the next day and she came over, again holding me as I cried.

And just like before, Colin tried to contact me, tried to see me, but it took Jess and Rose both to get him to stop trying to rush my room. Rose never shied away from a confrontation if the situation called for it and backed by Jessica, that was a lethal combination. Braver men than Colin had put their tails between their legs and backed off.

It hurt. I had loved Colin, almost as much as I loved Edward, and to have both of them cheat on me, hurt me the way they had, nearly destroyed me. But, inevitably, I moved on. What choice did I have?

We had two weeks to go until school let out for the semester. I still had class with Colin but I refused to look at him, talk to him, even acknowledge his existence. I was the first to get to class, always making sure to sit in a crowded spot so the seats would be taken by the time he got there, and the first to escape when class was over. He tried to catch up to me a few times, but Jess was always there and one death glare from her kept him away.

After a while, he stopped calling my phone, stopped emailing me incessantly, stopped following me outside of class and when I heard he had moved on, too, it hurt worse than it should have. Especially, when his new supposed girlfriend had been the very same girl he had cheated on me with.

Colin and I didn’t stay friends.

So, once the semester was finished, I made my decision. I wouldn’t be going back to Forks for Christmas break as planned or to Jacksonville to visit my mother and Phil. I broke both my parents’ hearts but explained it away as staying with my college friends and I would see both over the summer and possibly spring break.

A plan, a crazy plan but a highly successful one, had formulated in my mind and I intended to see it through.

I would be staying here with Jess. I convinced her to take me to a party she was attending that very night.

I was done with love. I was done with waiting for it. Love had proven useless and misguiding in both instances. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the two guys I had fallen for, maybe it was fate, maybe it was all coincidence, I didn’t know, but either way, love was not in the cards for me.

I was nineteen years old and it was time for me to grow up. Time for me to rid myself of this foolish hopeless romantic Pollyanna routine. It was time for me to become a woman, take the bull by the horns and do what I needed to do. I had needs that needed to be met. Love wasn’t a requirement for that. If anything, it just messed up the final result. I wanted to rid myself of the complications. Many others had, like Jess, so why couldn’t I?

There was only one person that came to mind when I made the decision to rid myself of my loathed virginity.

I stared at the house, seeing the party in full swing. I smoothed down the skirt of my dress, pulled my white sweater over my shoulders more, tossed my loose curls over my right shoulder and took a deep breath.

I could do this. I _was_ doing this.

Before I could think too much more on it, Jess appeared next to me, giggling in excitement and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the party. I ignored the fact that I was a tad overdressed, that I looked more like someone going to a fancy dinner than a college party held off campus, and allowed Jess to lead me inside. A guy looked us up and down, nodding appreciatively, as we headed up the steps to the door. I heard a whistle from somewhere over my left shoulder.

I looked away from the guy, swallowing, and took another deep breath, plastering a fake smile onto my face.

I could do this.

I was going to do this.

I was going to make a deal with the devil himself.

I was tired of waiting and I refused to do so anymore.


	2. Making the First Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

I forced myself to take another deep breath as Jess led me into the living room. Around us was complete chaos. The music was blasting and there were people everywhere, filling up every empty space they could. Some were dancing, some were talking and some were doing much more private things out in the open. I was shocked that anyone would do something like that so publicly on the couch and that someone else would film it as others cheered on but then again, who was I to judge anything?

After all, I was here to make sure my own needs were met.

I tore my eyes away from the scene and Jess led me into a connecting room, away from the cries of pleasure and the yells of “Girls gone wild, dude!” Thankfully, this room wasn’t as busy. People seemed to be mellow in here, sitting and drinking, the occasional stragglers streaming in and out of the entry way.

And over by the pool table is where I saw _him_.

The very man I was looking for. As Jess had promised, she had brought me right to him.

Jake Black. Surrounded by his usual group of guys.

Jake Black was a notorious player, a bad boy in every sense of the word. Even though he was from La Push as was most of his buddies, his reputation preceded him even here.

He was a few years older than me, in his early twenties, and he had been out here since high school. He had gone to UW himself but he had never finished. The rumor was that he had gotten kicked out of school for breaking the code of conduct or something like that but the supposed real reason was that he had bedded the dean’s daughter and then dumped her. No one really knew the truth, though. The story changed dramatically every day.

Normally, this would not be the type of guy I would seek out to help me with my….problem. But, I had a bit of insider information that made me reconsider him as an option.

The first part was that two of my best friends had slept with him. Girls I had classes with had slept with him. And all of them, including Rose, had sworn that it was the best sex they had ever had.

Rose swore up and down that she had never orgasmed that many times during sex. One night, she had had a bit too much to drink along with Jess and regaled her, myself and Angela with dirty details of her one hookup with Jake. Jess enjoyed that story so much that she instantly hooked up with Jake almost a week later at another party. She then proceeded to, soberly, fill me in on the details of her escapade with him. In any other situation, a normal one, it should bother me that I was about to possibly be the third of our group to sleep with him but, I trusted Rose and Jess completely. What they had told me, I knew to be true and considering my predicament, he was the best guy to go to. I couldn’t allow the knowledge of him knowing my two best friends so intimately to affect me. He would never be with any of us romantically and Jess and Rose didn’t mind (in fact, they encouraged it). So, I knew intimate details already about the man and his….skills.

Not to mention what I had already heard around campus and back home.

Yes, Jake’s reputation was legend back in Forks.

There wasn’t a single girl in the vicinity he hadn’t hooked up with in his senior year of high school it seemed. Once he got what he wanted, the girls were history. He certainly left a few broken hearts in his wake, Leah Clearwater being the most infamous. Unlike the other girls who had cried, cursed his name or had thrown a drink at him, or anything else within reach, Leah had chosen to act differently.

She had taken a crowbar and beaten in the windows of his car, taken a knife to the upholstery, spray painted a few choice vulgar words on the sides and slashed his tires. When she was done with that, she had started in on his bike. Leah knew where to hit him to hurt him the most. By the time he had seen the damage she had done, his bike was in pieces and she was still looking to do further destruction. She flew at him and got in a few good punches, so the story went, before his friends had to pull her off of him. Since it happened on the reservation, it was handled quickly and quietly between the two families but Jake’s reputation didn’t escape unscathed. However, women still flocked to him and watching him now, with a leggy blonde in his arms, I could understand the draw to an extent.

Jake was very good looking. He was like sex on legs. Even with myself being a virgin, I could see exactly what all those girls who whispered and giggled about him meant. Like tonight, he had on dark jeans with a red and blue checkered flannel shirt, the sleeves rolled up showing his tan muscled forearms off nicely. The guy was built and his black hair was cut short but the ends were spiked up a bit. He was built like he worked out every day and in a way you never saw on any other guy unless he was taking steroids or he was a serious bodybuilder. His body was absolute perfection and made any girl’s mouth water just looking at him. I wish I could say I was the exception but there I stood, gaping at him along with the rest of them.

The truth was, I had met Jake Black once, when I was about seven. That was the other part of my insider information. And what a meeting that had been.

He was a few years older than me and at that time, he had no real interest in girls, especially in an annoying little kid like me, or so he had called me when I followed him around when our dads went fishing that afternoon. And yet, here we were, twelve years later and he had been with more girls than the female populations in Forks and Port Angeles together.

_His sisters were supposed to be watching me but Rebecca was busy talking on the phone and Rachel didn’t like me too much. They were a couple of years older than Jake and they definitely made it clear that they had no time for me once our dads pulled out of the Blacks’ driveway._

_Jake was playing his video game on the TV so, figuring he was the least likely to take my head off if I sat by him, I made my way over to him and sat down to watch. After a few minutes, I had cocked my head, questioningly._

_“Whatcha playing?”_

_“Goldeneye,” he replied, never taking his eyes off of the game._

_“Can I play?”_

_He snorted. “Nope.”_

_I turned to frown at him. “Why not?”_

_“’Cause.”_

_“’Cause why?”_

_“’Cause you’re a girl and girls can’t play. That’s why.” He then got up and switched the system and TV off._

_I also got to my feet. He turned and looked at me, rolling his eyes. I pouted and stomped my foot and insisted I could too play but he just laughed at me. He then left to go down to the beach and I followed him, a few feet behind since he was ignoring me. Why I trailed after him, I had no idea. Even with the jerk he was being, he still seemed a safer bet than his sisters. I guess I could have watched TV but I was bored and I felt slightly uncomfortable being in an unfamiliar house with people who wanted nothing to do with me._

_Once we got down to First Beach, he walked over to his friends, a few boys that looked to be around the same age as him. I walked up to Jake and I must have subconsciously taken his hand because I was nervous, I didn’t even remember doing it, which turned out to be a big mistake. The boys started laughing at him, teasing him about his girlfriend. He got angry, dropped my hand as if he had been burned, and turned on me. He shoved me back and told me to leave him alone. Being clumsy like I had been since birth practically, I stumbled backwards and fell onto my backside with an ‘oomph’. The boys laughed louder and my eyes filled with tears as I glared up at them._

_I saw Jake’s eyes widen as he realized I had fallen but then his face hardened and he crossed his arms defiantly, returning my glare. The boys jeered at me, telling me to go play with my barbies, but they also continued to make fun of Jake as well, until he walked away, never looking back. The boys soon followed and I got up and headed in the other direction._

_I had busied myself with making a sandcastle, talking to myself and playing, pretending the rocks I had found were tiny people coming to live in my kingdom and I had to make them the best castle there was. I was used to being by myself. I was an only child and, well, I didn’t always quite fit in with the other kids most times. So, I pretty much stayed to myself and this time was no different._

_When I had finished, I beamed at the completed product proudly and began to place the ‘people’ in their new home._

_I never saw it coming._

_Within seconds, my sandcastle had been kicked, trampled and destroyed. I looked on in horror as loud laughter filled the air around me. I looked up to the person responsible and saw an older boy towering over me, much bigger than Jake. He smirked devilishly at me and dared me to say a word._

_“Why did you do that?” I asked, my eyes filling once again with hot tears._

_“Because you’re a stupid girl and you don’t belong here,” he said as he gave me a hard shove to the ground. I fell back and hit my head and that was when I started to cry. The hit wasn’t that hard; my feelings were hurt more than anything._

_The boy stood triumphantly over me, grinning. “No one wants you here, paleface. Go cry to your mommy and daddy,” he demanded._

_When I didn’t move, instead staying where I was, sobbing, he got angrier. He leaned down, grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. I began to cry harder. “Ow, you’re hurting me,” I sobbed._

_He shook me then. “You don’t belong here. Get off our land. Now,” he said through gritted teeth and shoved me back, making me fall down again._

_I didn’t see what happened next as I was busy cradling my arm, crying so hard I was having a hard time breathing, but when I heard a scuffle next to me, I looked up to see Jake straddling the older boy, punching him in the mouth. He got in a couple of more blows before the boy knocked him down and started pummeling him. I gasped out in horror and got to my feet, hurrying over to them, not thinking anymore about my pain. “No,” I begged. “No, please don’t hurt him!” I yelled but to no avail. I pushed against the boy’s shoulder, grabbing at his hair to yank, trying to get him off of Jake, when I noticed Jake’s nose was bleeding. But, as expected, the boy pushed me back and I fell once more, crying even more. This enabled Jake to take advantage of the boy’s distraction and get in a few hits which knocked the older boy off of him. Jake then scrambled over to me and helped me to my feet. He immediately led us away._

_“Yeah, that’s right, Jake!” The older boy yelled. “You better run! You better hope I don’t catch your scrawny little ass! And take your hokwat with you! Don’t ever bring her to my beach again!”_

_Jake muttered something under his breath but kept walking, pulling me by the hand. I kept crying, though only sniffles and hiccups escaped me. When we got to the house, he sat me down on the couch and looked me over._

_“Are you okay?” He asked me quietly. I sniffled and nodded, looking at the blood still leaking out of his nose._

_“Are you okay?” I asked, brokenly. His eyes lifted up to mine and he touched his nose gingerly._

_“Yeah, I’m okay,” he sighed and looked sad then. “I’m sorry I pushed you before. And I’m sorry that Paul did that to you. He shouldn’t have.”_

_I didn’t say anything._

_“It’s just…..his family….well….it doesn’t matter. He’s a jerk,” he grumbled and sat next to me, lifting the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the blood off of his face. I saw him wince and I laid my head on his shoulder, hugging him gently._

_“Thank you,” I whispered._

_He shrugged, jostling my head with his movements. “S’okay.”_

_A few minutes passed and then he got up. He flipped the TV on and the game system before sitting down next to me again. He smiled and placed a controller in my hands and sat with the other, making me grin at him happily._

_“Let’s see what you’ve got, Swan.” He winked at me and turned back to the television, hitting some buttons on his controller. We played the rest of the time we were there. He continued to make me laugh whenever my character killed his once he had taught me how to play. Whereas he had no time for me before, he had been incredibly patient with me afterwards. He even seemed to be enjoying the time he spent with me._

_When Charlie and Billy had returned and seen the state we were in, all hell had broken loose. Jake told both our dads the story, conveniently leaving out his initial treatment of me, and Billy immediately called Paul’s family, but not before checking both of us out. Jake was given an ice pack to lay on the swelling of his right eye where Paul had gotten a punch in. My dad was thundering about, talking about how he was going to ‘put that kid away until he’s 50’ and ‘how dare he touch my daughter’. I cowered next to Jake, not usually seeing my dad this angry, until I felt a warm squeeze on my shoulder. I turned to find Jake smiling down at me and asking me to come with him to his room. I nodded and he took my hand and led me down the hall. He shut the door on Billy’s yelling at the twins for not watching us like they were supposed to and both of them yelling back._

_Jake showed me some of his toys and some carvings he had done. He had boasted that he was just starting to learn, his dad was teaching him, and he grinned proudly when I said how pretty they were. I liked his wolf one the best. It reminded me of him, being the same color as his russet skin. He told me I could keep it and I was ecstatic. I leaned in, hugging him tighter than I ever had previously, and kissed him on the cheek in thanks. He turned away and I could see the skin on the back of his neck was a bit darker than before. “Sure, sure,” he had mumbled._

_Eventually, Billy had calmed Charlie down enough to take me home. I said goodbye to them and when I reached Jake, I stared up at him. “Thank you, Jake,” I had whispered to him and then leaned up, kissing the lid of his right eye when he closed it. “It’ll be all better now.” I smiled and turned to walk out with Charlie, who was chuckling as well as Billy._

_“Close your mouth, boy, before you catch flies,” Billy’s amused voice followed us out the door._

_“Bella,” I heard Jake call out to me. I stopped and turned around, Charlie’s hand still on my shoulder._

_When Jake caught up with us, his eyes flickered over Charlie briefly before settling on me._

_Charlie cleared his throat. “I’m gonna start the car. Don’t take too long, Bells. You still need to call your mom when we get back.” I nodded, staring at Jake. Charlie’s hand disappeared and I heard the sounds of feet crunching gravel get further and further behind me._

_Jake’s gaze dropped down to the wolf in my hands._

_“You’ll come back soon….won’t you?” His eyes met mine uncertainly. “I mean….you’ll come back?” He looked hopeful for a second._

_I smiled wider. “Uh huh,” I nodded. “I’ll come back.”_

_His face broke out into a grin, a wince flashing across it when he was reminded of his injuries by the action. “Okay,” he smiled gently. “I’ll see you when you come back.” He bit his lip. “Bye.”_

_I waved. “Bye.” And then I had walked the rest of the way to Charlie’s cruiser._

Unfortunately, I had never gone back. That was the last time I had visited Charlie in Forks for the summer. Until I moved there my junior year. And by that time, Charlie and Billy had had a falling out and hadn’t spoken to each other in years.

I had never known what happened to Paul or even to Jake until I started to hear his ‘legend’ spreading. I had a hard time reconciling the boy I had met with the guy I was always hearing about but they were indeed one in the same.

But now, watching Jake in action, I still found it difficult to picture him as Jake Black, the boy who had defended me and protected me. I especially struggled with him having these new uncharacteristic qualities when I saw Paul next to him, smiling and having a good time.

The only way I knew it was him was because Jess told me that after she had hooked up with Jake, she had also hooked up with his friend. And she had fallen in lust at first sight with said friend. I had my suspicions, hoping it wasn’t the same Paul. But everything was confirmed for me when I saw who Jess sauntered over to. He had the same unforgiving eyes. It was him.

So, I guess everything had been patched up between him and Jake after that day of fighting. The thing that had me shaking my head the most was how much Paul had hated me for being white but he was now hooking up with white girls left and right, my friend being one of them. They didn’t seem to trouble him as much as my seven year-old self did. Interesting.

I snapped out of my thoughts and focused on my reasons for having Jess bring me here.

Why had I chosen to ask Jake of all people? Despite the small bit of history I had with him and our dads? Simple. The guy was a player, not looking for a relationship, was really good at what he did and would sleep with anything that moved. I’m definitely a plain Jane but I don’t think I am that horrid that sex would be a completely frowned upon topic. Besides, as local bad boy and womanizer, wasn’t it his goal to rack up chastity belts by the armful? To seduce me and strip me of my purity? Wasn’t it in the job description or something? Plus, he wasn’t one to kiss and tell. His reputation only grew because everyone else did. He didn’t secretly tape anyone and put it out there on the internet. He didn’t pull any psycho possessive stuff once he was finished with you. He was just as glad to keep it simple and unattached as the next guy. Besides, there was no way he would remember me; it had been a good twelve years. But just in case, I would do everything I could to keep him from finding out anything personal about me if my plan worked. Even if he did somehow find out it was me, my dad wasn’t speaking to his dad so, less damage control.

Nope, this would be a simple exchange of services.

And deep down, somewhere small and hidden inside of me, I was secretly glad it was him.

Something told me that while he was a jerk, he wouldn’t hurt me. Once, he had made me feel safe and now looking at him, me ignoring the woman glued to his side, I felt safe in knowing that if he agreed, he would be the one to induct me into a world of pleasurable, unattached, gratifying sex. And the last thing I needed was some moron looking for a quick lay, not caring whether he tore me in half or not as long as he got off. After what Rose and Jess and the rest had said, Jake could be rough but only if he was given the green light. He was never forceful. Uncommon for a player apparently but it just added to his appeal. At least that’s what I had been told.

I watched the blonde lean in and start to kiss his neck and he smirked cockily at his friend standing across from him, inclining his head slightly as if to say ‘what did I tell you?’ The friend chuckled back. Jake had his hand on her lower back and he chuckled, too. “Slow down, baby. You’ll get what’s _coming_ to you soon enough. Let’s have a few drinks first.” The blonde pulled back, smirking herself. “I am pretty thirsty, J. You sure you don’t want to get what’s _coming_ to you, first?” She immediately cupped her hand over his crotch and began rubbing. My mouth dropped open at her forwardness in front of his friends who started laughing and catcalling.

I could never be that confident, not if I had sex a thousand times over and was an expert.

Jake chuckled again and moved her hand away, making me somewhat relieved until his hand disappeared behind her and the hem of her skirt lifted slightly and she gasped dramatically and moaned which turned into a whimper as she pouted up at him. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll give you what you want soon enough.” He then lifted his cup and took a sip as the blonde rubbed his chest.

A guy next to the friend Jake had grinned at before spoke up then. “Yeah, you better drink up, Jake. Seems like this little hellcat is gonna give you a run for your money tonight. You don’t wanna get dehydrated or some shit.”

“Yeah, seriously, man. She’s gonna eat you alive,” Paul piped in. Jess giggled, hanging off of him. I could see she had already had a few in the short time we’d been here, while I was distracted.

“Oh, she’ll be eating something, alright,” Jake let out before he took another sip of his drink. The guys all oooohed and laughed in chorus and the blonde just smiled and watched him hungrily.

Whatever determination I had before to go through with my plan was being shot down now as I watched them. I had known what he was like before I came here. I had known there was a good chance that he would already be taken for the night, possibly in the middle of something I wouldn’t ever want to interrupt, when Jess told me he and his gang would be here tonight. I had already known this and I was under no false pretenses that he might really be a decent guy underneath the horn dog he had turned out to be, waiting for me to kiss him and magically turn him into the world’s perfect kind-hearted boyfriend who knew the meaning of the word ‘restraint’. Seeing that he had already taken his pick for the night didn’t bother me.

What bothered me was watching how she moved, how confident and sure of herself she was. How she knew how to touch him, how to flirt, and how much Jake liked it. How she didn’t blush when the guys casually mentioned how hard he’d be ‘drilling her’ or making any of their crude jokes. How she just smiled, amused as much as they were almost. Not to mention, she was gorgeous. This blonde could seriously give Rose some healthy competition and Rose was the most beautiful girl I had ever come across. Jake’s current companion was supermodel hot and her body had flawless curves. And she knew how to flaunt them. Her tan complemented her well.

I could never be this girl.

I could never be anything close to her.

Who was I kidding?

This was _his_ type. This was what he wanted, not some plain, inexperienced, nervous, mousy pale girl. It didn’t matter that I was offering up my virginity. Watching him now, it was clear to me that he had probably taken hundreds. We were in Seattle; it could be thousands by now. What would mine matter? It surely wasn’t enticing enough to him, not some small-town girl just looking to lose it. I was completely out of his league. He was in the majors and I hadn’t even started playing yet. Even now, I watched him eye up some other girl who did the same to him as the blonde continued to kiss his neck. He smiled at her and she smiled back before walking into the other room, her hips swaying more than they had previously. It was evidently an invitation to follow. That girl might just be as sexy as the one now attached to his skin.

I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t believe how I had deluded myself. Embarrassed beyond measure, I turned to make a quick and quiet escape. I would come back to pick Jess up when she called me later, out of her mind drunk. Looks like I’d be staying a virgin a little bit longer than I anticipated.

Just as I started walking back from where we had come, Jess suddenly noticed me. “Beeeeeeeeee,” she called out. “Where arrrrrre you going?” I froze, my eyes closing, praying the others hadn’t heard her screech. But, as my luck would have it, they did.

I opened my eyes and turned halfway, not looking at them. “I forgot, Jess. I told Ang I’d meet her back at the dorm in half an hour. I’ll be back to pick you up later. Just give me a call when you’re done, okay?” I then tried to make my escape but a hand gripped mine and swung me back to face the large group.

Jess was surprisingly fast and strong for an intoxicated person.

My eyes scanned the people behind her and all eyes were on me, especially Jake’s. I dropped mine and forced myself to breathe. Okay, this wasn’t exactly how I had wanted to get his attention.

Jess pulled me with her. Her nails dug into my palm and I was biting my lip to keep from crying out in pain. When had this girl become Superwoman with the steel grip all of a sudden?

“Jaaaaake,” she slurred. At his name, the blonde’s head shot up, her eyes narrowing into slits in Jessica’s direction. “My friend wants to meet you.” She hiccupped and then giggled. I was mortified.

Paul, of all people, saved me. Irony slapped me in the face with that one. “Jess, baby, what are you talking about? Get back over here, sexy!” He scooped Jessica up, making her giggle, and brought her over to the pool table, where he sat her down and proceeded to make out with her, leaving me alone in the spotlight for the rest of the group.

Okay, Paul hadn’t saved me and I would definitely be killing Jessica later.

“Meet me?” Jake laughed. “Why?”

My cheeks were burning as the blonde’s eyes fixated on me, boring holes into my skull where I stood. I chewed my lip and tried to think of something plausible. This was definitely not how I envisioned my night going.

“I….,” I gave a nervous smile. “Um, well….you know….Jessica is….” I motioned over to the couple who were getting hot and heavy. All heads turned in their direction, shoulders were shrugged and then they all turned back to me, making me blush again. “I….she was just….”

Jake smirked and sat down on the pool table, a little distance away from Paul and Jess, pulling the blonde onto his thigh.

A friend of his stepped into view, eyes trailing down my body. “Jake, man, if you want, I can take care of this one since you’re busy. I haven’t had white meat in so long—“

My eyes widened and I went to step back. “N-No. I’m good, thanks,” I said quietly. Jake’s voice then cut through the din of the guys cheering their friend on.

“Knock it off, Quil. You’ll scare the poor girl away. Let her talk.” Quil gave me a wolfish grin which made me shiver but did indeed back off. Jake’s gaze focused on me then. “What was your name again, sweetheart?”

The blonde looked back and forth between us, clearly not happy, and I went to speak. I was right, he hadn’t recognized me. Thank God for one thing going in my favor tonight. “B-Bella,” I squeaked out.

The guys all laughed and I flushed, about to drop my eyes when I saw Jake’s head snap to attention. He stared at me, as if his dark eyes would pierce through me and somehow reach the truth that I didn’t want him to know.

_Oh no._

I started to worry my bottom lip, refusing to meet his eyes, instead choosing to glance over in Jess’ direction. My brows arched when I saw Jess’ hands grabbing Paul’s butt.

“Bella?” He asked.

My head swiveled back in his direction and I could see he was still trying to put two and two together. Why hadn’t I said Isabella or gone by B like Jess had called me? What was wrong with me? How many girls in the Olympic Peninsula would have a name like Bella? Even though I had grown up, I still had the brown eyes, brown hair and near translucent skin that I had back when I first met him. I had to act fast if I had any last dash of hope in diverting his attention away from connecting the dots.

“Yeah. And you’re Jake Black.” More laughter erupted and he gave me that cocky smirk from before. Inwardly, I sighed in relief. I had distracted him successfully.

“In the flesh.” He then picked up the blonde’s hand and placed it on the crotch of his jeans. Without being told, she immediately began rubbing him and his smirk widened when he noticed my eyes trained to that very spot. I blushed and looked away towards the entrance to another connecting room, one arm crossed against my chest, holding onto my other arm. I bit my lip so hard I was surprised it didn’t bleed. I heard a few chuckles, including his.

“So, what can I do for you….Bella?”

I released my lip. It was now or never.

“I was wondering if we could….talk.” I turned back to him, forcing myself to meet his eyes.

I pretended not to notice when the blonde’s hand froze and she glared over at me. I ignored her when she started to rub him harder and then leaned in to whisper something into his ear.

He surprised me when he leaned away, still keeping his eyes trained on mine. “We are talking.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly. “I was hoping to talk to you….alone.”

Everyone stopped then. The blonde straightened up, removing her hand from him and turned in my direction. The guys laughed, looking back and forth between me and Jake, making catcalls and crude jokes that I willed myself not to hear. Jess and Paul still continued to shove their tongues down each other’s throats. Jake studied me carefully before a sly smile slowly spread across his face.

“Alone?”

I gave a curt nod.

He stayed silent for a minute and I saw his eyes flicker over to his friend that had proposed to take me off of his hands earlier and then back to me. I swallowed nervously. Was he planning on letting Quil _talk_ to me alone instead?

My worst fears were confirmed when I saw a wicked grin form on his friend’s face. But instead of moving over to me, he moved closer to Jake and the blonde who was shooting daggers at me with her eyes. I quickly wondered if I was about to be attacked. I made myself focus once more on Jake’s gaze. I didn’t want to lose my nerve.

Jake’s eyes drank me in as he carefully considered me. The blonde noticed and she immediately worked to win back his attention from me. Her hand went back to cupping him and she pushed her body up against his. “Mmmm, J, let’s go upstairs. Come on,” she purred. I made sure to keep my face blank when I saw her moan into his ear as she rubbed up against him.

His head then snapped towards her and I dropped my eyes.

She had won.

I could never compete. She had experience and I didn’t. She knew what she was doing. Maybe I should have come earlier like Jess wanted to and not forced her to sit in the car for a half hour in the parking lot of our building, pulling me back from the brink of an anxiety attack. Maybe then I would have had a chance to have him hear me out.

I took a deep breath and turned, getting ready to leave. I’d have to try another night and I would certainly have to take Rose up on her offer for pointers so next time, I kept his attention with me. Though I knew I would never be able to do anything so daring that the blonde had just done. I just wasn’t that confident. Or sexy.

The dress I had on now was the nicest thing I owned and I felt….pretty in. But I guess I should have listened to Jess when she told me I looked more like a sophomore in high school about to go to prom. Little did she know that this was one of the dresses Alice had given me (more like donated) to wear to that fateful prom but I had chosen the one green gown that hadn’t washed me out. It was Edward’s favorite color.

I would have to let Jess and Rose dress me next time. I sighed quietly and began walking. I knew Jess would call me in a few hours to come and get her. I’d go back home and finish up my new book. At least one good thing would come out of this disaster of an evening.

“Hey, Quil.” Something in Jake’s tone made me stop and look back at him. His eyes were once again on me.

“What’s up, man?” I saw the guy from before answer him. He was still next to them.

“Do me a favor and grab us some drinks, will you? I’m gonna be _preoccupied_ for a while and I need another beer.”

Quil snorted. “Sure thing, bro.”

There. Jake had confirmed that the blonde had won. It was time to make my escape.

But before I could take another step, Jake then turned to the woman that was now happily trailing her tongue down his neck.

“You mind getting it for me, baby?” The blonde’s smile dropped. I watched as Jake piled on the charm and gave her his sexiest smirk, almost as if someone had turned the dial on his sexiness up to high. “Then we can go up and do exactly what you were whispering about.” His smirk widened. “More than once.”

The blonde’s own smile returned and she nodded. I watched her lean in to kiss him but he turned his head and kissed her neck instead. She sighed happily, her eyes closing halfway. I was astounded as I watched him work. Sure enough, when he pulled away, the blonde stared at him dreamily. “Go get it for me, baby. And then we’ll head up.” She nodded again and hurried to do as he asked. He smacked her on the ass as she left and she turned to look at him lustfully. He smoldered at her as she left. Once she had gone into the living room, I noticed the guy Jake named as Quil wasn’t too far behind her.

“Let’s head up.” My eyes snapped back to Jake, who was now on his feet, staring right at me. I noticed his voice had been less husky and more serious when he had spoken to me.

“W-What?” I croaked out, embarrassed at the way I sounded.

He moved closer. “You wanted to talk,” My heart sped up with every step he took. Was he really suggesting I go with him upstairs? He stopped when he was right in front of me, close enough that I could feel his body heat, warming the front of mine. “So, let’s talk.” He held out his hand and I dropped my gaze down to it.

This was it. This was really happening. My plan was coming to fruition. Could I really do this? Could I really take Jake’s hand and let him take me upstairs so we could have sex? I swallowed nervously and my eyes fluttered back up to his. His smirk had softened into a gentle smile. For a split second, I secretly wondered if he was now charming me.

If he was, it worked.

Without even realizing it, I gingerly placed my hand in his, causing his smile to deepen. He inclined his head in the direction of the other room in the opposite direction of where the blonde and his friend had disappeared in.

Where I expected to hear more laughter or rude commentary, I didn’t. I hadn’t even noticed that the guys had dispersed out into the party, leaving me and Jake pretty much alone. Except for Jess and Paul who were practically humping each other on the pool table.

My mouth felt dry as I tried to speak. “D-Don’t you….isn’t your….” What was she exactly? “Date….going to be unhappy about that?” I stammered out.

He watched me, clearly amused. “Come on.” He tugged on my hand, stepping towards the other entryway, but I stayed still.

“Don’t you have plans with her, though?”

He stopped and turned to look at me. He then glanced in the direction she had gone, shrugging nonchalantly. He then turned back to me, smiling. “Wanna go?”

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “No,” I replied quietly. Why would he think I would want to leave? Just because I asked him about the blonde that had been groping him only a few moments before?

His smile faded and his brows furrowed. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

“I do,” I clarified.

He snorted. “Let’s go then.” He walked towards the other room, this time pulling me along with him out of the room and into a hallway where the stairs were. As we walked over, I forced myself to take a deep breath and summoned courage from I don’t know where to keep moving.

This was it.

This was what I wanted.

Wasn’t it?

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Jake’s hand tightened on mine before leading me up. A couple of guys, obviously drunk or high or both, bravely whistled at me and said loudly how they’d like to take me upstairs and teach me a thing or two. I bit my lip and kept my eyes down, focusing on the stairs so I wouldn’t trip.

“She’s taken for the night,” Jake replied, sounding angrier than I would have thought. His response made me start in surprise. I felt stupid for not realizing just exactly what he was expecting to come from this ‘’talk’’. But, wasn’t that I wanted as well? Wasn’t that my ultimate goal?

Eventually, we reached the top and he led me down the hall. We passed a couple of doors where it was more than obvious people were going at it behind them. The moans and screams were so loud, I was shocked there were people hanging outside, just talking and drinking, as if they didn’t hear it.

The next one, the door was open and a group of people watched as some guy pounded into a woman from behind. The sound of skin slapping, so loud it had to be reverberating off the walls towards me, had my mouth hanging open as well as the sight of some onlookers touching each other or themselves as they enjoyed the scene before them.

I felt a tug on my hand and I looked up to see Jake staring at me, arching a brow questioningly. I hadn’t even realized I had stopped. I swallowed and went to step forward when I heard the woman scream. My eyes snapped to the room. “Oh my fucking God, yes! Stick that big cock in me! You gonna fucking cum? Yeah? You gonna cum? You gonna cum inside my pussy?!!? Give me that cum!”

The guy moaned loudly and then grunted like a wild animal before pulling out and turning the woman over so he could come all over her face. The sight, appealing to so many of these people as they all cheered the couple on, was not a turn on for me at all. This is not what I had in mind when I imagined myself having sex. I fervently hoped that Jake wasn’t thinking to do the same. I’d be sick if he tried.

I watched in disgust as streams of semen landed in her hair and on her nose and in her eyes as she shut them tightly. Then he shoved her head away, laughing, asking her, “You like that, bitch, don’t you?”

And then much to my horror, a guy onlooker undid his pants and came up behind the girl. He lifted her up and pushed into her with incredible speed. She started screaming again and the first guy, who started to redress, laughed again and told the guy to fuck her good as did the crowd.

I couldn’t see anymore because Jake then blocked my view. He smirked down at me. “Bella, if you want to stay and watch, be my guest. I thought you wanted to talk to me, but I guess this beats talking, huh?” There seemed to be an edge to his voice when he said it and it forced my attention back to him. His eyes seemed amused yet….angry.

I was surprised and embarrassed all at once. Here he stood, the infamous playboy of the Olympic Peninsula practically and I was the one acting like a complete pervert, watching the live porn going on in front of us, not him.

I flushed as I thought of something to say but a choking sound cut off the screams. I leaned around him to look and saw another guy from the crowd now had his dick down the girl’s throat. The first guy from before was now grabbing her hair and pushing her head further down onto the second onlooker, causing the choking and gagging sounds that continued to pour out of her throat. The crowd only cheered louder and I noticed the guy with the camera from downstairs had joined them, filming it all. I shuddered, wincing, and went back to my original stance. I dropped Jake’s hand and hugged myself practically as I shuddered at the next gagging sound following by coughing.

I kept my eyes on Jake’s chest. “Can we go somewhere else to talk?” I asked quietly.

He moved closer to me, forcing me to look up at him.

“Once we go in the room, it’ll just be the two of us. And then we can talk,” he reassured me. He brushed my hair behind my ear and caressed my neck soothingly as he did.

I nodded and he wrapped his left arm around me, pulling me with him further down the hall. This time I moved where he led me, happy to get away from the sights and sounds of that room.

We went to the end of the hallway and Jake knocked on the closed door. He didn’t receive any answer so he tried the knob. The door opened to reveal a room that was dark and empty. He removed himself from me to step inside, grabbed my hand and pulled me in after him. He flicked the switch and then released me to go over by the bed. He hit a button on the stereo on the bedside table facing us. Music started drifting out of the speakers and Jake smirked approvingly. “Nice.” I looked around, rubbing my upper arms. I suddenly felt cold.

“So,” Jake started as he plopped onto the bed, laying back and propping his head up against the pillows, his arms behind him. He smiled at me. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

I bit my lip as I thought of how to answer that. He watched me expectantly.

Should I really tell him why I wanted to talk to him? What if he laughs? What if he tells me I’m nuts and completely off my rocker? What if he doesn’t believe me, after the episode in the hallway? What if, what if, what if? I stopped the nagging thoughts in my head. I had come this far, no use in turning back now. I already had him on the bed, giving me an inviting smile.

I licked my lips and opened my mouth to speak, keeping my eyes down.

“I, uh….” Okay, how best to phrase this? “Well….what I mean is….” I sighed heavily, shaking my head at myself. Why was this so hard to get out?

“Just out with it, Bells.”

My eyes snapped to his and he arched his brows, daring me to challenge him. Was it possible that he knew me? Only Charlie ever called me Bells—okay, no more thoughts of Charlie allowed at all tonight. Not while I was doing _this_.

I pressed my lips into a tight thin line and nodded once. “I’m well aware of your reputation, Jake. And I was wondering if you could….help me.”

He shrugged. “Depends. What do you need help with?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn’t even deny the first part of my statement. But then again, why should he? He’s not coming to me, trying to convince me of anything. And what I had seen downstairs was more than enough proof besides all of the stories I had heard.

I took a deep breath and let it out. Here goes nothing.

“I was wondering if you would be my first,” I mumbled out.

His brows shot up. “What was that?”

I bit my lip nervously and looked away. My face was on fire. I cleared my throat and said it again. “I wanted to know if you would be my first,” I rushed out in a breath, louder this time.

Silence followed my question and my face burned hotter. I bit my lip harder and dropped my head, studying the carpet underneath my feet. I frowned at the kitten heels I had on. As little as they were, I still wanted them off. I waited a minute and when I still didn’t get any answer, I bent down to take them off.

In my peripherals, I saw Jake shoot up on the bed. “Wait, Bella!”

I froze and then looked up at him. “I’m just taking my shoes off,” I murmured, embarrassed, glancing away from him.

He cleared his throat quickly. “Yeah, I know and I think maybe we should talk about this first before you do that.”

I took my shoes off anyway and then stood up. _Ah, freedom._ With a huff, I blew a wayward curl out of my face. “I wasn’t taking them off for that reason. And since when did you need to talk first?” I placed my hands on my hips and glared at him.

His eyebrows shot up for the second time and for a second, I was scared that maybe I had just ruined my chance. But then he chuckled, shaking his head, laying back and getting comfortable once again.

“Good point.” His dark eyes held me in their gaze. “So, let me get this straight, you’re asking me to be your dick for hire? Is that it?”

I immediately blushed and crossed my arms and looked down at the floor again.

“No, that’s not….the way I would put it….”

“But that’s basically what it is, correct?”

My eyes snapped to his. “No. I am not paying you for it.” I walked to the window. “I’m not _that_ desperate,” I muttered.

He snorted. “Yeah, you’re coming to some guy you barely know, asking him to fuck you, but no, you’re not desperate.”

I turned and glared at him. “Last I checked, morals weren’t exactly your strong point. You fuck anything that moves just to get your dick wet. What the hell do you care whether I’m asking you for it or not? I’m sorry, would you prefer me to go downstairs, get drunk out of my mind first so you then can take advantage of me and you and your buddies can pat yourself on the back for another job well done?”

I immediately regretted the words once they were out of my mouth. If looks could kill….

He slowly got to his feet and walked around the bed towards me. I swallowed nervously but refused to show that I was afraid of what he might do next. Maybe talking in this room wasn’t such a great idea. What if he gave me what I wanted, right now, and there was no great orgasms and best sex-of-my-life as Rose and Jess had experienced? I bet they hadn’t spoken to him like that.

He reached me and studied my expression. I stared back up at him, not giving an inch.

“You said you’re still a virgin?”

I winced at the word and looked back out the window. “Yeah,” I said quietly.

He snorted again. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? You don’t need me to fuck you, sweetheart. You need me to help you dislodge the stick that’s rammed up your ass.” I turned to glower at him and he just smirked back at me, his eyes once again challenging me.

I scoffed and turned to head to the door, picking up my shoes as I went. “This was a mistake. Just forget it.”

I had my hand on the knob when he called out to me. “Why did you ask me of all people, Bella? Any of those guys would have given you what you wanted downstairs and wouldn’t have thought twice about it. You wouldn’t have had to go to all this trouble.” I heard the bed groan a bit as he presumably got back into the position he had been in before. “So, why me?”

I kept my eyes on the door. “Does it matter? You won’t do it anyway.”

“It matters to me,” he said rather quickly and then he added, “I want to know how many more virgins are gonna show up at my door, stalking me at these things, asking me to be their firsts. Since when did I become the local ‘deflowerer’?”

_Since you slept with half of Washington State._ But, I bit my tongue and refused to let that thought out. I sighed. “You aren’t. I just thought….maybe you….whatever, it doesn’t matter. Forget I asked. Sorry I wasted your time. Good night.” I opened the door and was shocked when a russet hand closed it in front of me. I spun, ready to unleash my fury on him when I realized his close proximity as he trapped me between both of his arms, his palms against the door at my back. I hadn’t even heard him get off of the bed.

He leaned in until our noses were almost touching and I did my best to control my nervousness. My breathing sped up involuntarily and I couldn’t help but stare back at him. He smiled, enjoying my reaction. “So, why me, Bella?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.

He grinned wider and in a fast movement, he had me up in his arms and my legs wrapped around his waist. I gasped loudly and he carried me to the bed. My breathing increased even more, my chest was heaving up and down uncontrollably with every step he took. What was he doing?

He laid me down gently with him on top of me across the bed. I watched him, almost scared to make a sound. This is what I wanted, right?

Right?

He smirked down at me and laid both hands on either side of my head, holding himself up.

“Aren’t you going to tell me?”

I swallowed but still I couldn’t say anything.

He slowly leaned down until his lips were inches from mine. “No?” He smiled. “I guess I’ll have to get it out of you some other way then.” His voice was huskier and I closed my eyes, swallowing again. I suddenly felt very thirsty. Is this why his friends had told him and the blonde to keep drinking and not dehydrate? My throat was so dry.

And then I felt his tongue lick upwards on my neck. I gasped as my eyes shot open and I turned to look at him. He chuckled and lined up our noses. “You taste good, Bells.” And then he lifted his body slightly higher. “I have to wonder,” His lips got closer to mine. “If you taste just as good,” Closer still. “Everywhere.” And then he moved down my body, never breaking eye contact with me.

I gasped in shock and then sat up quickly. “No, no, don’t.” I covered my face with my hands and I heard him chuckle next to me. He went to move my hands but I didn’t budge. Then I dropped my hands and moved to the other side of the bed, swinging my legs over and sat with my back to him. I then returned my face to my hands.

“What’s wrong?”

His voice was flat, emotionless. I knew then that I couldn’t do this. I was wrong. I couldn’t do this. Not with someone like him.

What had I been thinking?

I dropped my hands again and got to my feet. “Nothing. I was right. This was a mistake. I’m sorry I bothered you.” I raced for the door, stooping down to pick up my shoes where I dropped them, and opened the door.

Once again, I was prevented from leaving but this time there were no hands closing the door. This time there was a gentle grasp of my arm. “Bells, hang on a second.”

I took a deep breath and then opened my eyes, staring out into the hallway which had amassed an even bigger crowd and apparently even more people since the cries were now diverse. “What?”

“I didn’t mean to…..make you uncomfortable. I was just playing around with you a little bit.” I heard him sigh. “Let’s talk for a minute.”

I shook my head. That was the last thing I wanted to do. “There’s no point. I shouldn’t have asked you. I’m sorry.” I went to move and he again pulled me back gently. This time he closed the door softly and turned to face me, his back to the door.

“Why can’t you just tell me?”

His eyes were much kinder than they had been in the last few minutes. I pressed my lips together and lowered my gaze. I lifted my shoulders as if to shrug and then blurted it out. “You slept with a couple of my friends.”

He watched me expectantly. I bit my lip and continued. “And they said you were….really good….at what you do,” I let out in a breath. “And…..” my teeth dug into my bottom lip. “I wanted to get past this….” I gestured to myself with my hand silently. “And I thought maybe….” I was looking anywhere else but at him. “Since you obviously know what you’re doing….that maybe you could….that you wouldn’t mind helping me.” I let out a deep breath. There. The truth. The complete truth.

“And that’s it?”

My eyes rose to his, my eyebrows mashing in confusion. I nodded before looking back down.

After what seemed like an awkward forever, Jake spoke. “Well, your friends aren’t wrong,” he chuckled. “But, what exactly is it that you’re hoping to get out of this, Bella? Even if I….happen to know a few things?”

I shrugged. “It’s better with someone who knows what they’re doing. Someone who will also focus on me rather than just getting in, getting off and getting out. My friends say the first time isn’t….” I grimaced. “Pleasant and that if they had been with someone who knew what they were doing, it might have been easier.”

“Bella,” He cupped my chin and lifted my eyes to his. “No matter what I do, it’s gonna hurt. There’s no getting past that.”

I bit my lip and looked elsewhere. “I know.”

He sighed. “But….” I glanced back up at him. “I’ll take care of you the best way I know how. I’ll try to make you as comfortable as possible.”

I was confused again. Was he agreeing to help me?

He must have read my mind. He released my chin and held up a finger. “But, there are conditions if I’m going to help you with this….problem.”

I waited.

“First of all, after we fuck, we go our separate ways. I don’t do relationships. I’m not looking for one and I doubt you are either. Regardless, we don’t know each other exist the minute we finish.

“Secondly, this is not love. We are not in love. You don’t love me and I don’t love you. We don’t know each other or anything about each other. It stays that way. Virgins have a nasty habit of attaching themselves to the guy they give it up to, convincing themselves that they’re in love. So, let me assure you, again, not love. This is a fuck, plain and simple.”

My brows shot up, shocked at his forwardness but then again, was I expecting any different?

“I’m serious, Bella. If I even hear you utter the L word while I’m fucking you or you ask me to say it, I’m out. I will leave you high and dry in more ways than one. I will take a jerk off session and some porn any day of the week over that shit.”

My eyes widened. Again, not surprised that he watches porn, but wow.

“Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

I nodded.

“Good. Number three, I’m wrapping it. Always do. If you don’t like that and want it bareback, tell me now. I don’t give a fuck if you’re on the pill or that it’s not your time of the month or any of that female crap; condoms or no deal. Do you have a problem with that?”

I shook my head. Of course, condoms were a requirement for me, too. I’m glad he had already put that on the table. From what I heard, not all guys like it that way so I’m glad to see he wasn’t one of them.

“Number four, I have slept with women before you, as you seem to be more than aware of, and I will continue to after you. If by some chance, you see me at another party or on the street or on a fucking plane somewhere and I’m with another chick, you will not get jealous, approach her or me, threaten us in any way or try to turn it into a girl fight.”

“Have girls really done that to you before?”

“Shit happens. So, no jealousy, no problems, because we don’t exist to each other, correct?”

I snorted and nodded again, crossing my arms.

“What?”

“Nothing. It just seems like a lot of rules for a one-time deal. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of the casual one night stand?”

He lowered his hand. “Bella, if you want me to be the one to fuck you first and fuck you proper, then you need to follow these, to the letter. Or this can’t happen.”

I saw that he was deadly serious and I contemplated it for a second. It was worth it. If anything could make Rosalie Hale gush like a school girl, it had to be worth it. I nodded.

He smiled. “Good.”

I bit my lip. “So no contact, no L word, no….bareback,” I slightly winced at the crude word. “And no jealousy. Is that right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s it for me.” His eyes trailed down my body. “What about you? Do you have any conditions?”

Did I? No, I don’t think I did. I think he pretty much covered everything.

“Nope. Pretty much everything you said back at you. I’m not looking for a relationship, either. This isn’t love, just sex. There will be NO sex without condoms. I don’t want any of your girlfriends coming at me either if they hear that we slept together, including your ‘friend’ downstairs.”

He smirked at me and grabbed the edges of my sweater, pulling me slowly to him. “Done deal.” He then proceeded to peel the sweater off of me and drop it to the floor. His hands rested on my hips, kneading softly but getting a little harder with each movement.

“Wouldn’t you rather this be with someone you know? Someone you trust? Someone you care about? Who cares about you?”

I bit my lip and stared into his dark eyes. “I do trust you and no.”

He narrowed his eyes at me for a minute before leaning in and pressing soft kisses to the skin under my ear. My eyes drifted closed. That felt really good. Neither Edward nor Colin had paid attention to that spot before. I smiled. Just another thing convincing me I was making the right decision in choosing Jake. He knew what he was doing.

“Why do you trust me? You don’t even know me,” he breathed into my ear.

“I just do,” I whispered back, tilting my head to give him better access.

“Why? Because of what your friends said?”

I shook my head and sighed contentedly when he started to lavish attention on my neck. “Mm-mmm.” I licked my lips and held him closer to me, my arm around his shoulders.

“Then why?”

His hot breath against my neck made me shiver. I licked my lips again, biting down on the bottom one. I didn’t answer and instead focused on his ministrations. He kissed a hot trail to my jawline. “Bells?”

I had had some seriously hot makeout sessions in my time but my God, I had never felt anything close to this type of burning that was now throughout my body. Nothing sexual had been done, no fondling. He hadn’t even kissed me yet but somehow….

That thought hit me. We hadn’t kissed yet. I wanted to be kissed by him. Would he not want to? Was it too personal for him? Should I have added that as a condition?

“Jake,” I whispered into his ear as he had moved back to my neck, suckling on my skin.

“Hmm?” I heard him, slightly muffled.

“I was just wondering,” I gasped when I felt him bite down and then sighed when he soothed the area with his tongue. “A-Are we allowed to….kiss? Or is that another,” I gasped again when he suckled on the spot harder. “C-Condition?”

“Uh uh,” he said into my ear before nipping the lobe, making me gasp once more. I would be lying if I said that didn’t disappoint me. While I had nixed the fairy tale version of my first time and changed the participant, I had still wanted to be kissed. He pulled back, keeping our faces inches from each other.

“There will be lots of kissing,” he let out in a harsh breath before he crushed his lips to mine. His tongue swept into my mouth, moving against mine, and I moaned. He picked me up once again and carried me to the bed. He laid me down gently and then lifted up, making me let out a small whimper.

He chuckled and straightened up. He unbuttoned a few of the top buttons on his shirt before he worked it over his head with one arm and then tossed it behind him. His chest was magnificent and his abs were sculpted perfection. He was literally a russet god in front of me. He was beautiful.

He then lowered himself back onto me and began kissing me again, more passionately than before. We were both breathing through our noses loudly and I couldn’t help but gasp against him whenever his talented tongue or hands did something incredible.

To his credit, he didn’t go in for the kill right away. His hands roamed over my body, squeezing here and there, but always over my dress. It was some time before he dove underneath the skirt and rubbed at my panties. I broke away, gasping and undulating under his hand. He groaned and dropped his forehead to my shoulder. “Holy shit, you’re already wet for me.”

I blushed. I hadn’t realized just how much I had saturated the fabric. In the end, it wouldn’t really matter but old habits die hard, I guess. I busied myself with kissing his bare shoulder, his collarbone and his neck.

I shyly reached my hand to his crotch, felt the bulge that was up against the inside of my thigh and began to rub. “Can I touch you?” I whispered.

He raised his head and stared down at me, panting. “Bells, you can touch me all you want but first we have to get this off of you.” He sat up and pulled me with him. He found the zipper at the back and hurriedly pulled it down.

It hit me then that I was really going to do this. I was going to lose my virginity tonight. Here, in this room. Wait, in this room? At this party? Hadn’t I planned on that, though?

“Jake,” I felt him tug at the tie around my neck, loosening it.

“Yeah?”

“Are we really going to do this here?”

He froze and then moved back to look at me. “Where did you think this was going to happen?”

At the tone of his voice, I bit my lip and looked down, a little ashamed for asking him to help me, lead him on and then stop him. “I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t figured that part out yet.”

To my surprise, he chuckled. He brushed the backs of his fingers across my cheek gently. “You’re gonna be tough to please, aren’t you?”

I glanced up at him, angry. “No! I just didn’t….it’s not like….whatever.” I huffed and crossed my arms, looking away from him.

He sighed and then pulled my face towards him again. “Is it really that important to you where it happens? What’s wrong with this? We have a bed, a room to ourselves. What more do you want?”

“I just didn’t expect it to be….at a party….with everyone outside….listening….” I studied the comforter underneath us.

He chuckled again. “Honey, I think they’re all rather preoccupied right now. I doubt they’ll hear us at all.” I smiled up at him. I was glad he didn’t call me baby or any other cheap name he called the rest of these women. I guess honey could be another he used but when he called me it, it put me at ease strangely enough. He brushed my hair over my shoulder. “Besides, isn’t this what you figured would happen if I agreed to do this for you?”

I bit my lip and dropped my eyes. “I guess you have a point.”

I heard him sigh again and before I knew it, he was laying down next to me and pulling me with him. I laid my head on his shoulder and I felt him rubbing my upper arm soothingly.

“Alright, Bells, let’s talk about this candidly. How exactly did you imagine things working out?”

“With you?” I turned up to him.

He shook his head. “No. I mean, in general, your first time.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He glanced down at me, a brow arched. “You’ve never imagined it? Never thought about it? Not even once?”

“Well, no,” His brow arched higher. “Okay yeah, I’ve thought about it but nothing specific.”

He closed his eyes and relaxed. “No place in particular?”

I shook my head, drawing circles on his chest. “No.”

“Okay. On a bed, on a couch, the shower, a car, what?”

I grimaced. “A bed.”

“Candles?”

I bit my lip. “Um, I guess.”

“Soft music? Sort of like what’s playing now?”

“Okay.”

“Typical.”

I flinched. Never would I tell him that was how I had tried to set up my first night back with Colin. I grimaced again and buried my head into his chest, not even thinking. I shuddered at the memory and he resumed rubbing my arm, pulling me in a little tighter.

“Cold?” He asked.

“Um, yeah,” I lied.

He turned on his side towards me and encased me fully in his arms, leaving his lips near my hairline. He never once opened his eyes. His hands rubbed my back.

Eventually they slowed to a stop. I could hear his breathing becoming deep and even.

“Jake?”

He started awake and pulled me closer. “Dammit, Bells, I’m falling asleep. You should have hit me up last weekend and five beers ago.”

“Why?”

He yawned and maneuvered us so we were under the covers. “Been a busy week at work. Everyone leaving campus is trying to get everything done before they leave. Parties all week and overtime, I’m exhausted.” He yawned again, holding me tight.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I can always….” I started to sit up but he tugged me back down to him.

“Nah, Bells. Just give me twenty minutes and then I’ll be good to go again. I just need a quick power nap. I can’t wait until next week when I can actually sleep again.”

He started to drift off again when I thought of something. I didn’t want to wake him up but my curiosity got the better of me and needed to be sated.

“Jake?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah, Bells?”

“That….in the hallway before….what we….saw…..” I bit my lip and rested my chin on his chest, looking up at him. “Do you do that kind of stuff?”

His eyes flipped open and he stared down at me.

I immediately started backtracking. “I-I don’t mean….I just meant….have you ever….,” I heaved a big sigh. “I just meant, are you into it?”

He frowned at me. “Sex? Yes. Turning it into a fucking dog and pony show? No. Why? Are _you_ into that?”

I blushed but I saw him studying me carefully. “Um, no, no.” I lifted my head and dropped my eyes to his chest. “Not at all.”

“Are you sure? You seemed like you wanted to stop and watch for a while.”

I met his eyes. “No.”

He didn’t look away. “Then why did you stop?”

I scoffed. “It’s not something you see every day and it kind of….caught me off guard.”

He must have been carefully considering my answer because he didn’t say a word and he never blinked.

I ended up blushing. “Jake, I am a virgin here! It’s not exactly like I frequent sex clubs and I enjoy watching other people getting off!”

He still didn’t respond. I rolled my eyes and sat up on my knees, crossing my arms. “I was just surprised that they were so open about it, that’s all. And the guy with the camera and the girls downstairs….” I grimaced in disgust.

Jake lifted himself up onto his elbow and kept his eyes trained on me.

“It’s all the rage nowadays. You can’t do anything without someone filming it and putting it on the net. Those girls down there just wanted attention and they got it. Same for the girl and guys in the room. That’s just what happens at these things. Haven’t you ever been to a party before?”

My face heated up. “Not like this one. I mean, I’ve been to them before to pick Jess up but never did I see anything like that.”

He cocked his head, studying me. “You’re really a small town girl, aren’t you? A _real_ good girl?”

I bit my lip and dropped my arms. “If I was a good girl,” I gestured towards him. “Would we even be having this conversation right now? We wouldn’t be talking at all.”

I saw something flash in his eyes but it was too fast for me to identify. He lowered his gaze and shook his head once. “Probably not. Oh well. Guess you’re not a good girl after all.” He then laid back and rested his arm underneath his head, staring up at the ceiling.

I wasn’t sure what to say, it seemed kind of uncomfortable all of a sudden. “So, you’re not into the whole filming a sex tape thing?”

He snorted and looked over at her. “Nope, never have been. Call me old fashioned but I like some privacy. I mean, I’ve certainly watched before and it’s hard not to get turned on, especially when two women are going at it, but a big production like that? Not my scene.” He shook his head and turned back to the ceiling.

I moved over to sit back against the headboard next to him, my arms crossed. “When you say you’ve watched….”

“I mean, I’ve watched. Sometimes when I hook up, it’s a group thing.”

I stared down at him in horror. “So, it’s true then? You’re really a gangbanger now?”

His eyes widened and his head snapped towards me. “What?!?” And then he burst out into laughter. I continued to glare at him, waiting for him to stop. He shook his head. “God, Bells. Who comes up with this shit? Gangbanger? Seriously? Oh fuck, that is classic. I can’t wait to tell the guys.” He ran a hand through his hair. “First, I break in virgins and now I’m a gangbanger. Wow. Somebody sure has their facts fucked up.”

“But you just said, a group thing. You admitted to it.”

He scoffed. “I did not. I meant I’ve been part of the occasional threesome. And sometimes I was with two women and they were happy to do things without me and just let me watch. Jesus.”

My eyes widened again. “Oh.”

He laughed again. “Gangbanger. I’ll need to add that to my list of skills. Which reminds me,” He grabbed me and pulled me down to his chest, making me yelp in surprise. He then was hovering over me, his face nearly close to mine. “Are you done interviewing me? Did I get the job? Do you still want me to be the one to do this for you or no? Gangbanging skills and all?” He smirked good-naturedly down at me. The light in his eyes showed me he was truly amused by what I had said.

“Um….yeah….yes….if you still want to.” I wasn’t sure how else to say it.

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. But before he could, there was a loud yell in the hall. “Yeah, boys! Fuck those bitches silly!” And then there was an even louder bang against the door, making me jump. And then another bang and then another and many more. In between, I could hear a long wail of a moan. “That’s it, man! Give me some door action! Really fucking pound her, dude!” What the—were these people serious?

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Jake went from amused to pissed in seconds and he jumped up, heading to the door. He unlocked it and threw it open quickly, causing the couple against it to fall to the floor. “WHAT THE FUCK?!!?” Jake hollered.

Everyone in the hallway laughed and that pissed Jake off more. He turned to the naked couple on the floor. “Get the fuck out of here! Can’t you see I’m fucking busy? GET THE FUCK OUT!”

The guy and girl scrambled to their feet and hurried from the room as people in the crowd yelled out, “Sorry, J. Won’t happen again.” The people out in the hall stared in at us and I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest. “KEEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS ROOM!!!” And then Jake slammed the door, making me jump again. He locked it as there was more banging but it was further down, away from our door, followed by more cheers. Jake sighed angrily and shook his head before coming back to the bed.

He laid back down next to me and pulled me against him. “Sorry,” he murmured into my hair.

“It’s okay,” I whispered.

His fingers brushed soothingly over my arm back and forth in an exaggerated motion.

It was a few minutes before either of us spoke again. “I don’t think tonight’s gonna be the night, Bells,” he said sleepily.

My nerves got the best of me. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked timidly. I didn’t think I had but I needed to be sure.

“No, honey, it’s not you. I’m just really not in the mood now. I’m fucking exhausted as all fuck and well, you were right, this place sucks.”

I giggled into his neck.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing. Just that the gangbanger sounds like a cranky old man in his seventies and he doesn’t want to get it on because he doesn’t like the surroundings. I’m sorry, would you prefer a bed with candles and soft music?”

“Maybe.”

“Typical.” I giggled again and this time he joined me.

I felt him smile against the top of my head. “It’s all about the location.” He then laughed. “You’re quite the little smartass, Bells.” He yawned again and then whispered in my ear, “I like that.”

I couldn’t help but smile. At least he liked something about me.

“I guess I should go get Jess and head home.”

I heard him inhale sharply and then clear his throat. He had been falling back asleep. I felt bad. His hand immediately flew to my back and rubbed wide circles. “Jess is fine. She’s with Paul. He’ll take care of her. You don’t need to go. Plus, we didn’t work out the when and where yet.” He yawned once more and pulled me closer.

I did want to stay here in this nice toasty bed next to Jake but I didn’t know if I should let Jess be alone too long. She’d probably be calling me soon anyway. “I don’t know….”

“She’s fine. He likes her. She’ll be okay. Now, shut the hell up, Swan, and go to sleep like a good girl.”

I gasped. He did know it was me. He knew the whole time!

He held me against him firmly so I couldn’t escape. “Did you really think I didn’t know it was you?” He whispered to my hair. “That I wouldn’t recognize you the moment I saw you? _B_?”

I was absolutely horrified. “I….wasn’t sure….”

“Um-hmm.”

I slapped his chest. "Why didn't you say anything then?" I was livid and my humiliation made it worse.

"Shh, easy, honey. It didn't seem like you wanted me to. But, now, before we do this thing, I think we should come clean. Besides," I could hear the smile in his voice. "It was kind of fun, letting you think I didn't know who you were."

He then leaned down and ran his nose along my cheek. “Been a long time, huh?”

I bit my lip, uncertain how I felt about this new development. “Yeah.”

He then moved me onto my back and hovered above me, staring down at me. “So, I’m gonna ask you again.” His dark eyes held me immobile in their gaze. “Did you decide to ask me just because you heard about me and my mad skills or was there more to it?”

I glared up at him. “My, aren’t we cocky?”

He smirked in response. “You have no idea.” And then it slowly faded. “Answer the question, Bells.”

“Why is it so important to you? I thought you said you didn’t want a relationship or to know anything about me.”

“I don’t want a relationship. And I meant what I said, but I do want to know this one thing. Was it a factor, Bells? Is that what you meant when you said you knew you could trust me?”

I bit my lip in thought but then nodded once.

He kissed me before laying his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath.

“Twelve years is a long time, honey. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

I stared up at him in confusion. “Wait, didn’t you just say you didn’t want to know anything about me or know that I exist? Didn’t you just agree when I reiterated it?”

His eyes opened and he smile down at me. “As a girlfriend, Bells. I don’t do commitment. But a friend with certain benefits, now that I might be able to handle. So, tell me, how’s college life treating you so far?”

I narrowed my eyes up at him and he freaking laughed at me.


	3. It Feels Like Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

If you asked me how I had gotten myself into this situation, I wouldn’t be able to tell you because I had no clue.

Somehow at the end of the night, Jake and I were leaving the party hand in hand.

After he had admitted he knew it was me, we had talked for a little bit more. He informed me that he was working full-time for a garage that was right near the school. I told him I was living in one of the dorms and Jess was my roommate. I found out that he was renting a house with his friends and he found out that Dad had started to see Sue Clearwater, a development that he wasn’t aware of and wondered aloud if his dad knew. When I mentioned Leah’s name, a look of pure disgust crossed his face and he immediately became interested in playing with my hair. We never discussed why our dads weren’t friends anymore, considering we didn’t know the reason, or at least I didn’t. I discovered the real reason he was no longer at UW was due to his grades. He had partied too much and had been overall lazy. When he didn’t get his GPA back up to a suitable level, he lost all funding for the scholarship he had gotten and chose to leave. He recounted the way Billy had lost his temper and refused to talk to his son for two weeks while his sister, Rachel, continued to harass him, urging him to go back so her sacrifice of staying at home so he could go to school wouldn’t be in vain. We kept talking until we both fell asleep. When we woke a few hours later, we both had redressed and gotten ready to go downstairs. Before we left the room, he had asked for my number so he could get in touch with me, gave me his and then asked me one more time if I was sure that this was what I wanted. I had bitten my lip and nodded. After we had talked, I felt more comfortable with him and I wanted it to be him. He had nodded as well, taken my hand and kissed my forehead, whispering, “Okay, honey. Let me walk you to your car.”

So, now we were on our way outside. Thankfully, the crowd that had been outside the ‘sex room’ I had dubbed it had broken up. There were no longer any screams or moans or slapping sounds and for that I was immensely grateful. I did my best to ignore all the stares and glares in my direction and the daggers the blonde shot at me; she was still there surprisingly, hanging off of Jake’s friend, Quil, who was also leering at me. I moved in closer to Jake, trying to hide my face in his broad shoulder. He glanced down at me, saw what I was trying to do and smirked. He let go of my hand, wrapped an arm around me, pulling me in even tighter into him, and continued walking us out the door. He didn’t even acknowledge the blonde or the death glare she sent his way. I supposed he was used to it.

He led me over to where I had parked earlier and then pulled away from me. I found myself missing his warmth already. I knew it was strange to have such a feeling considering I didn’t really know him all that well and the situation we were both in but I liked it when he kept me close. I needn’t have worried, though, because he sat on the hood and grabbed my hand, tugging me over in between his legs. Before I could say anything, he gripped the back of my neck and kissed me.

When he was done, he moved back to smirk at me as he tangled his fingers in my hair near the nape of my neck, massaging my scalp. “We’ll set something up for next week.”

I nodded, not sure how else to respond.

He watched me for a minute and then the smirk turned into a smile. “I like that you got dressed up for me.”

I blushed again, dropping my eyes to his chest and biting my lip. I heard him chuckle and then felt the fingers of his other hand trailing my collarbone. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I can’t wait to see how far that blush goes.”

My cheeks were hot and he chuckled again. He mercifully let up on me and distracted me by beginning to kiss my neck. I sighed and fisted my hands in his shirt, making sure he was as close as could get, my eyes drifting closed. I loved the way he touched me, the way he kissed me. Even though we hadn’t had sex yet, I was already starting to feel like Jake was a dangerous drug that I was quickly becoming addicted to. I was a little disappointed when he mentioned next week and not in the next hour. I could see why girls had a hard time letting him go after they had been with him. I got it now.

“You’re sure this is what you want, Bells?”

My eyes snapped open at his question. “I mean, are you really okay with this being a one-time thing? With the….conditions?” He breathed into my ear.

Was I okay with this being a one-time thing? Now that he knew it was me and we sort of had a past, no matter how minute it really was?

The images of him with the blonde, Rose’s and Jess’ faces when talking about how good he had been and his cocky smirk when I had informed him of the raves of his performance made the decision for me.

Yes.

I was.

I knew what kind of guy he was going into this and no matter how good he made me feel, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I knew a part of him the other girls didn’t and never would, I would never forget it.

I nodded and he kissed the skin under my ear softly. I laid my head down on his shoulder and he hugged me tightly. His hands slowly slipped down my back, cupped my backside and pulled me flush against him, making me gasp in surprise. My face started to heat up when he continued to knead my ass. Colin had certainly done a lot more than that to me but we also hadn’t had an audience either. Jake and I were surrounded by people, some stumbling around drunk, some doing far worse than us in the front yard near the shrubbery, some just hanging out and talking. But, Jake didn’t seem to care that they were around so after a minute or two, I ceased to care either and got comfortable against him, closing my eyes once more.

His hands then moved to my back and rubbed up and down in a soothing manner. He nipped my ear lobe and I heard him inhale deeply before squeezing me.

“Come home with me,” he said into my hair.

I smiled and turned my head to bury it into his neck. “And how many women have you said that to, _J_?”

He didn’t answer right away and I was about to pull back to look at him, wondering if I had somehow offended him, when he spoke. “None that regretted it.” Then I felt a tug on my neck strap.

I jerked back from him, eyes wide, my hands holding my dress up. “What are you doing?”

He had the audacity to give me a smirk before sticking his hand into the top of my dress, past the bra and cupping my breast. He then grabbed my ass with his other hand and roughly pulled me back to him. “Convincing you.” He then attacked my neck with renewed vigor.

I was in shock, so much that I didn’t stop him from feeling me up in front of everyone. And when he started to massage me and roll my nipple between his fingers, I couldn’t prevent the quiet whimpers escaping my throat. The hand that was on my ass was suddenly in my hair, gripping it tight and yanking my head back. I let out a very unladylike grunt and then a gasp when he bit down into my neck. When he withdrew his teeth, I wound my fingers into his strands and pulled, making him grunt in return, and crushed his mouth with mine. I kissed him feverishly and tugged on his hair harder. He growled into my lips and I silenced him with my tongue. I put so much force into it that I started pushing him onto his back. I crawled on top of him, following him down, and placed my knees on either side of his hips. I could feel him trying to break away for air, but I didn’t let him. I was already breathing through my nose, not caring what sounds I made; he could, too. It was clear that I was the one dominating this time.

My hands wandered down to his chest and I scratched them downwards roughly, making him hiss into my mouth. His hands were back on my ass, this time gripping hard, and he began moving me against him. I broke the kiss, gasping and arching my head back, eyes closed and moaning when I felt his bulge rubbing against me. It only made me hotter for him. Within moments, I was back kissing him, this time forcing him to swallow my moans as I pushed my hips back against his forcefully. I, In turn, swallowed his grunts and his groans. I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip and tugged it towards me, biting down fully when I did. I heard him gasp but I didn’t stop; I was too far gone. I released him, nipping a trail starting at his chin as he panted, and when I reached his neck, I bit down with the same amount of pressure he had bitten me with. He growled again and it turned me on even further. He tried to get up but I shoved him back down with both hands on his shoulders, making him slam loudly against the hood. How I had done that, I had no clue. Even Jake looked shocked and then more so when I growled back at him before leaning in and sucking his ear lobe into my mouth. At the same time, I slid my hand down to his crotch and began rubbing him through his jeans. He began breathing even faster and he nipped at my bare shoulder.

He was big, so big. Unfortunately, Rose and Jess and every other girl he had ever slept with had boasted more than once about his size and just how good it felt. But as I felt it now, confined in his pants, their stories didn’t do him justice. I wanted to feel him for myself, to feel as good as he had made them feel. For the tiniest split second, I wondered if I had been too hasty in agreeing to his sex with condoms requirement.

Jake did something to me. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I wasn’t really thinking at all, except how to get his dick free and into my mouth. _Where the fuck did that come from?_ I distracted myself from thinking anything further by popping the button on his jeans and slipping my hand inside. When my hand made contact with his smooth yet firm member, I let out a short breath in shock. He was so much bigger than I had even thought a mere minute ago. He inhaled sharply and I groaned appreciatively into his ear. I smiled when I felt him trying to push himself more into my hand.

The jeans were restraining him and his cock needed to be released. I _needed_ to feel him.

Within seconds, my fingers were deftly working the zipper down when he grabbed my wrist. “W-Wait—,“ he breathed. He didn’t get anything else out because I immediately pressed my lips to his. I did not want him talking right then.

But unfortunately, my distraction was in vain because before I could get the zipper down the next set of teeth, a screech to my left broke my concentration.

“Beeeeeeeeee, what are you doinnnng?”

We both froze and our eyes popped open, staring at each other.

“Shhh, shut the fuck up! It was just getting good. Paul, fucking shut your girl up already.”

“Ten bucks says after he fucks her, she’ll be begging to come back home with us. Just like the rest. Hope Jakey is in a giving mood like last time.”

Jake’s grip on my side tightened, forcing me to wince as I disconnected my mouth from his.

“Aw, man, that would be sweet. She’s a sexy little piece of ass. I wouldn’t mind taking her on when he’s done. She looks like a fiery little hellcat. Damn, I wish Jake had let me hit that first. It’s always the quiet ones, man. That blonde was pure shit. She didn’t even suck me off. Seems like Jake got the better deal. Fuck.”

“Hell yeah she is. Look at her, she’s about to deepthroat him in front of half the city.”

“Do you think Jake would be pissed if I just went and slipped it in while she was blowing him?” A quiet growl escaped Jake underneath me and his fingers dug painfully into my flesh. I yelped and shot up away from him. Laughter ensued and it was like a large bucket of ice cold water had been thrown on me.

I extracted my hand from Jake’s pants and quickly climbed off. I got to my feet, ignoring the “aww man, Paul, teach your bitch to keep her fucking mouth shut!” and smoothed down my dress, my face burning hot from my humiliation. I noticed my dress was loose at the top. I wasn’t showing anything but it was more than evident that the tie at my neck was not tied correctly. I lifted my hands to check it and discovered a messy bow, like a shoelace that had been tied in haste. Then it hit me. Jake had undone it right before the kissing started and in our lust-filled haze, I had completely forgotten about it. He must have retied it but when?

Jake was standing next to me, closing up his jeans. I moved to stand behind him, clenching my fists in his shirt and burying my face into his back, hoping his hulking form would hide me.

“Sorry, dude. Paul’s girl wouldn’t shut the fuck up.”

“Heyyy!”

“Shut the fuck up, Quil! You were the one who kept your fucking mouth running.”

“All I’m saying is you could have given her something to do so she couldn’t talk. Jake would be balls deep in this snatch right about now and we’d all be getting a fucking show if you had. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Fuck you!”

“At least there’d be some kind of fucking going on around here.”

“That’s enough,” They all stopped as soon as Jake spoke. He spoke so calmly, it sounded almost menacing in a way. “Em, grab the car, would you? I think it’s about time we got the fuck out of here. This party’s dead now, anyway.”

“You got it, bro.”

It stung when Jake didn’t say a word in defense of me or threaten them over their verbal treatment of me. But what was I expecting? That Jake would all of a sudden play the role of knight in shining armor? He wasn’t my boyfriend or my friend or even some guy that could be a potential date. He was Jake Black, bad boy and womanizer extraordinaire. I was just another girl he was going to sleep with, who had come onto him and not the first to do so. What did I expect? Just because he could make my body feel amazing didn’t mean that he was going to treat me or my heart with the same care.

My eyes widened. _Wait, my heart?_ I stopped right there. There was no heart on either side involved in this. We had just seen each other again after ten plus years and even then we didn’t know each other really. And now, we didn’t know each other at all. I wasn’t some girl he glanced at across the room at some New Year’s Eve Party one year that he could tell our kids the story someday about how he fell in love with me at first sight. It was purely a physical attraction, pure need. And an arrangement for the most part.

Sex.

Not love.

Just sex.

I mentally shook myself and braced against any further degrading and rude commentary directed at me.

Once the guys started talking again, about other things, thank God, a large hand slowly started to rub my right side and the tension started to leave my body. I relaxed into Jake, closing my eyes. Little did I know, Jess had popped up on my left.

“Wow, Beeeee, I didn’t know you had it in you.” I opened my eyes and looked at her. She giggled and hiccupped simultaneously. And then she leaned in, cupping her hand in front of her mouth. “Did you guys hook up? Did you lose the V card like you wanted?” She asked me in the loudest whisper possible.

Jake’s hand froze and I prayed none of the others had heard. The silence following was louder than the ruckus had been seconds before. I swear my heart stopped beating and I was utterly mortified. I burrowed myself further into Jake, shutting my eyes tightly, preparing for the onslaught.

Sure enough, within seconds, I was close to tears when I heard one of the guys, Quil it sounded like, ask, “Yo, what? She’s a virgin? Seriously? No fucking way!” They all screamed in laughter and Jessica joined them because she was too drunk to know the difference. Jake’s hand left me and I let a small tear escape into his shirt. I immediately regretted ever making the decision to come here tonight.

“No wonder she was attacking you, dude.”

“Please tell me you popped that cherry and gave it to her good, bro.”

“So that’s why she wanted to talk to you alone, eh, boss?”

“You’re lucky, sweetheart. Virgins are Jake’s specialty. By the time he’s done with them, they’re all fired up and ready to ride any cock available. And _I’ll_ be there when that happens.”

They laughed once more and I let go of Jake. I understood that I wasn’t someone important to him, that I was just another girl, and these were his friends but why didn’t he say anything? Who lets any guy talk about any girl like that? Maybe I was wrong, about him, about the way it all works, about everything. I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat, wipe my cheek and turn away to pick up the sweater and bag I had dropped to the ground before.

“Jess, come on. Get in the car and let’s go home,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes downcast.

“Nooooo. I want to stayyyyyy with Paulllll.”

I didn’t look towards her to confirm. I just nodded and unlocked the car, getting in. I desperately needed to get out of here.

I went to shut the door when a russet hand flashed out, preventing me from pulling it closed. I glared up at the intruder to find Jake staring down at me, a funny expression on his face. “Wait a second,” he commanded. I ignored him and was about to slam the door shut with or without his hand there, when he blocked me by leaning his whole body against it and straightened up.

“Guys,” he cut through all the laughter and shouts. They quieted down immediately and I kept my eyes focused on my shaking hands in my lap. “Head on outta here. I’ll be there in a bit.”

More catcalls and jokes erupted and my hands shook even more. The tears were blurring my vision and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold them back.

Jake’s voice cut through the noise once more. “Get going.”

The guys were still loud in their leaving, telling Jake to go easy on me and not ride me too hard, to save some for them and other crude things. I shakily put the keys in the ignition and started the car. The russet hand flashed out of nowhere again, covering mine and shutting the car back off. I got angry then.

“Get your hand off of me,” I spat out.

“Bells—“

“Bells nothing. I’m going home. Get away from me. Now,” I seethed.

I heard a sigh next to me and then my hand was free. I started the car up again and was about to close the door when I felt arms around me. Before I could jerk away from them and yell at their owner, I was picked up and unceremoniously dumped in the passenger seat. I scrambled to sit upright, furious, when Jake got into the driver’s seat and put the car into drive.

“What do you think you’re doing, Jake?” I yelled.

He sighed again and gently put a hand on my knee. I yanked my knee away but he tightened his grip and held on. He brought the car to a stop and turned to look at me. I could see his annoyance clear as day but in no way did it match mine. I was about to explode on him when he released my knee to grab my hand. He pulled me to him, taking my other hand in his as well, and kissed me roughly.

I tried to break away but he wouldn’t let me. His other hand was firmly clasped around the back of my neck, holding me in place. I tried to scream, say anything, but it came out completely muffled by his lips. I did my best to push him back but to no avail. My hands were bound so I couldn’t hit him. The only thing I could do was wait until he was finished.

My body went slack and I impatiently waited, letting him do what he needed to while he got no response from me. He noticed and moved back, staring hard at me. I stared just as hard back.

“I’m sorry they upset you, Bells. I really am. They’re ballbusters, all of ‘em, and they were just fucking around. But they’re good guys. Really. They don’t mean any harm.”

I scoffed and jerked away from him. He let my hands go and I crossed my arms and stared out the window. “Yeah, great group of friends you’ve got there, Jake. Real class acts.”

He snorted and started driving again. “What was going on in front of them wasn’t all that classy, either, Bella.” Venom coated his tone and it was obvious I had pissed him off.

I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. He was a real jerk. Not only did he not stop his friends from their disgusting remarks but now he was defending them and calling me a slut for all intents and purposes in the same breath? It was too much.

I shut my eyes but the tears came anyway. I opened them back up and kept them trained on the passing scenery. I knew I had gotten carried away back there but so had he and not once did he indicate that he wasn’t enjoying it.

I gazed at my reflection and watched as the tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. What had I been thinking? Why did I ever convince myself that Jake was someone who could be trusted? For all I knew, had we had sex back at the party in that upstairs room, maybe he would’ve gone and boasted to his friends, making me just another story. And a target for his buddies who hadn’t nailed me yet like they were saying.

And I hadn’t missed the comments about Jake sharing his girls with them or that Jake specialized in virgins. He had laughed when I had mentioned those two factors in his reputation and dismissed them like they were nothing. But obviously, they weren’t nothing.

There it was, the cold hard fact staring me in the face. Jake had lied to me because he was trying to get into my pants. Even though I had been willing to let him in anyway, he was trying to seal the deal. And I had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Just like the girls he bedded on a daily basis. What an idiot I was.

It was almost cruel when I thought back to how I had been offering it up to him and would’ve let him had he continued but instead he put on the act and played hard to get with me. We really had fallen asleep together and he had been sweet, understanding, patient and gentle with me. We had talked and laughed and reached an agreement. Was all of that just so I would think what he wanted me to and then he would get me back to their house like his friends said? He would have me first and then hand me off to the guys to get their share? He _had_ asked me to go home with him….

I shook myself mentally. No. Even though, Jake definitely was not someone I was familiar with at this point in time, I did know that he would never do anything like that to me. He might be a player, lie, cheat, tell girls like me what they wanted to hear to reach the ultimate goal of sex, but he would never offer me up to his friends like yesterday’s leftovers. Maybe I was too naïve, too much of a trusting idiot in this type of situation that I had put myself in but somewhere deep within, some strange innate knowledge, some instinctual perception, was telling me I was okay with Jake. I could trust myself with him. Just not my heart. And I hadn’t gone to see him tonight to put my heart in his care so things were alright.

I reminded myself that I could not expect him to be some chivalrous, compassionate and loving guy towards me. He might dote on me, or more specifically my body, when the time came but other than that, I was on my own. If I expected anything more than that, I would only be letting myself down in the end. Jake had never pretended with me, to be something that he wasn’t; he had never pulled any punches. His friends were assholes and by extension, so was he. But, I had known that going in. I needed to get over any hurt feelings or wounded pride I had and put them aside. This arrangement was not about emotions. It was about physicality, pure and simple pleasure, a one-time deal as he had called it.

I closed my eyes and nearly groaned as the images of minutes ago replayed in my head. In my embarrassment and hurry to get out of there, I completely forgot about other bystanders. Great. Not only did Jake and his friends think I was a whore, but now the whole school would as well. Maybe Jake was right, maybe I shouldn’t have lost control like that….

“I’m tired, Bells,” he said, sounding just as weary as he said. “I’m just tired and maybe I shouldn’t—“

I didn’t wait for him to finish, to tell me he wasn’t interested anymore. I cleared my throat as quietly as I could and willed my voice to be steady. “Where are you taking me?”

It was a full minute before he answered. “Back to the campus,” he replied flatly.

I nodded, still not looking at him. I felt his fingers brush against my knee. “Hey.” I didn’t respond; instead, I ignored him. I did not want him to say anything more. I just wasn’t in a state to handle it. Maybe by tomorrow I would be, but not tonight. Too many things had happened tonight and I had way too much to process before having a clear headed conversation. “Honey?” I closed my eyes, wanting to weep at the soft concern in his voice. I was definitely going to have a hard time reminding myself continuously that I was just a notch in his belt, a notch that I asked to be, when he talked to me this way. Maybe us knowing who each other was, wasn’t such a good thing, after all.

He scoffed when I didn’t say a word. “Look, Bells,” I shut my eyes tighter. The anger was back in his tone. “I get it that you’re embarrassed about what happened back there and so you’re pissed. I get it, alright?” My eyes snapped open and I saw his reflection in the window. “But just because your friend said what she said in front of them doesn’t mean anything’s changed. Not for me. Unless,” he turned narrowed eyes on me then. “It has for you.”

So, now his friends were completely cleared in everything they said and it was _my_ friend that was the problem? Yes, Jess was partially responsible for my humiliation but she also had an excuse. She had been intoxicated and what she had said had not been near as crude as what his friends had said. What were their excuses?

I decided I would not say another word the rest of the ride. I would not speak to him again until my tongue could be trusted. I discreetly wiped my face and then snapped forward, turning my radio on. I took a deep breath and resumed my original position, thankful when the music filled the car.

I watched him watch me through the window’s reflection and the way he looked at me reminded me of the expressions I had seen Edward and Colin wear when they had hurt me. They were deeply apologetic yet nothing had changed, they would not undo their actions if they could. They just wished I hadn’t been hurt in the process. I heard him sigh and then saw him turn back to the road.

He stayed silent the rest of the ride to campus.

**********************************************************************************

We were coming near the dorm buildings and he asked me which one I was in.

“Stevens,” I said flatly.

He nodded and kept quiet the rest of the way. When we got to the lot, he parked and pulled the keys out of the ignition. We just sat there, both staring at the car parked in front of us.

I wondered what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to grab my keys, get out of my car and go in the building? Was I supposed to tell him I wouldn’t be meeting him next week? Say thanks but I’ll get someone else to help me out, it’s been fun? What was the right thing to do here? And what on earth was wrong with me that I was having such trouble with it? Since when had I become so damn infuriating, even to my own self?

“I’m sorry for what happened back there,” he let out in a breath.

He fiddled with the keys in his hand quietly. “I’m sorry for everything they said, for upsetting you and,” He turned his head in my direction but never really looked at me. “For making you cry.”

I didn’t respond, didn’t acknowledge it. But he _had_ seen me. Damn him.

“It was wrong of them to say but,” He went back to studying the keys. “They were just being typical guys, Bells. They bust my balls every chance they get and I just have to take it in stride. It’s just the way it goes. They really are good guys, I’m telling you. I’ve known them my whole life, grown up with them. They just like to—“

“I should have known when I heard Paul was part of your group.”

His head shot up and he looked at me then. I refused to meet his gaze and kept my eyes fixed ahead.

“Paul? He’s not that bad, Bells.”

I turned a ferocious glare on him and he actually had the decency to look slightly intimidated. “I know he treated you like shit that one time when you were little but, honey, trust me. He’s changed a lot since then. He’s not the same kid that you met all those years ago.”

“Oh, so I’m not the _hokwat_ anymore? Jess is now and that’s okay? She doesn’t get pushed around or called names or hurt? All is good now because he’s sleeping with Jess? Is that what you’re telling me?” I spat at him.

He winced at the word Paul had thrown at me so long ago. He dropped his eyes to his hands. “No, I’m not saying that,” he answered softly, so softly I had to strain to hear him. “He was wrong for calling you that and treating you that way. That’s why I hit him that day. He knows that. But….he’s not like that anymore. Things at his house weren’t….easy. Not until his dad left. As hard as it was, it was better for him and his mom. Paul’s dad filled his head with a lot of bad stuff and what happened with you, that was part of it. My dad sort of helped to….get rid of it. He took Paul under his wing kinda when we were growing up and now Paul looks up to him, listens to him. He’s like a brother to me, Bells.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that in truth. I turned to look out the window again. “How nice for Paul,” I replied flatly.

I shook my head, snorting. “They’re crude and disrespectful and….just all around horrible and you know it. You’re not going to convince me otherwise. Not after that! Funny that Paul seemed to be the only one not going on about screwing me or watching us together. But, yeah, they’re great friends, Jake. Great guys, really. Do they do that to every girl you hook up with? Do you get some sick perverse pleasure out of it or something? When Quil talks about how he wants to sleep with me right after you? Or how about in front of you, as long as I’m getting you both off? I mean, what is that, Jake?”

He glared at me. “You don’t know them,” he said menacingly.

“Wrong,” I spat. “I don’t know _you_.”

He snorted, shaking his head, and looked away. I continued to stare at him, waiting for his response, his reaction, his eyes to meet mine, something. But when that didn’t happen, I looked away myself, taking a deep breath to calm down. It wasn’t my place to give him a hard time about his friends. I wasn’t his mother, his sisters or his girlfriend. We hadn’t been on a date. I had no rights. I had spoken my piece; he knew how I felt about how I had been treated and that was enough.

“Why do you care what I think about Paul or any of your friends, anyway? This is just another one of your hook-ups, isn’t it? I ask you to hook up and you go for it and it’s done, right? It’s not like I’ll even be around in two weeks. I won’t exist to you, remember?” I swiveled my head back towards him, glowering.

He stared at me for a minute, his expression unreadable and then his jaw tightened. He dropped his gaze to the keys once more. “You’re right.”

“So, there you go.” I turned back to my window.

More silence passed.

I felt his hand, hesitantly covering my knee, as if he knew I would shirk it off. When I strangely didn’t, he gripped it more confidently. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I shook my head once. “You’re still the same.”

“What do you mean?”

I turned in my seat towards him and uncrossed my arms. He retracted his hand quickly, almost as if I would bite it. Smart move because I was angry.

I gestured towards him. “This. You. You’re still the same. You’re a different guy when it’s just you and me but you’re the biggest jerk around your friends. You’ll let them hurt me. You’ll hurt me yourself, as long as you don’t appear ‘weak’ in their eyes.”

His mouth dropped open. “That’s not true, Bells. I fought Paul for you that day! Do you remember how much bigger than me he was back then? I got fucking pummeled for you! Not to mention the beating I took when Paul and his friends caught up with me later on! Jesus!”

My eyes widened. “Wait, what?”

He glared over at me. “Ah, you didn’t know about that part, did you? Of course not. It’s not like you were fucking around for it,” he said bitterly as he turned to stare out the windshield. I could see his jaw clench and it made me wonder, what did he mean by that comment?

“He went after you after I had left?”

“Yep,” he bit out.

“But….why? I was gone.”

His jaw tightened further and he shrugged dismissively. “Didn’t matter. I was the one who took a swing at him. He had a message to send and him and his friends made sure I received it.”

I watched him sadly. I had no idea he had taken another beating, this one sounding so much worse, on my account. I felt terrible. All of my anger at him quickly dissipated with this new knowledge and was replaced with compassion and the desire to comfort him in return for what he had done for me. It also made my hatred for Paul burn brighter. What I wouldn’t give to have him in front of me right now so I could hit him for doing that to Jake.

I was afraid to ask but I had to. “How bad?”

He chuckled darkly. “Let’s just say that I had a nice little vay-kay from school and the doc had to make house calls for a little while.”

I winced. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and lifted a hand to his hair, stroking it soothingly at the back of his head. I hated that he had gotten hurt worse than when he had that day that he had protected me.

His eyes drifted shut and he shrugged slowly. “Shit happens. But it’s over now. Paul and I are past it. That’s all that matters.”

I laid my head against his upper arm and grabbed one of his hands, intertwining our fingers. I brushed my thumb over the top of his hand in gentle strokes.

I didn’t know how much time had passed when he whispered to my hair, “And for the record, I am sorry I pushed you that day. And for being mean to you. I felt really bad about that. Especially, when you left.”

“It’s okay,” I whispered.

I heard him let out a deep breath. “No, it wasn’t. It was fucked up. I figured that was why, you know. For the longest time. Even though we had left on good terms I thought, that we were starting to become friends even; I figured you were angry with me for that. And that was why you didn’t end up coming back,” he murmured.

My head snapped up and I stared into his eyes, confused. “Jake, I didn’t come back because my mom refused to let me go up there for the summers anymore.”

He blinked. “Why?”

I rolled my eyes and laid my head back down. “Well, I ended up going back home a few days later,” I winced again, remembering back to how Renee had flipped when Charlie had told her what had occurred that day. She would not calm down even when Charlie had me jump on the phone to tell her I was alright. She had yelled, cried and threatened to come up to Forks to collect me herself. Only by my pleadings to stay with my dad longer, did she finally relax and then asked to speak to Charlie again. I didn’t have the heart to tell Jake just how she had come to the conclusion that I was no longer allowed in Forks or the promise I had to give her before getting on the plane at sixteen: that I would not go into La Push at all unless my dad was with me at all times. Somehow, hearing how sad Jake had just sounded when talking about me not coming back, I knew that knowledge would only make him feel worse, even though it wasn’t his fault.

“My mom said something to Charlie about how it was too gloomy up there and he was working all the time and that it would be better if he came down to Phoenix or if we met in California for a couple of weeks and did fun things. So, Charlie chose sunny California and that was it. I still really don’t understand it completely to this day and I don’t think he was that happy about it either but we both did it to make her happy. I think Charlie just wanted to make sure he still saw me so he did whatever it took and didn’t put up much of a fight.” I shrugged. “But that’s why I never came back.”

He pressed his lips to my hairline in thought. “But….you did come back. When you were in high school.”

So, he had known I had come back eventually.

“My mom got remarried and the guy was a baseball player. He needed to travel and she wanted to go with him so rather than make her stay home with me all the time, I went to live with Charlie my junior and senior year.”

He snorted. “Right down the road practically.” He then picked up our hands and studied them. “Why didn’t you come and see me?”

If it wasn’t such a serious conversation, I would have laughed. He sounded hurt, almost like a five year old pouting that didn’t get their way.

I turned my face up to him and he met my gaze. “Jake, when I came back, our dads weren’t talking for whatever reason, I hadn’t seen you in almost ten years and you were very…. _busy_. What was I supposed to do? Show up on your doorstep and say ‘oh hey, remember when I was about yay tall and we played video games that one day?’”

“I would have liked to have seen you,” he whispered.

That statement took me a bit off guard in conjunction with the way he was looking at me right then. I wasn’t exactly sure what that expression was but it definitely had me blushing and biting my lip, which his eyes immediately dropped to.

I cleared my throat quietly, trying to recover. “Yeah, well, I was down the road from you, too. Two way street, you know. You could have come to see me.”

He frowned and brought his eyes back to mine. “I thought you were mad at me, Bells. I thought you hated me. I wasn’t exactly sure that I could approach you. And if I remember correctly, you were a bit _busy_ yourself at the time.”

I lifted my head off of his arm. “How did you—“

He smirked. “Word gets around, Bells, and not just to you.” He then turned to look out the windshield again.

I was shocked. Edward and I weren’t really that big news. Were we? I know we were the new kids for a bit but we weren’t really gossip-worthy until prom night and even a few months later, when Seth caught Edward kissing another guy named Jasper and in pure jealousy, told everyone about what he had found, effectively outing Edward. But other than that, I didn’t think we were talked about that much. But, like Jake said, word gets around, so it would only make sense that he would hear about me at some point if I heard about him. Forks was a small town and La Push was just as small. There were _no_ secrets.

I sighed and dropped his hand, hugging him tightly with both arms, and put my head back on his arm, closing my eyes. “I never hated you, Jake, and I was never mad at you. I’m sorry you thought that.”

I felt a kiss placed to the top of my head and I smiled. He started to rub my back.

“Like I said, honey, we have a lot to catch up on,” he whispered.

I nodded and let out a little sigh of contentment.

“But not tonight,” he murmured into my hair. “It’s getting pretty late and you should head inside where it’s warm.”

I didn’t say anything and after a minute, he kissed my head again. “Come on. I’ll walk you to the door.” He then opened his door and got out. The freezing air hit me and I shivered. I grabbed my bag and stepped out. My teeth were chattering by the time I closed the door. What had I been thinking, wearing this dress and this rinky dink sweater? Why hadn’t this bothered me on the drive to the party?

_Probably because you were nervous and embarrassed about why you were going to talk to him, so much that your palms started to sweat._

Oh yeah.

And after the party, for those few minutes, Jake had kept me warm. _Very_ warm.

I turned around and Jake was already there. He took my hand and we headed towards the building. I looked at him and I realized for the first time that he didn’t have a jacket. He was still wearing the same shirt as before. “A-A-Aren’t you c-c-cold?”

“Nah. I usually run pretty warm. This doesn’t bother me. I’ve been in way worse.”

We made it to the entrance and it took everything I had not to run immediately into the welcoming warmth and turn to Jake. He handed me the keys and then pulled me in, kissing my forehead. “I’ll see you soon, Bells. Get some sleep and maybe we can talk tomorrow.”

He turned to leave and my hand shot out, grabbing his. “W-Where are you g-g-going?”

He looked back at me. “I’m gonna start walking and call a cab.”

“Y-Y-Your friends c-c-can’t pick you up-p-p?”

He shook his head. “They’ve been drinking most of the night and our DD, Embry, well, he’s probably had a few by now, too. It’s not worth risking it.” I frowned and he smiled reassuringly. “I’ll be okay, Bells. I got my phone and the cab’ll be here in a few.”

“B-But’s it’s really c-cold.”

“I know. That’s why you need to get inside.” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me. “I’ll be fine, honey,” he whispered into my ear.

Tonight had been one of the weirdest of my life so far. And I hoped to God I wouldn’t regret this. But….I couldn’t just let him go wait somewhere for a cab that might take forever in this kind of cold, no matter how unbothered by it he said he was.

I moved back and shook my head. I then grabbed his hand and led him into the building. He followed me without a word.

It was just my luck that there was one campus security guard sitting inside the entrance. Jessica’s father was able to get her and I into Stevens Court which allowed students rooms that were built like small apartments, which also meant more freedom than your typical dorm. I knew what we were allowed and not allowed to do but leave it to me to get the one guy pissed at being stationed at 3am on a Friday on a cold night like this when the rest of the campus was on a holiday break.

He automatically stopped us and to be a real jerk, asked us who we were and to see identification. I rolled my eyes internally but did as he asked. Jake pulled out his wallet and did the same. Then, to bust my chops even more, the guard started to question me. He asked me if it was a temporary visit or an overnight stay. I thought about that and decided to cover all bases by saying overnight. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jake’s gaze turn in my direction but he didn’t say anything.

The guard questioned me for a few more minutes, asking if this was Jake’s first night over, did I have my roommate’s permission, did I understand all of the rules involving guests, did I explain that to my guest, had I maxed out my visitations? I blushed on the last one. I had no idea why; the answer was simple. No. But the implication and the combined embarrassment from being questioned like a suspect in my building at this late hour in front of my ‘’guest’’ had my cheeks pretty hot. I answered them all as respectfully as I could and finally, he let us go. I took note of his nametag before we walked away just in case, so I could avoid him next time if possible.

I took Jake’s hand again and led him to the elevators. While we waited, I didn’t look at him, almost afraid to see what implication he was taking my labeling him as an overnight visit as.

As we rode up to my floor, I leaned back against the rail. Jake did the same next to me.

“Sorry about that. That doesn’t usually happen.”

He turned a smile on me. “What, the security guard or your overnight stays?”

I blushed and looked away from him. “The guard.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, he was pretty intense there for a second.”

“Tell me about it,” I muttered.

The familiar ding sounded and the car came to a stop. When the doors opened, I took his hand again and led him down the hall. When we got to my door, I quickly unlocked it and stepped through first. Once he was inside, I flipped the light switch and shut the door, locking it. I stood next to Jake as he glanced around.

“Wow. It’s almost like a little apartment.”

I smiled. “Yeah, it’s great. It’s home until the summer, anyway.”

His head snapped towards me. “You’re going back to Forks for the summer?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, I was planning on it.”

“What about now? Are you going back for Christmas?”

I blushed and walked away towards my room. “Um, no.”

I switched on my light and threw my sweater over my desk chair and walked to the closet, kicking off my shoes. I then threw my bag on the bed and walked over to the bedside table, removing the bracelet from my right arm and placing it on the wooden surface.

I turned to see Jake standing in the doorway, his eyes following my every move. He then looked around. "This is your room, huh? Nice." I watched as he adorably lifted his hand to his head, scratching right above his left temple as he laughed nervously. “Um….I’m not sure why you have me up here, Bells.” He then dropped his hand and placed both arms against the door frame outside as he leaned in, quietly tapping against the wood, looking uncertainly at me. After a minute, he stopped. “Did you….want to….?”

I bit my lip and blushed, casting my eyes down. “Um….I wasn’t….” I lifted my eyes to his, hoping he would just understand.

His face dropped. “You mean….just tonight or….ever?” He breathed out.

I bit my lip harder. “Um….now….I guess….”

“Oh,” he let out in a relieved breath. I studied him as he glanced around the room. I would have never expected him to act all shy and uncertain, almost nervous. Where was the experienced player, the bad boy? “Um, why did you bring me up here then?” His eyes met mine and again, that nervous laugh came out as he waited for my answer.

Sex was the last thing on my mind. The mood for me was gone, killed off effectively by his moronic friends but I was surprised that he wasn’t trying anything, smooth-like, at least once. It just seemed….against his nature almost, against the person I’d seen him portray earlier tonight.

I turned to the bed and opened my bag, pulling out the contents. “It was too cold for you to be out there. I was thinking you could wait in here where it’s warm.”

“Oh. Oh, the cab. Right. You’re right. It is a lot warmer. I’m gonna go make the call quick and I’ll be right back. Thanks.”

He turned to leave and I smiled, shaking my head, staring into my bag as I worked to get a stray dollar out of the bottom. If this was an act of his, I was going to smother him and get Jess to help me hide the body. “Jake.”

He stopped and turned back to face me. “Yeah?”

“You don’t need to call a cab. You’re already an overnight stay, so just….stay here.” I finally picked the dollar out and walked to the closet, not looking at him, and promptly threw the bag into it before shutting the door.

“Are you sure?” He whispered to me.

I walked over to him until he was forced to meet my gaze. I studied him for a minute. Was I sure? Any other guy, no. But, looking into Jake’s eyes, I knew the answer already. Yes, I was sure.

I nodded, biting my lip. “But only if I get to do one thing first.”

“And what’s that?” He whispered again.

I closed the distance between us and circled my arms around his neck, leaning up as far as I could on my toes. His arms slowly wrapped around my lower back. I stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry that you were hurt and I didn’t know.”

I willed him to understand me, to hear me, and he swallowed loudly. “I’m sorry, too.”

We were both sorry that this was how we had crossed each other’s paths again. Sorry that we both hadn’t thought to meet again while we had been within driving distance of each other. And sorry that, no matter what, nothing would change. Jake was who he was and me, well, I’d have to push aside whatever this weird thing was that I was experiencing with him. Because even if I decided to back out of the arrangement, knowing he would respect it and let me go, he would still continue to be J, the bad boy who I had gone to meet tonight. My Jake, as I was quickly learning to discern the difference, the Jake I had met so long ago and who was with me when there weren’t any prying eyes around, would continue to go along for the ride that J took him on. And I would only get hurt, far worse than I ever had. How I knew that, I had no clue, but I needed to make a decision here and now. Would I get what I had gone to him for or would I let him go? There was no in between, no middle ground here.

And after a minute, I made it.

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. Before he could kiss me back, I pulled away and settled back on my feet. I picked up his right hand from around my waist and led it to the zipper on my dress. I then lifted my arms and untied the tie around my neck, letting both pieces of fabric fall. I then clasped my arms back around his neck.

“Bells, I thought—“

I stared up at his unsure expression. “Just kiss me,” I whispered.

He studied me, obviously looking for any signs of uncertainty on my part. When he didn’t find any, he then leaned down and took my lips in the sweetest kiss he’d given me all night. But, as it always happened with us it seemed, the kiss turned more fevered, more passionate, and within seconds, my zipper had been lowered and the dress was now pooled at my feet. I had broken away, panting, to concentrate on unbuttoning Jake’s shirt. He was placing open-mouthed kisses to my cheek, in front of my ear, down to my neck as I worked.

“What about you wanting it to be special?” Jake breathed into my ear.

I manipulated the last button out its hole and with both hands, peeled his shirt off of his shoulders. I then grazed my nails down his smooth chest gently. When I reached his abs, I scratched a little harder, marveling at the contractions underneath my fingertips. “I don’t need soft music or candles or rose petals on the bed.” I then looked up at him through my lashes. “I just need you,” I whispered.

The next thing I knew, he was kissing me again and his hands were grasping the skin of my lower back roughly. They slowly descended down to my backside. He squeezed and I moaned into his mouth.

The next thing I knew, his pocket was blasting some song that I knew but at that moment, couldn’t recognize. I figured he’d ignore it but when he froze, his eyes popping open to stare at me, I knew I was wrong. I pulled back, smiling. “Let it go to voicemail,” I whispered, before I leaned in and kissed his jawline.

He surprised me by moving his head away and then releasing me. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the loud phone. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking at me sadly. “But I have to take this.”

I nodded and he surprised me again by turning to leave. He opened the phone and held it to his ear. “One second,” he ordered and then picked up his discarded shirt, leaving the room. A minute later, I heard the front door close.

I stood there in shock. I had just offered myself to him and he had taken a phone call? I blinked.

_Get a grip, Bella. Maybe it was important. It’s not like anyone just calls someone after 3 in the morning without a good reason._

But then why did he take it outside? He hadn’t sounded worried when speaking to the person on the other line, more annoyed. And why did he seem sad when telling me he needed to take it? I shook my head, willing my mind clear of all thoughts. No. I would not allow any of those things to flit through my mind. No thoughts, no thinking period.

I sighed and decided a shower was in order. I didn’t know how long Jake would be and once again, the mood had been killed for me. My confidence was gone and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get it back to go through with this, even if Jake walked right back in the door. I ran my hand through my hair and groaned in frustration before I grabbed a towel and pajamas out of my dresser and headed to the bathroom.

Close to fifteen minutes later, after a slightly chilly and then hot shower, I was ready for bed and was making my way back to my bedroom. The apartment looked empty so I assumed Jake was back in my room. But when I went in there to find it empty as well, I began to wonder.

“Jake?” I called out.

Nothing.

I went to the front door and checked the hall, thinking maybe he was still on the phone.

Still no Jake.

I frowned and went back into the apartment. Where had he gone? Downstairs? No, not with that guard at the entrance. I checked the counter and sure enough my keys were still there. I checked Jess’ room just in case but the room was dark and empty.

I started to get nervous. Had he just….left? Without a word? I hadn’t locked the bathroom door when I went in. Just in case he had needed to ask me something.

I felt hot tears burning the corners of my eyes. Was I really so horrible that he didn’t want me? That he couldn’t even stay with me? One night? Not even a night, a few hours, until the sun was up?

I knew he was a player so I knew not to expect anything but to not even make an excuse or tell me to forget it and that he never wanted to see me again or anything after I had brought him here? That was just cruel.

A couple of tears escaped and I wiped them quickly before turning the lights out and locking the door. I then went into my room, getting ready to climb into my bed when I saw it.

My phone was on my nightstand and the message light was blinking. I bit my thumbnail as I slowly made my way to it. I flipped it open and sure enough, I had a new text message from Jake.

**_Had 2 run. Friend in trouble. Got cab. Call u tw. Nite._ **

I stared at the words. While I hoped his friend was okay, I was furious at the short message. It was completely standoffish and uncaring. Would it really have killed him to run back in and take a second to open the bathroom door and tell me before he took off? Nothing short of what I should expect from Jake Black.

_Maybe his friend was in serious trouble and he had to run, as he’d said._

Yeah, maybe. But that still didn’t explain the shortness of the message and the fact that it was a text message and not a voicemail or a written note on my counter. It honestly sounded like I had just been blown off. But I forced myself to realize that wasn’t the case. If Jake had to leave quickly, he must have had a good reason to, like his friend being in trouble.

I sighed heavily and placed my phone back on my nightstand. I went to shut the bedside lamp off when I stopped, seeing the knob of the drawer. I slowly opened it and immediately saw what I was looking for. I picked it up, still feeling the smooth texture against my fingers after all of this time. I marveled at the intricate detail and thought back to when I had first gotten it. I closed my eyes and let my brain go down that path.

What if I hadn’t met Edward? What if my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I had gone to see Jake again? Would he still be this womanizing closed off person he was now? Or would he be different? He had made it sound like he was waiting for me but in the beginning of my junior year, his reputation had already grown quite large. What if I had sought him out regardless? Would he have stopped sleeping with all of those girls and focused on getting to know me? Or would he have broken my heart inside of a month because he couldn’t keep it in his pants and refused to try? I didn’t even know when he had moved up here. I just remembered coming here back in August and after Jess and Rose had ingratiated themselves, the stories of Jake Black, his gang and the infamous parties were abound. Once again, I had arrived and his reputation was already solidified. So, why would I ever think that had we met earlier that maybe, just maybe, things could have been different?

I shook my head, opening my eyes, focusing on the object in my hand. That was a dangerous thought and I wouldn’t go anywhere near it. I didn’t really know Jake. Was I attracted to him? Yes. Did I want him to ‘pop my cherry’ as one of Jake’s friends had so crudely called it? Yes. Was I in love with him? No. Did I want more from him?

No.

I had to face facts that Jake was your basic breed of manwhore and that wasn’t changing anytime soon. He basically told me as much and I would be smart to listen. He enjoyed it immensely and he wanted to keep that freedom. I would be too much of a fool to believe for one second that I could make a difference or that I would be just a tiny bit more special than the rest because we had met for a minute when we were kids. And after my experiences with Edward and Colin, I was no fool.

I trailed the wood with my fingertips once more before lowering my hand to put it back in its hiding place. I then quietly closed the drawer and switched the lamp off. I crawled into bed and laid on my side.

Jake Black. Jake. J. Jacob Black, Billy Black’s son, Rachel and Rebecca Black’s brother. Jacob Black from La Push. Jacob Black from that one moment of my childhood. _What on earth are you doing to me?_

_And what on earth am I doing to myself?_


	4. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

I was doing my absolute best to keep my mind busy. Ever since I had woken up, thoughts were racing inside my head.

What had happened with Jake last night? Where was he now? Home sleeping? Was his friend okay? Had there really been a friend in need? Why hadn’t he called me yet? Or even texted me again? Why was this bothering me so much?

At that point, I had decided the apartment needed a good cleaning, something I could get done in Jess’ absence.

I was on my fourth circuit around the place, rearranging the stack of papers and books on the coffee table for the eighth time, when my cell phone rang.

Seconds before, I had been berating myself for worrying so much and instilled a reminder in my brain that acting like this could put the arrangement I had set up in jeopardy. If Jake knew I was overthinking things this much, no doubt he’d call it off and refuse to come near me ever again. So, I had forced myself to take a deep breath and let indifference wash over me.

That all went out the window when I shamelessly dove for the ringing phone.

I didn’t even glance at the screen, I just snapped it open and pressed it to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked breathlessly.

“Bella,” Rose answered.

I tried not to ignore the sting of disappointment I felt but failed. This much caring about Jake calling me like he said he would or not could not be a good thing. I was seriously starting to wonder if I should consider dissolving our agreement. Because if I didn’t, he surely would. I was dangerously coming close to breaking rule #1. This was not a relationship and there could be no expectations on either side that bore a striking resemblance to one.

“So, tell me, just when you were planning on calling me and telling me all about your roll in the hay with the sexy animal?”

I winced. Great.

“Um….sexy animal?” I tried to be evasive, hoping beyond hope Rose would just let it drop. But this was Rose and there was no way this subject was being dropped.

“The one sexy Jake Black, otherwise known as J, otherwise known as the sex god of Seattle. Jeez, Bella, did all the hot kinky sex go to your head and your brain has collapsed?”

I rolled my eyes and sunk onto my bed. “We didn’t do it, Rose.” I figured I might as well come clean now.

“Wait, what? But Jess told me—“

“Well, that’s what you get for listening to Jessica,” I snapped. Memories of the night before assaulted me and I winced when Jessica’s little slip replayed itself. I regretted being so harsh with Rose instantly and sighed. “Sorry, I’m just….kind of having a bad day.”

She chuckled. “I can imagine. All that hype and nervousness about last night and you didn’t even get the goods. Oh, Bella. What happened, sweetie?”

I sighed again and then proceeded to tell her everything that had occurred. I knew that if anyone were to give me an honest opinion and the right advice coming from all of her experience, especially with Jake himself, it would be Rose. I loved Jess and Angela but Jess had proven that she couldn’t be trusted, at least under the influence, and Angela didn’t have the experience.

When I had finished, I had taken a deep breath.

“Huh.”

I ground my teeth together. “Huh? That’s all you have to say? Huh?”

“Oh, relax, Bella. I’m just thinking. Don’t lose what little mind you have left.”

I sighed angrily into the phone.

“Well, first off, my number one question is: what the hell happened?”

I froze. “What happene—Rose, I just got done telling you what happened.”

“No, no, no. I’m talking about you. What the hell happened there?”

I did a double take and stared at the phone with a funny expression before lifting it back to my ear. “What do you mean _me_?” I demanded.

This time, Rose sighed with a fair amount of what sounded like impatience, like she was dealing with a small child. That just angered me further.

“Bella, you went there to have sex. You got the man to go up with you, into a bedroom, alone, to talk. What more did you need to make it happen? The Jake I know would have been all over you as soon as the door shut. I doubt you would have even made it to the bed.”

I scoffed, highly offended. Why on earth was she making this sound like it was my fault? In all the replays I had done this morning in my head upon waking, it had _never_ been _my_ fault as to why I had not reached my goal last night. I had thrown myself at the man twice. I had even attacked him for a minute there, clearly showing him how much I wanted it to happen between us. What more was I supposed to do?

“I don’t know,” I blurted out. “We talked about….what I wanted and he….agreed and then he started to….” I blushed, feeling slightly uncomfortable, not knowing how to describe it even though she had given me so much more detail when sharing the stories of her escapades with me. “Make….a move on me and I let him and then we kissed and—“

“Whoa, whoa, wait, you guys kissed?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “Yes….”

“Okay, did you kiss him or did he kiss you?” Okay, I hadn’t quite told Rose everything. I gave her a quick overview and I might have forgotten to mention that Jake and I knew each other in a way. I wasn’t ready to hear how she felt about that when I didn’t even know how I felt about it myself.

I wasn’t exactly sure why Jake and I kissing was an issue. “Both.”

“No, no. I mean, when you first kissed, did you kiss him? Or did he move in and kiss you?”

“Rose, why is this even an iss—“

“Answer the question,” she commanded.

I huffed. “He kissed me. Sheesh. There, you happy?”

“Huh.” I rolled my eyes again and crossed my arms.

“But I asked him to. So, I guess that actually makes it me that started it.”

“It doesn’t matter, I guess. I was just curious.” I knew Rose too well; I could hear the evasiveness in her tone.

“Rose….”

“Please, Bella. It’s not a big deal; nothing for you to worry your pretty little head over. I was just asking.”

“Rosalie Hale, you forget how well I know you.”

Rose sighed on the other end. She knew I had her. “Well?” I refused to let up until she told me.

“It’s just that, from what I’ve—“

She was cut off by a very loud knock at the door.

I bit my lip, debating between the door and the phone.

The knocking came again. “Aren’t you going to get that?” Rose questioned.

“Um, yeah, I guess so.” I got to my feet and headed for the door.

“You do that and tell whoever it is to go away. We still need to talk about everything.” I rolled my eyes for what felt like the fifth time during our conversation.

“Okay, just a minute.”

Before I could get to the door, there was another knock, but this time it was a pounding on the door.

“Just a second,” I called. Damn, Jess must have forgotten her keys yet again. I swear, one of these days, I would have to attach them to her arm. “One second, Rose,” I spoke into the phone.

I opened the door and there before me, leaning sexily against the door frame, was the very man we had been discussing, dressed in a dark t-shirt and jeans, smirking at me. My jaw dropped.

He regarded me with those dark eyes of his. “Hey,” he greeted me quietly.

It took all I had to formulate a semblance of a response and push down the huge flow of relief I felt at seeing him at the same time. “H-Hey,” I stuttered back.

“Can I come in?” He asked me huskily.

I stood there, frozen for a second, until his eyebrows arched questioningly. I swallowed and nodded, opening the door more so he could walk in.

He smirked wider. “Thanks.” And then he moved past me and strode right into the living room. I slowly closed the door, trying to get my heart to slow down. Why did it react this way around him? I didn’t get it. Maybe it was because of the whole sex thing and I was nervous. From that smirk he had given me, the way his eyes drank me in, getting darker, it was very clear what he was here for.

“Bella?!!? Hello?!!? Did you forget I’m still here?”

I put the phone back up to my ear, placing my hand on my forehead. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, Rose. I blanked out for a second.”

“Did you send whoever it was away like I said?”

“Um, no.” I shook my head, trying to gain back some clarity before I went in to face him.

“What? Bella, I specifically said we need to talk about—“

“It’s him,” I hissed in a whisper.

“What?”

“It’s him,” I repeated even more quietly. “I, uh….I have to go and talk to him. Can I call you back later?”

“Oh….okay, yeah. Give me a call when he leaves.”

“Okay.” I nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. “Talk to you then.” I closed the phone and braced myself against the counter, taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart.

Once I felt I was composed enough to face him, I squared my shoulders back and walked into the living room.

He was in front of the one collage frame of pictures Jess had been okay with me hanging up, studying them. He glanced at me when I came into the room and then turned back to the one picture his eyes were intent on. He gestured towards it. “Is this him?”

My eyebrows knitted together. “Him?”

He smirked over at me. “The boyfriend.”

I was thoroughly confused. What on earth was he talking about? I stood next to him and stared at the picture he had pointed out. It was from when I was back in high school and Edward and I had been dating. Being that Edward was now one of my best friends, of course I still had pictures of us together that I cherished. Needless to say, there were no pictures of Colin and I still around.

I smiled. “That’s Edward. He was my boyfriend. At the time.”

Jake’s gaze turned on me then, making me slightly uncomfortable with the intensity now staring back at me. “Was?”

I nodded. “Yeah. We broke up before graduation.”

He leaned his shoulder up against the wall, next to the frame, facing me. “So, you guys broke up back before the summer and you still have his picture up?” He arched a brow at me.

“It’s not like that.” I bit my lip, focusing back on the picture. “He’s my best friend.”

“I thought Jess and Blondie were your best friends.”

I adjusted the frame since it was slightly crooked. “They are but so is Edward.”

He chuckled and I glanced over at him, narrowing my eyes in disapproval. “So, you guys broke up and you’re still _friends_? How does that one work?”

My face flushed and I placed my attention back on the frame. “It just does. Speaking of friends, how is yours doing?”

When he didn’t answer right away, I looked over at him to find him watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. He shrugged and walked away. “Doing okay, I guess. Had a little too much to drink, called me and I had to go and pick their ass up, bring ‘em back home. I’m sure they’ve got a nice little hangover right about now.” He chuckled again and sat down on the couch.

I bit my lip harder and once again, focused on the frame, crossing my arms and making sure everything was perfect with it. I tried to dismiss the one nagging thought on a loop running in my head. Had he been telling the truth? Sounded like it but still, it also sounded a bit like Rose had before, with the evasiveness.

“Bells,” I jumped and spun around, completely forgetting that he was there; I had been so lost in my thoughts. He was smirking at me again.

“C’mere.” He patted the cushion next to him.

I walked around the other side of the coffee table and gingerly took the proffered seat, a little further away from where he had indicated. His eyes were on me the whole time and when he saw that I kept my distance, his smirk only grew bigger. He rested his arms out over the back of the couch, covering his whole side as he turned slightly in his seat to face me. I stayed in the same position, facing the coffee table with my legs crossed, mirroring my arms.

“Mad at me, Bells?”

I shook my head though I refused to look at him. If I hadn’t known he had already been smiling, I would have heard it in his voice.

He chuckled deeply; I was clearly amusing him. “Yeah, you are.”

I shook my head again, this time glaring at him. “No, I’m not,” I said as quietly as I could.

I had been right before; looking at him was a mistake. His grin was so wide I was sure it must’ve hurt. “You’re not?”

“Nope.” And then I turned my head to stare at the wall, above the TV.

“Get over here then.” I was immediately lifted up in big strong arms and deposited into his lap. I scowled at him and he just laughed. Before I could do anything else, he leaned in, brushing my hair behind my ear, and started kissing the spot below it. “I missed this,” he let out in a husky whisper.

Underneath his lips, I could feel my body start to come to life. Just like that. Like a switch had been flipped. The tingles flashed through my body like lightning bolts and I quickly found myself tilting my head an inch so he could get better access to my skin. His left hand was stationary on my left thigh but the other was driving me nuts. His right hand was underneath the hem of my tank top, stroking my stomach, creating a myriad of feelings within me that, in conjunction with the way he was kissing me, was forcing something to begin building. It was almost as if I had been a dead log in a fire pit and now that he had somehow sparked a glowing ember, that ember was now beginning to brighten more and more with each brush of his lips and each pass of his fingertips on my skin. If he did anything else with his other hand, I might just combust.

I tilted my head more and as a reward, he nipped at the flesh of my neck, making me gasp quietly. I grabbed his hand and urged it to move underneath mine to rub the top of my thigh. He no longer had a choice.

His hand broke away from mine to lower my tank top and bra straps down my left shoulder so he could lick and bite at it. He kissed a trail back up to my ear. “You’re so reactive to me, Bells. I like that,” he breathed into it.

My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. His voice was much deeper than before, dripping with lust. I immediately dubbed it his “sex voice”.

I reached a hand back to grab him and pull him to me. He obliged and kissed me just the way I was hoping he would. His fingers moved from my stomach to my side, still under the fabric, and slowly began to rub. I was a bit disappointed that he hadn’t moved lower like I wanted him to and then I was shocked that I had actually wanted him to.

My thoughts were interrupted by his tongue plunging deep into my mouth. His fingers had slipped past the waistline of my jeans and began to knead the skin of my hip. I hadn’t even realized that I had thrust my hips forward, trying to maneuver his hand to where I wanted him to be.

He broke the kiss, chuckling, and laid his forehead against the side of my head as I gulped for air. “You seem frustrated, Bells. Is there something you wanted?”

I laid my head back and glowered up at him. I lifted my hips slightly so he would get the message. He just grinned back at me. I lifted my hips again, letting out the tiniest whimper. He still didn’t do anything and his grin only got bigger. “I’m sorry, Bells. What was that?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. Did he really expect me to say it? Couldn’t he tell? Wasn’t he the ultra-experienced one here? The sex god as Rose called him? Shouldn’t he be able to tell with just one look into my eyes or something? Isn’t that what all the girls had gone on about?

He leaned in closer until his lips were inches from mine, staring at me the whole time. “I’m not going to do anything unless you tell me _exactly_ what it is you want.” I pouted up at him. Was he serious?

As if he could read my mind, he pulled back and stated, “I’m serious, Bells. I won’t do _anything_ unless you say it.” He watched me, his eyes showing his amusement at my reluctance, as I tried to contemplate how I would do this.

It wasn’t like I didn’t know what he was talking about or what it was that he wanted to hear. I just wasn’t sure I could say something like that out loud. I never had to before, even with Colin….

To make matters worse, Jake moved his hand from my hip to my navel, dipping right below my panty line, and began stroking back and forth teasingly. I could only glare in his direction and he chuckled _again_ at me. He was such a jerk.

I circled my fingers around his wrist, stopping his movement. I stared up at him in thought as he cocked his head at me adorably, still wearing that arrogant smirk of his. Here we were, in my apartment, on a late Saturday morning, about to do some things that would lead up to sex. I was about to lose my virginity to Jake. Could I do this?

I felt the heat of his hand against my skin and it sent shockwaves of warmth radiating throughout my core. Yes. Yes, I could. I was longing for him to take it further. My body needed to be satisfied and I knew he was more than capable of taking care of that need for me.

I decided to just go for it. I licked my lips and then sunk my teeth into my bottom one. His eyes snapped to my movement, obviously distracted, and he licked his own lips. It was now or never.

“Please,” I whispered.

He leaned in closer, his gaze still fixed upon my mouth. “Please what?” He whispered back.

“Touch me,” I breathed out. I lifted my hips again and tried to push his hand down further to emphasize my need for fulfillment of my request. He didn’t let me move his hand, though.

Instead, he pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth before lining his lips up to mine. “Touch you how?”

He was really going to make me spell it out for him. “Jake, please,” I pleaded.

His tongue peeked out and glided along my bottom lip, prompting me to open for him but instead of kissing me like I thought he would, he dug his teeth in and tugged it towards him, making me gasp. He pulled a little more before letting go. “Tell me, Bells. _How_ do you want me to touch you?” He began nipping at my chin. “Do you want my fingers in your pussy? Or my tongue? Do you want to come all over my hand or in my mouth? Or better yet, all over my face as you’re riding me?”

I grimaced. While I knew these words and I knew about some of these….activities, it still shocked me to hear them said aloud and to me by someone like Jake. It’s not as if I hadn’t heard dirty talk before. Between the girls and Colin, I had heard plenty. Colin had actually spoken of these things to me during our time together, even going so far as to beg me to let him ‘eat me out’, but I had always refused. Either we grinded or _I_ was touching _him_. That was it. Colin kept trying to persuade me, though. He tried to talk dirty to me, thinking it would get me hot enough that I would just let him do what he would to me. But, it turned me off more than anything.

It was the exact opposite with Jake. I was more turned on than ever, especially when, during my mind wandering, he had snuck out of my grasp and slipped his hand down beneath my panties. He swiped at my core, feeling the wetness that was beginning to pool there, and moaned, “Oh fuck.” He removed his hand and stuck his index finger into his mouth as I watched. As much as it grossed me out while shocking me at the same time, it also made me hotter for him. I nearly came undone when he groaned appreciatively while sucking it clean and then turned his black eyes on me. “You taste so fucking sweet,” he let out in a harsh breath. He then licked his lips once more and held his face a few inches above mine. “I want more.”

The way he said it sent shivers up my spine, almost as if he was commanding me to feed him more of my essence. In the next second, my panties were completely ruined.

The lust-filled fog I was in was so heavy I had completely forgotten why I had started when he had spoken to me just a minute ago. Words? What words? What words had that beautiful mouth said to me that had offended me so much? The mouth that was now covering mine as his tongue scoured every inch inside, making sure not to miss a single spot? I tasted something new that hadn’t been there before and I was surprised that it didn’t make me cringe. I actually….enjoyed it, knowing that he had tasted that part of me. He was the only one who now knew me in that way.

His hand had lowered back down to my jeans, right above the button. I thought he was going to take them off me, finally giving me what I wanted, but I was wrong. His hand never moved as he kissed me. My patience wore thin with this teasing and my frustration grew. I had had enough.

I unlatched my lips from his, making him frown and release a small growl in contempt. I broke free of his hold and turned around to straddle his waist. I instantly wished I wasn’t wearing jeans, or any other covering that was restricting me. I grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and yanked it upwards, trying to get it off of him. He chuckled breathlessly and helped, ripping it over his head and tossing it to the floor. My hands repeated the action with my tank top. He watched me intently as I let it fall to join his shirt.

“God, Bells, you’re so….”

I didn’t allow his hesitation to say whatever he had been thinking to get in the way of my sudden burst of confidence. Who knew how long it would last? Even though I had been topless in the past, this would be the first time Jake had actually seen me. And I just hoped I was okay enough for him. I knew he had been with women far superior in looks than me and I just hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed. I pushed that thought back down, letting my mind take the backseat and the lust coursing through my veins take the wheel. I reached behind me and undid my clasp quickly. I lowered the straps down my arms and threw my bra into the pile of discarded clothes that was starting to form.

His eyes widened slightly and I studied him as he drank me in. I blushed involuntarily but struggled with the urge to cover myself. After a minute, when he still hadn’t said anything, I stopped fighting it and moved to cover my chest with my arms. I should have known he had had better and I would be nothing more than a disappointment.

He grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands back down. “No. Don’t.” My skin flushed more and I bit my lip, focusing my eyes on the spot next to him. I didn’t want to see any more of his evaluation of me, only to be an obvious letdown for him in the end. I knew I was plain and not what you would call pretty, but I didn’t think my size or the look of my breasts were unfortunate. Colin had never been displeased, or so he had said. But then again, Colin, while having had more than his fair share of experience, didn’t come close to Jake’s, I was sure. Or maybe that was one of the reasons he had decided he was done waiting for me and sought satisfaction elsewhere. Just the thought saddened me.

Warm fingers slowly trailing down through the valley between my breasts forced my attention back to the present. Jake’s hand descended down to my stomach and his eyes were still as wide as they had been before but now his mouth was also hanging open slightly. I could feel the tears building. If I wasn’t what he expected, or wanted, couldn’t he just let me put my shirt back on and be done with it? Did he have to humiliate me more than I already was?

“I knew that blush went further than what I saw last night,” he whispered, with a little awe in his voice.

I froze. What? His eyes rose to mine with a faint smile. But, it dropped when he saw exactly what I didn’t want him to see. “What’s wrong?”

I cleared my throat quietly and lowered my gaze to his chest. “Nothing.”

He placed his left hand underneath my chin and lifted my eyes to his. “Bells,” he said gently. “What’s wrong?”

I studied his eyes. The fire from before was still there; he was still turned on, but they were softer now.

I found my tongue loosening without my consent. “Nothing, I just….” I felt my cheeks get hot and I did my best to avoid his piercing gaze. I sighed and my shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry if I’m not….if you’re disappointed. I know you’ve had better,” I mumbled sadly.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from him in response to that. Was he supposed to agree or play the part and falsely disagree? Or maybe he would say he didn’t care, that boobs were boobs as Colin had once made the mistake of doing, the first time I had let him see me and asked him if I was different compared to the women he had been with before me, meaning better or worse? My shirt hadn’t come off again for a while after that.

Why was I constantly comparing my experience with Jake to my experiences with Colin? I mentally berated myself for being so stupid and for injecting more awkwardness into the situation, yet again.

Why on earth was I allowed out in public during the day? At all, really?

The next thing I knew, Jake had grabbed me and crushed me to him. He was kissing me rather passionately and I couldn’t help but melt against him. My fingers twined in his hair and pulled him closer to me. Much to my dismay, he suddenly broke away and peppered hot kisses along my collar bone and down to the beginning of my cleavage area. “You’re fucking perfect, Bella. Perfect. Don’t ever think you’re anything less to me. You’re beautiful, just beautiful. So much more beautiful than I ever imagined,” he rushed out in between moving his lips over my skin.

I told myself I would dismiss anything he threw my way that was in the shape of a disagreement, knowing his words weren’t genuine, but something about his tone made me brush my lips near his left temple, placing a soft kiss there as I held him to me while he moved. His mouth got lower and lower on my left breast and just when I thought he was going to take the nipple in his mouth, his tongue merely snuck out and circled around the bud, eliciting a gasp from me and making it harder. He then lifted his head up and kissed me, hugging me tight and pressing our bare chests up against one another. The feeling of skin on skin in combination with his warmth made my head spin.

He then stood up, holding me up in his arms as I wrapped my legs around his waist automatically, and walked us to my bedroom. I kept kissing him, pulling on his short strands every now and then. I noticed that when I did that he tended to get a little more aggressive with his tongue and I liked that. It almost felt like he was trying to consume me, not let one little part of me go unclaimed by him.

I heard the door quietly shut behind him and in two seconds, he was laying me down gently on the bed. We worked together to move up towards the headboard, still trying to keep our lips attached to the other’s.

That probably wasn’t our smartest move.

I banged the back of my head hard against the wood and pulled away to vocalize my pain as well as rub the sore spot. “Ouch.”

He laughed and kissed my forehead. “Sorry, honey. I should have been looking where I was going.”

I winced once more at the throbbing and then clasped my arms around his neck. “You mean, where we were going.” And then I roughly pulled him down to me to continue kissing him.

His hands traveled to my breasts and squeezed gently. I moaned into his mouth and he began to massage them. Without me telling it to, my right hand snuck down to the bulge in his jeans and began to rub him through the material. He moved away, breathing harshly, and let out a soft groan. His tongue went to my neck and he licked down to the valley of my breasts. He then blew a light stream of air over the wet path he had made. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth as I watched him.

His tongue continued to trail over to my right breast, circling the nipple as he had done before closing his lips around it and suckling it. I gasped again and arched my back, trying to push more of myself into his hot mouth.

He released me after a minute and repeated his action from earlier, blowing more air onto my skin. My nipple got instantly harder. He did the same to my other breast and I couldn’t help but moan this time. I tried to continue touching him but the feelings coursing through my body wouldn’t let me. This kind of foreplay had never been done to me. He didn’t seem to mind, though. I didn’t hear a complaint out of him; he seemed more focused on me and my reactions.

By the time his tongue reached down to my navel, circling around it, making me squirm, I was more than ready for this to happen. I wanted him. I wanted him badly.

Another stream of cool air hit the wet skin and made my stomach twitch in response. He dipped down and closed his eyes, pressing a soft kiss to the area right above the opening of my jeans. “Perfect,” he whispered.

I grasped his head and slowly lifted it back up to see his eyes opening, looking at me in a silent hope that I wasn’t about to stop him from what he had planned. I kissed him feverishly and pulled him back down with me. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans while his lips were attached to mine and lifted my body up against his to work them down my legs. He pulled away and frowned. “Let me do that.”

I ignored him and peeled them off of me, bunching them and throwing them as far as I could. I didn’t have time to be embarrassed about him seeing me in my panties. He chuckled at my impatience but he suddenly stopped and his eyes darkened as they focused on me. I had cupped him through his jeans and resumed my touches from a few minutes before. He let out a ragged breath and covered my hand with his, making me rub him harder.

I knocked his hand away and opened his jeans. The zipper didn’t work as fast as I wanted it to and I yanked it down. He worked with me, both of us panting, until his jeans were further down his thighs and I had him out and in my hand. I groaned at the sight and his breathing picked up another notch as I lightly ran my fingers down his length. I felt moisture at the tip and slowly spread it around with my thumb.

He sharply inhaled and I noticed his hips jut forward slightly, trying to push more of himself into my grasp. I smiled, still focused on his erection. For all of the times in the past month I had regretted ever meeting Colin, I was now grateful that he had given me some experience. While I wasn’t a master and I knew he had been with much better, more experienced women, I at least was confident in this one thing I could do for him to make him feel good.

Jake truly was huge, much bigger than my wildest dreams. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about trying to fit that thing inside of me. Not only was he big but he was thick. He put poor Colin, Edward and Seth combined to shame.

And then the thought of pain hit. My smile faded as I thought of just how much this was going to hurt, regardless of what Jake did to try to make it easier for me. I stroked him slowly, absentmindedly.

I was brought back to the present situation at hand, no pun intended, when Jake’s hand covered mine, stopping my movements. I glanced up at him worriedly. Had I been doing something wrong?

He smiled at me and then got off the bed.

No. This was not happening _again_! I hadn’t heard his phone ringing. Was it on vibrate in his pocket?

He chuckled, watching me as he lowered his jeans to the floor. He then stepped out of them and climbed back onto the bed, moving over towards me on his knees. “As good as that feels, honey, I’d rather concentrate on you first.” He cupped my face and kissed me.

The kiss was slow and deep, effectively distracting me from my previous train of thought. I was once again gently laid upon my back with him on top of me. He settled in between my legs and I felt his hard member rub up against me on the outside of my panties.

I moaned against his lips and pushed my hips up towards his, seeking more friction.

His hands gripped my underwear tight and I gasped into his mouth when I felt him rip them from me. He moved away to discard the tattered pieces over the edge of the bed. His eyes caught mine and he chuckled. “Sorry.” The smirk he wore proved to me that he was anything but.

In a heartbeat, he was hovering over me once again. “They were in my way.” He winked at me as his hands gently nudged my knees apart. I bit my lip nervously, gazing at him as he saw my body bared to him completely for the first time.

“Beautiful,” he whispered as his fingers brushed down my thigh and brought my right knee to him for a reassuring kiss as he stared at me. “Absolutely beautiful.” He closed his eyes and gave my knee another sensual kiss. Something about that touch made me melt and I wanted to kiss him just as passionately.

But before I could lift up and do so, he opened his eyes, wearing an even more mischievous smirk, and spread my legs further apart with his hands.

I started to breathe faster as I watched him slowly bend down, bringing his face near my core, never once taking his eyes off mine. He licked his lips as he did and my breath hitched. Could I really let him do this?

He placed a soft kiss right above my mound and I jerked at the contact, gasping yet again. His hand laid flat against my stomach and pressed down. He smiled up at me and his other hand stroked my right hip soothingly. “Relax, honey,” he said in a much deeper voice than before. “Let me do this for you. Let me make you feel good.”

He stared up at me, waiting.

My heart was pounding and I could feel myself starting to tremble. I hated that my nerves were getting the best of me. I was the one who wanted this, the one who had started all of this by going to Jake last night. He was only doing exactly what I had hoped he would: take care of me while giving me what I wanted.

I dug my teeth deeper into my bottom lip and gave him a quick nod. He smiled wider and leaned down. I felt his hand glide down my stomach to my thigh. I pressed my lips together and trailed my eyes up to the ceiling above me. I held my breath as I waited for him to touch me.

But instead, he moved up to me and kissed me softly. “You’re shaking, baby,” he whispered against my lips. “You okay?”

I averted my eyes and he cupped my chin, forcing them back to him.

“Hey,” He stroked my cheek gently. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

I couldn’t help but frown. “I want to,” I insisted.

He smirked down at me all too knowingly. “I know you do, but,” He kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger there. “We can slow it down a little,” He then moved down to my right eye and after I closed the lid, his lips brushed there. “If you want,” he whispered.

He lifted back up to look down at me expectantly. Even though I was ready, I _knew_ I was ready in more ways than one, I couldn’t help but relax at the idea. I wanted it but something still had me apprehensive about the situation. It probably would have been better if we had just continued and not stopped. I made a mental note of it.

I studied him as he waited for my answer. Would he not bother with me then? Even if he had been the one to offer it?

I was about to nod when his phone started going off again. His expression darkened and he moved away, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching for his jeans.

I wanted to grab at him, keep him from leaving. I wanted to yank him back into the bed and give him permission to do whatever he wanted with me as long as he wouldn’t walk out again. I didn’t think I could take that kind of rejection a second time. But, I didn’t.

He pulled out his phone, sneered at it and then flipped it open, pushing it to his ear.

“What the fuck do you want?”

I cringed at his acidic tone. Whoever it was he was not happy with.

I saw the muscles in his back tense. “I don’t give a fuck,” he said in a low menacing voice. “I’m not dealing with this fucking bullshit. _Don’t_ call me again,” he threatened and closed the phone. Not a second later, the phone rang again. He sighed angrily and turned it over. He pulled the battery out of the back, stopping it mid ring. He then dropped both pieces to his pants and buried his head in his hands.

I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to say or if I should say something. It wasn’t even my business but I felt a strange urge to comfort him. This big man in front of me was in pain. That was very evident.

I quietly got to my knees and crawled over to him. I lifted my hand to his shoulder but it froze mid-air, uncertain.

I watched his shoulders lift as he took a deep breath and my body made the decision for me.

I pressed a kiss to his right shoulder and hugged it, my hand rubbing his upper arm tenderly, curling up next to him.

He raised his head to look over at me and I gave him the meekest yet encouraging smile I could. He maneuvered his arm out of my hold and my smile dropped. My heart picked up pace when his arm wrapped around me and pulled me into him. He moved me to straddle his waist and kissed me sweetly.

I could feel his erection right beneath me and I wondered what he was planning.

Instead, he tightened his grip on me and crushed me against him, letting out a relieved breath as he burrowed his face into my neck. I wasn’t sure what to do so I just hugged him back.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before he inhaled deeply and pulled away to look at me.

He brushed my hair gently away from my face. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

I blushed under his scrutiny and lowered my eyes to his chest. He cupped my cheek and forced me to look up at him. “I mean it, Bells. You’re just so….”

I blinked, waiting for him to finish this time. He threaded his fingers into my hair and gripped the back of my head. The smirk from before was back. “Perfect.” My eyes widened slightly and he smirked wider. “For me to,” He pulled me closer to him and his warmth breath tickling my lips was making me heady. My eyes drifted halfway shut, waiting for him to kiss me. He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine. He went to say something but then stopped. I opened my eyes when he did and tried to figure out what he was about to say.

My stomach decided to make its very rude presence known then in the form of a loud growl.

I instantly turned red and he laughed. I bit my lip and turned away from him, completely humiliated. Why, oh why, did I not eat breakfast this morning? Oh, right. Because I was too worried about how he and I had left things. Or more so, how _he_ had left things. One quick glance at Jake’s face assured me I would never live this down.

He grinned and cupped my face, kissing me. “Hungry?”

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I glared and he laughed again.

“I’d say so.” He pecked my lips and lifted me, placing me on the bed next to him. He stood up and stretched. I marveled at the beautiful sight before me as well as his erect member proudly standing at attention. “What do you say we get something to eat? I know I wouldn’t mind some pancakes myself.” He scratched his stomach and turned to me. He chuckled when he saw where my eyes were glued.

I burned in embarrassment again but before I could look away, he cupped my chin and leaned down. “Soon, honey. Real soon,” he promised before kissing me once more. He straightened up and smiled down at me. “Now, let’s eat.”


	5. Technology Isn't A Step Forward For Mankind, It's A Cockblock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

My confusion continued to plague me until we parked on the street near the bagel shop that he was taking me to. Worry and constant questions assaulted me as he placed our order, laid his hand on the small of my back and guided me to a small table to sit down.

I couldn't understand for the life of me what had stopped him from having sex with me yet again. Was I that bad at touching him? Was I that undesirable? Granted, I know my body is okay but if I were a guy, I wouldn't exactly be drooling over my small petite frame. I think my best feature, if you can call it my best, is my hair. But, unless he was gonna use it to cover my face during our arrangement, I didn't see what I had to offer, to bring to the table. He brought everything: a killer smile, (very) attractive physique, experience, charisma, everything. What did I have? Nothing. Except a few past handjobs which apparently weren't all that great considering the guy I pleasured them with had to seek out alternative means to "fulfill his needs" as he once so eloquently put it during his defense after our break-up.

All these thoughts were swirling in my head as Jake began small talk.

His back was to most of the female customers, some I knew had to be from campus, and they just seemed to make it all worse. He seemed completely oblivious to their staring and unashamed ogling as he told me about how his friend, Embry, and him were thinking about opening up their own shop. But, I guess, he being who he was, he was probably used to it.

I, however, wasn't.

I didn't miss the way they let their eyes rove over his form as their mouths watered. I also didn't miss their harsh glares and looks of pure hatred they gave me. It caused me some discomfort, to have that much jealousy and dislike directed at me just because of who had bought me breakfast.

I also found it to be unbelievable. These women were ten times more beautiful than I could ever hope to be. I was surprised some of them weren't in Paris somewhere, gliding down a runway for some big time designer. There was one blonde in particular that continued to stare me down. Eventually, I tried to ignore her and contribute a little to the conversation Jake had started.

But, it seemed she would not be ignored, by me or Jake. She walked over, shaking her hips more than I thought necessary, and put an arm around Jake's shoulders and leaned into him.

Jake had stopped mid-sentence and glanced up to find the blonde giving him a sexy smirk.

"Hey, baby. I missed you last night." She purred in a very intimate tone that seemed more appropriate in the bedroom than in a small bagel shop in front of everyone.

First, the blonde last night, now this one; to top it all off, Rosalie was a blonde. Seems Jake had a thing for blondes. Just another strike against me and making me wonder again why he agreed to sex with me if I wasn't his type?

Jake snorted and shook his head, looking back down towards our table. "I didn't know you were looking for me, Luce."

Luce? Another nickname? Great, I'm not the only girl he gave a familiar nickname to. I stopped my thought process in its tracks right there. What was wrong with me? Jake had never disillusioned me to the kind of guy he was or what he was about. I even knew it before I had even talked to him. I had no right to let this bother me. This was strictly a business arrangement, after all. I continued to watch the exchange before me with a cold detachment.

_Luce_ leaned into him more, to the point where her breasts had become one with the side of his head. If Jake turned his head just an inch to the left, he'd be smothered but considering where he'd expire, maybe he would die a happy man. "Of course, I'd be looking for you, Jake."

He smirked and moved his chair to the side, away from her crushing embrace. "Had I known you were, I would have stayed home last night." His dark eyes flickered up to mine and I gave him the tiniest smile I could to let him know it was no big deal that one of his admirers had been throwing herself at him in broad daylight and in front of his current _engagement_.

Luce pouted and I nearly rolled my eyes and snorted myself. This was pathetic. Is this what really turned someone like Jake on? Or at least what she expected would make him get up from the table and follow her out the door like a lovesick puppy (or horn dog)? Pitiful.

"Jake," she whined. "Don't be mean. I've missed you and our...." She smirked over at me when she noticed his attention was on the counter, looking for our order to be ready. " _Times_ together. This time, I did roll my eyes and I refused to care what she thought of me or even Jake at this point. I shook my head slightly and cleared my throat, capturing Jake's attention.

I tried to give him an understanding smile. "I'm gonna go check on our orders. You and your _friend_ should catch up." As I went to stand, I noticed his eyes do a rapid assessment of me and he opened his mouth to protest. "Bells, don't worry about it. I'll get up and--"

Luce smirked triumphantly and plopped herself down onto Jake's lap, taking advantage of his distraction. "We should catch up, Jakey. I have so much to tell you. Let her go get the food. It's not often you and I get time to see each other these days, with me just coming back from my trip to the Bahamas on Daddy's jet."

I bit my tongue to keep myself from laughing and widened my grin to make it the sweetest fake smile I could. "She's right, Jake. I'll take care of the food. You and Luce catch up. Seems like she's dying to see you and when will she have time in between her next shopping trip on her Daddy's credit card and him buying her another car that matches her outfit so she can continue to stalk you? Really, Jake, you should be more considerate," I scolded. Luce turned to glare at me and opened her mouth to retort when I cut her off.

I said in the sweetest voice I could, dripping with honey, "So great to meet you, Luce. We should do this again sometime." I spun on my heel and nearly skipped toward the counter.

Whatever her rebuttal was, I didn't hear. She had gotten what she wanted, Jake. She was the sole focus of his attention now. I asked the cashier at the counter and he said our orders were ready but I asked him to hold them for a couple of minutes while I made a quick call.

Without looking back, I walked outside and turned right, determined to wait out whatever was to come. Either he would get rid of the girl or he would leave with her. There would be no way he would ask her to join us. Not if he expected me to stay.

I won't deny, I was a bit angry, for two major reasons. One, I certainly had better comebacks than that but for some reason, my brain refused to cooperate with my mouth apparently. Secondly, was this a common occurence? I highly doubted Luce was the only girl who would pull such a stunt, whether he had company or not. Why would he bring us to a place that some of his _friends_ could be hanging out at? None of it made any sense.

I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my jeans and flipped it open. In my search of something to do to pass the time, I began to clear out my inbox for my text messages.

As I did this monotonous deletion process repeatedly, a thought popped into my head. Luce's words and actions as well as Jake's had me wondering something. Why, when we decided on this arrangement between us, had he insisted there be rules and it would be a one-time thing? From what Luce was intimating, their _friendship_ didn't sound like a one-time thing. This got me thinking. How many other girls did he state the rules with? He said he did it for every girl but obviously, Luce was the exception to that rule. The seed that had been planted in my brain thanks to the events of the past 24 hours continued to grow at a rapid pace.

Who had really called him last night? Was it the same person that had called him before that had seemed to anger him so greatly? Had it been Luce? No, it couldn't have been. It was obvious he wasn't thrilled to see her but he hadn't spoken to her with that much venom in his voice as he had earlier. Was it someone different? Did he have more than one _friend_? Friends he continued to see past the first time? I was so confused, by everything, so much that my head felt like it would burst.

I forced myself to take a deep breath, hold it and then let it out. The calming effect I had desired had been achieved. I did it again just for good measure.

Jake and I had made an arrangement, one I had initiated. He did not seek me out, I sought him out. He never lied to me or tried to show me anything different as to who he was. I was not naive to his reputation going into this situation. Considering that I had set it up as almost a business arrangement, Jake had every right to state "rules". Just like guidelines for a business deal. He didn't and wasn't doing anything wrong. I was losing myself in a sea of anxiety purely of my own creation.

I had started this plan in motion, it was up to me to see it through. Jake was doing his part, not it was time for me to live up to mine. I needed to either put up or shut up already. Either go through with the deal and keep to the rules he had set up the night before or tell him I had changed my mind and the deal was off and thanks for everything. I needed to make a choice. Before I drove myself even more nuts and possibly took him with me.

"Bells," I heard behind me.

I turned to see Jake walking towards me, a large brown paper bag in his hand. My eyes moved around to behind him, but the annoying blonde I was looking for was nowhere in sight.

He noticed this and moved a fraction of an inch faster towards me.

"Bells, I'm sorry." He reached me and his eyes dropped to my open phone. He looked back up at me questioningly. "Were you planning on leaving?"

I gazed at him for a good minute, thinking about everything. It was now or never. Do I go through with this or do I just call it off and take my bagel and grab a cab back to the dorms?

"Bells?"

I focused in on him more clearly, broken out of my storm of thoughts. "Huh?"

"Were you gonna go somewhere?" He indicated with his eyes towards my phone. I followed the movement and noticed my phone was still open in my hand, a red square in the screen telling me my inbox had no more messages. I snapped out of the haze I had been in and closed my phone quickly.

"Ah, no, no. I was just....waiting for the.....the food to be all set." I put my phone back into my pocket and he watched me carefully. I almost felt like I was his prey and he as the predator, was trying to determine if I'd attempt running or not. It made me a little uncomfortable how intense his gaze was and I smiled a tiny bit and looked down at the bag. "Oh great, you got it. Did you want to go back inside and eat?" My voice went a bit higher than I would have liked at the end of my question, betraying my facade of indifference and glancing up at him, I knew he had noticed, too.

His lips formed into a tight thin line and he shook his head. "No. I'd like to get out of here if that's okay with you."

I smiled wider. "Sure." Again, my voice reached a higher octave. I inwardly winced at my obvious ploy to act like everything was alright.

He nodded once and dug his keys out of his pocket. "Let's head out then." He glanced at me uncertainly for a minute, like he wasn't sure if I would attack him or not when he reached his free hand towards me. When he was convinced he was safe, he curled his fingers around mine and gently tugged until I was allowing him to pull me towards where the car was parked. We passed the bagel shop on the way but I didn't dare test my newfound resolve of being unaffected by Jake's past and present by sneaking a peek inside the open doorway. Instead, I moved closer to him, to allow his large body to shield me partially from the eyes I knew to be burning a hole in the side of my head, by Luce and many of his admirers.

When I was convinced I was covered and we had passed the window with "The Bean and Bagel" sign painted on it, my shoulders relaxed as I let out a small breath. I hadn't realized I was so tense but then again, I wasn't surprised. Everything seemed so surreal to me and I had a hard time making sense of any of it.

Jake must have noticed I relaxed, too, because he intertwined our fingers. I looked up at him and saw him smiling gently at me. I smiled back, for real this time, and I felt him squeeze my hand before we reached the car.

As we got in and Jake placed the bag near my feet on the floor before starting the car, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He pulled out of our spot and once we were situated on the road, he reached for my hand again and rubbed soothing circles on the top with his thumb.

One thought became startingly clear to me. I would go through with this arrangement and I would not allow him to leave until we had done the deed, no matter what happened or where we were. Roses, a bed and soft music be damned. I was going to make sure we followed through on the deal before he left me for the night. My brain couldn't take much more of this.

.......

Jake had pulled into a parking lot at a nearby park and shut the car off. Not a word had been exchanged between us as we sat, quietly eating our breakfast.

I wanted to say something, anything. But I wasn't sure what to say exactly.

Jake almost seemed irritated, aggravated and I couldn't tell if it was at me or him or the situation. The quiet was suffocating and the tension continued to roll off of him. I finished my food and threw my rolled up wrapper back in the bag. I started to put my hair up in a ponytail, just to be able to take care of one thing that was annoying me. At my movement, Jake finally decided to break the silence . "Bells."

I looked over to find him staring at the steering wheel. "Yeah?"

"About what happened back there--"

"Was none of my business," I supplied for him.

His head snapped towards me. "Huh?"

I gave him a small reassuring smile. "Rule number four, remember?"

His brows furrowed. "Rule?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Your _friendships_ are none of my business." I then scrunched my brow as a thought hit me and I drew my eyes towards his hand on the steering wheel, which seemed to be white at the knuckles. "Sorry about what I said and then ditching, though. She made it very clear she wanted some alone time and she was kind of annoying me. You know, Daddy's money and all." I scoffed and shook my head. "I can't stand girls like that. Reminds me of a girl I knew back in high school. She was gorgeous, all the guys wanted her, all the girls wanted to be friends with her, but she was more about the popularity and the looks. Needless to say, she wasn't the nicest person. Especially, when Edward asked me out. She really lost it then. Made my life a living hell my for the next two years. Well, until Edward and I broke up. Then, she seemed to slack off a bit. Said it must've been me, I was so plain and boring and she didn't know what he ever saw in me. She had a few other select things to say, too, but they're hardly worth repeating. Lauren really wasn't known for her conversation, if you know what I mean." A huge grin formed on my face as I relived the memory next. "And then, she started to go after Edward hardcore. Little did she know that he wasn't interested in the girls from. Not until later and that. Was. Epic. I don't think Lauren had ever been so embarrassed. Everyone knew how mad she was about him and how she chased him." I chuckled. "And then she said it must've been me, I turned him gay. I would turn any guy gay, I must have been that bad in the sack, all they had to do was take one look at me and they would swear off women for the rest of their lives, I was that hideous." I shook my head, chuckling even more. "Little did she know Edward and I never quite made it that far."

Once I had stopped laughing, the quiet in the car resumed. It was deafening. I looked up to find Jake watching me. I blushed in embarassment at my ramblings from a few seconds prior.

"S-Sorry, I was rambling. That has absolutely nothing to do with what we were talking about. I'm just being an overtalkative idiot. Sorry."

He bit his lip and stared at me, seemingly in thought, and then leaned over, cupping my face with both hands. He pulled me to him and kissed me. I was a bit surprised at the action but somehow my muddled brain realized what he was doing. I could feel something, something coming from him in this kiss. I wasn't quite sure what it was but there was a sense of urgency to it. I returned the kiss, aiming to soothe, but to soothe exactly what I had no idea.

My right hand slowly worked its way up into his hair and I pulled my fingers through it slowly. I repeated the motion until I felt the tension melt away from him. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine, panting for breath and staring into my eyes.

"You're far from plain or boring, Bella. Far from it. And I promise, I'll show you that very soon," he whispered huskily.

My hands encircled his wrists and I bit my lip. "Why don't you show me now?"

This time, he was the one to chuckle. "Here?"

"Well, you're the one who said my idea of a perfect night was cliche," I teased him.

He shook his head slowly against me. "This car wouldn't be all that comfortable, Bells. Trust me."

I gave him a soft smile and shrugged. "We could make it work." His eyes seemed to darken in front of me and I sunk my teeth into my lip nervously. "Or," I plucked up the courage to move his right hand away from my cheek and down to my breasts. "We could go somewhere else if you want."

He pulled his head away from me to watch the path I made with his hand and its destination. He gently squeezed and the tiniest softest moan escaped past my lips; I hadn't meant to react audibly. His eyes darted to me when he heard the sound and I noticed they were almost completely black.

My breathing picked up a notch and I could feel the butterflies taking nose dives in my stomach.

"I guess we could make do," he said in that gravelly voice that I had come to recognize that oozed pure sex when it came from him.

Before I had a chance to respond, his lips were covering mine. His tongue plundered my mouth and I felt myself trying to return his fervor. Somehow he lifted me up, prompting a small squeak of surprise from me into his mouth, and placed me on his lap, facing him, my back against the steering wheel. He moved and lowered the seat back a bit without breaking our connection. Once his hands were free, they were everywhere. To be fair, so were mine.

The way he was kissing me was driving me insane. Yes, lust played a major part in it but there was some sort of ferocity attached to it, making me feel like if he didn't have me here and now, he'd explode or combust or something. Maybe he didn't feel that way but he was certainly making me feel that way. I wanted him badly.

His hands made short work of the buttons on my flannel shirt and I helped him to pull it off my shoulders and toss it to the floor. I popped the button on his jeans and he did the same to me. I soon felt the clasp of my bra underneath my tank top go the same way. His hands then journeyed to my front, still covered by the fabric and slipped underneath the cups and took both of my breasts in them. He squeezed, he massaged, he pinched and did many other things that made me moan wantonly into his mouth. I felt like I couldn't get any air but if that meant pulling away from him to get some, then it wasn't happening. All I could feel, all I could taste, all I could hear, all I could think about was him. My need for him superseded the need for oxygen. A need that was emphasized with each slow grind of my hips against him. I swear, if I could see myself at this moment, I wouldn't know who this girl was.

He must have thought differently because he soon dislodged himself from me, ignoring my whimper, and instead, lifted the cup of the bra higher and latched onto my left nipple through the tank top. The feel of it was indescribable. He sucked and nipped and twirled his tongue, making me hold him to me so he could continue. Encouraged by my response, he lifted the tank top out of his way and lavished the attention on my bare breast.

"Jake," I whispered in a pleading moan. Pleading, begging almost, but I wasn't sure what I was pleading for. As he continued his ministrations, I leaned down to place my lips near his left ear. "Jake," I breathed before I nipped his lobe. "Please...."

He slowly detached himself and leaned back so he could see me, his chest heaving in and out. "B-Bells?" He gulped for air as he took in my flushed and frenzied state. "Please---what?"

I knew what he wanted and feeling as out of control as I did, I would have given it to him without hesitation. But, I surprised myself and him by whispering "Kiss me" huskily. He stared at me for a minute before fulfilling my wish.

He twined his fingers in my hair and pulled me tighter against him.

I could feel the urgency coming through again but this time it was a different kind. He nipped at my lips, prompting them to open so he could sneak his tongue in. As it touched mine, he took control and turned it into something different than it had been before. It was still full of need, still full of want but something about it and the way he was holding me....

His phone echoed loudly in the car as it started to ring. He pulled back and I shut my eyes, resting my head in the crook of his neck. I groaned loudly and grumbled, "That phone's gotta go," against his heated skin.

He laughed softly and picked it up from the console where it had been left most of our short trip. "Give me a minute, honey."

I whimpered slightly, not wanting to lose him again or the momentum of the moment. "Don't, Jake. Please. Let's continue." I started to suck on his neck, trying to entice him to leave that evil contraption where it was and come back to me.

"It'll only take a second, Bells." Before I could protest further, he picked up the call. "Yeah?" rumble against my ear where I had lain my head against him. "What time are you talking about?"

I let out a sad but small sigh and lifted myself back to a sitting position. Jake had the phone to his other ear and he was watching me. I ignored him and started to right my clothing.

"Okay," he said as his hands came up to grasp my wrists, trying to get me to stop what I was doing. My eyes lifted to his and he shook his head. I shook mine in return. His forehead crinkled in confusion and I moved my hands away and somehow maneuvered myself back into the passenger seat without giving either of us a head injury.

I buttoned up my jeans and reached down to the floor for my shirt. I felt his warm hand on my back, rubbing gentle circles in what I assumed was a placating manner. I ignored him and continued to redress.

I was furious. This is the goddamn third time his phone has interrupted us and killed the mood. This wasn't fair in the least! Why the hell didn't he just let it go to voicemail? Isn't that what it was created for? Progressive technology, my ass. They're cockblockers is what they are, that can play music. Big whoop.

I buttoned up my shirt quickly and blew a loose wayward lock of hair out of my face in my frustration.

"Listen, Em. I gotta go but I'll join you in a bit, okay?"

I rolled my eyes. Great, there he goes again. Will he at least get me back to my dorm this time before he bails or will I have to call a cab? Maybe he can give me the name of the taxi service he used last night before he peels out and leaves me stranded.

"Yeah, kind of weird, but I guess a normal Saturday wouldn't be a bad thing. You bringing someone?"

I bit my lip to keep the tears of anger at bay. So, he was ditching me again.

"Alright, cool. Well, you can count me in. Add one more to the group and I'll pay you back. Yeah." He chuckled which sounded a bit off to me but it was forgotten the second the next words came out of his mouth. "When was the last time I spent a weekend alone? Of course, I'm bringing a date. Come on."

That was it. I ripped the hair tie out of my head angrily and put it back in a ponytail. I dug my phone out of my pocket and connected to the net, looking for the numbers of cab companies in the area. I was not going to be dumped off here and even if he offered to do the gentlemanly thing and drive me home, there was no way I was spending another minute alone with him in this car without killing him first.

I reached for the door handle to get out when his arm encircled my waist and pulled me back towards him. If I was that flexible, I would've bent down and bitten his arm.

"Yeah, listen, Em, I gotta go. I'll see you in about 30, alright? Okay, cool. See you then." I heard his phone snap shut and I crossed my arms in a huff.

As expected, I felt his his warm lips touch my ear. "Sorry, Bells, but I had to answer that one. No reason for us to stop completely. Now, where were we?" He nipped at my neck and I leaned away from him. "Don't you have somewhere to be in half an hour?"

His body went rigid and I could tell that that wasn't the thing for me to say. Oh well, I had had enough. Nowhere in the deal did we state that taking phone calls would happen during said deal and he would leave first chance he got, repeatedly making me feel like shit. I get that I wasn't anywhere near the blonde and maybe my company isn't all that titillating but seriously?

His arm slowly withdrew from my waist and I sat back in my seat, arms still crossed and refusing to look at him. I stared out my window instead.

I heard him sigh and then move around, presumably fixing his jeans and his seat.

Nothing was said for some time until Jake spoke first and said the last thing I expected from him.

"Where is it you think I'm going in half an hour?"

I was so stunned by the question, so stunned that he hadn't yelled at me or apologized, that I turned wide eyes on him. "What?"

He kept his gaze trained on me. "Where is it you think I'm going?"

I scoffed. "How should I know? Wherever you disappear off to whenever you get a better offer, I assume." I knew that was crossing a line somewhere, but I was pissed off and embarassed to boot. His expression didn't change, almost like he expected me to say something along those lines, and I turned back to my window.

"Is that what you think? That I get a better offer and I just ditch you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, wanting this conversation to be over already.

"Bells, look at me."

I ignored him and then I felt his hand grasp my shoulder gently. "Look at me," he pleaded.

I bit my lip and did as he asked.

He cupped my chin with his thumb and moved my eyes up to meet his. "There is no better offer and I'm sorry I somehow made you think that. That's not the case at all. Last night, I had to help a friend, I didn't lie about that." He took a deep breath and stroked my chin gently. "And that was Embry just now. He just wanted to know if we were going to still meet up at the Garage, that's all."

That stopped me for a second. "You have to go to work? Now?"

He chuckled. "Nope. Not the kind of garage I'm talking about." He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, stealing all my anger away, and then he kissed my nose before pulling back to look at me.

I felt reassured in some way. He had said there hadn't been a better offer. And he didn't leave this morning, though we got interrupted. I had just been overreacting, I was sure of tat now. Great. And to top it all off, he had softened me up like butter. I was putty in his hands, damn him.

I let out a small breath. "Well, do you mind driving me back home before you go out? Or is that out of your way?"

Confusion marred his brow. "Bells, I'm not taking you home."

That hurt a little bit. Not because he wouldn't take me home but because of the way he said, so matter of factly like how dense could I be to think otherwise? I sighed again and opened my phone again, looking down at it. "Okay. I just gotta find a cab company and then if you could just drop me off at the store down the blo--" He grabbed my phone roughly, snapping my phone shut. I glared up at him. "Hey!"

"I'm not taking you home. You're coming with me, Bells," he laughed.

Okay, now I was the confused one. "What?"

He cupped the back of my head and pulled me close to him. "You're going. You're gonna come with me and meet the guys. Properly."

I shook my head. "Jake, I don't think that's such a goo--"

"Come on, Bells. You'll get to see they're not always dicks. I promise they'll be complete gentlemen." I tilted my head in disbelief. "Okay, well, they won't be gentlemen but they'll be decent. Come on, let's go have some fun."

I really didn't think this was a good idea. I had had enough laughing at me and my 'V' status for one weekend. "I don't know...."

He started to place kisses near my ear. "Jess'll be there and so will I. What do you say?"

He was moving down to my neck and God help me, he was wearing me down. "I uh....." I closed my eyes when he started to suck with fervor and bit my lip to keep from crying out. "I....I don't think they'll really want me there, Jake."

"Yes, they do," he murmured into my wet skin that I was sure going to bruise. "If they know what's good for them."

I didn't get to ask him what he meant because he went back to sucking on that spot. Oh yeah, I was going to bruise for sure.

"Wh.....What about.....mmm......what about your......" I gasped when he bit me gently. "Date?" I managed to finish.

He stiffened and pulled away from me. I sighed in disappointment. Here we go again with stupid Bella always saying the wrong thing that prevents us from getting closer to our goal.

Instead of closing down and getting angry with me like I figured he would this time, he laughed and shook his head.

"You _are_ my date, Bells."

Apparently I was having trouble understanding him. Maybe I had forgotten how to comprehend the English language in that moment with the headrush I was experiencing from his very talented tongue a minute ago. "Me?" Did he just say I was his.....date?

He shook his head again, still laughing at me. Always laughing at me. Sheesh. Guess I can't blame him this time. I might laugh at myself if my brain would catch up with my mouth for once.

"Yes, you. All of us are getting together down at the Garage, just to have some fun. Ever been there?"

I shook my head as it began to clear. Nope, couldn't say that I have though I'd heard of it. Now I felt like laughing at myself. To think I thought he meant the other garage. No wonder he was getting such a chuckle out of it.

"It's not a bad place. You bowl, play pool, that sort of thing. I think they have some food we can grab there, too, or we can grab it someplace else, doesn't really matter. You gonna come with or what?"

I bit my lip as I contemplated it. Jake wanted me to go with him and maybe, just maybe, he and I could talk later on and we could work out something for this.....situation. Plus, like he said, Jess would be there and hopefully, considering what time it was, sober. Though, I knew she must have had the hangover from hell. I should bring her some aspirin and make sure she's okay regardless of who she's with.

"Are you sure they won't mind?" I asked somewhat meekly.

He kissed me again. "Nope."

He was looking at me with those big puppy dog eyes, almost like they were imploring me to say yes. How could I say no to a look like that?

"Okay," I smiled shyly.

He grinned before kissing me again. "And," he said quietly. "I _am_ going to make this up to you. I think I might have just the thing in mind." He then kissed me so passionately, I almost attacked him again. His husky promise had sent shivers down my spine. Just what exactly did he have in mind?

Pulling back and leaving me in a daze, he started the car up again, smirking at me.

I involuntarily blushed at how he turned me into a puddle of goo with just one kiss and sat upright, straightening out my shirt and ponytail. I heard his soft chuckle but I ignored him, instead choosing to stick out my tongue at him in my usual immature manner as payback.

"I can't wait to see what else that tongue can do."

I felt my cheeks grow impossibly hotter and I pulled my tongue back in and stared out the windshield at the road ahead of us. "Just keep driving, Jake."

He laughed and then reached for my hand again. This time he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it gently. "I'm glad you're coming with us, Bells. Really."

I suddenly began to think of his friend Quil and the comments he had made the night before. And Embry. Jake had talked to Embry. Granted, Embry hadn't been that bad but it seemed whatever Quil said, the guys found funny and would join in. At least I could count on Jess to keep Paul in line.

Maybe.

I looked over at him a bit worriedly. "Jake, are you sure this will be okay?"

He lifted my hand one more time to kiss it before smirking over at me. "It will." He then turned back to the road. "You're with _me_ now, Bells. You don't need to worry." He snuck a wink over at me and then focused on driving after putting the radio on.

I was left to ponder quietly just exactly what he meant by his previous statement.

.......

When I got out of the car, Jake was there to take my hand. He began walking us towards the entrance. I was a bundle of nerves. Even though Jake had assured me I didn’t need to be, I was still worried what might happen when his friends saw that Jake had brought me.

Once we walked through the doors of Hi-Line Lanes, Jake dropped my hand and threw an arm over my shoulders, pulling me in close. When he spotted where the guys were, he squeezed my right shoulder in reassurance and led us over. I took a deep breath, waiting for the worst.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Jake greeted them.

“Dude, thank Christ you’re here. People have been eyeing up the spot and asking us when we were gonna play. I was thinking we were gonna lose it soon,” one of the guys complained.

“Sorry, bro. I had to get some gas. Where’s Paul, Jess and Quil?”

The other one shrugged. “Fuck if I know.”

The first one spoke up again. “They’ll be here in ten. Apparently, Jess had to stop at the store or some shit. Girls.” He rolled his eyes to emphasize his statement.

Jake shrugged and then turned to look at me, smiling. “Hey, guys. I’d like you to meet Bella.” I blushed and gripped the hem of his shirt tightly in my hands as I clung to him. I chanced a peek over at the guys and I saw them staring in my direction. Oh no.

“Bella, this is Embry,” Jake pointed at the first guy and then to the guy on his left. “And that’s Jared.” Embry smiled and Jared simply gave a nod. “What’s up?” Jared said in way of greeting.

“Hey,” I said quietly, too shy to say much else. I knew these guys had already seen me approach Jake the way I did and then witnessed me attacking Jake on top of my car so I shouldn’t be so nervous but I couldn’t help it.

Embry walked over and held out his hand. “Hey, Bella. I’m Embry.”

I shook it gingerly before burying my hands back into Jake’s side. “Hi, Embry.”

“It’s great to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

My cheeks flamed and I dropped my eyes, biting my lip. Already, it was starting. And obviously, Jake had told them way more than he had let on. I had to wonder, just how much was being said about me by him? And exactly _what_ was being said about me?

Jake’s hand tightened on my shoulder and he pulled me in closer.

“I-I meant that Jake told us that we’re from the same area. You’re from Forks, right?”

I met his gaze to find Embry smiling nervously at me. I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Awesome. It’s always good to meet people from back home. Jake said you’ve been to La Push but I’ve never seen you. Did you go there often?”

I glanced up at Jake who just smiled back down at me. I turned to answer Embry, shaking my head. “Um, no. I just used to visit my dad for the summers, so….”

He cocked his head at me in confusion before his eyes flickered up to Jake. “Oh.” He then turned a bright smile on me. “Cool. So, you’re at UW, huh?”

I nodded and felt Jake gently kiss the side of my head. “Yeah. You, too?”

Embry laughed and shook his head. “Nah. I went there, first semester, but it wasn’t really my thing. I decided to get a full-time job instead. I never really was into the whole school thing, you know?”

I nodded again, smiling this time. I was starting to feel more comfortable, especially with Jake rubbing my upper arm soothingly.

“Now I work with this asshole five days a week.” Embry punched Jake’s other shoulder, making him laugh.

“I don’t know if I’d call what you do work, fucker.”

Embry waved a dismissive hand. “Fuck you, man. One of these days I’m gonna make manager and you’re gonna be hurrying to kiss my ass.”

Jake made a face and then turned to smile down at me. “Sure, sure.” Embry laughed again.

“Oh, here they come now. Yo! Paul! Over here!” We all turned to see Paul and Jess heading towards us, arm in arm, almost like Jake and I were. Quil was walking behind them, his head down, covered with a baseball cap. Jess saw me and waved, smiling happily.

“What fucking took you so long, bro?” Embry asked when they reached us.

“What? I had to stop at the fucking store. Sue me.” Paul turned a sly grin on Jess and she giggled. Embry and Jared rolled their eyes.

Jake squeezed me again. “Hey, Paul. You remember, Bella, right?”

Paul’s eyes snapped to mine and whatever ease I had been feeling before went right out the window.

“Yeah, sure. I remember. How are you, Bella?” I was almost knocked over with how pleasant he had just been in speaking to me. Come to think of it, his eyes weren’t as angry as I remembered. Wow.

“U-Uh,” I stuttered. “Good. How about you?”

He smirked down at Jess and she grinned back. “Pretty good.” Jess giggled again when Paul leaned in to kiss her neck.

“Hey, Jess,” I smiled at her.

“Hey, B. Boy, am I glad you’re here. Now I won’t be stuck with all of these losers.”

A chorus of ‘hey’s and ‘that’s fucked up’ erupted, making her giggle in response. “Oh, chill, guys. I was kidding.” Paul nuzzled her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jake and I both rolled our eyes at the same time. Jess and Paul went to sit down and most likely, make out, when Quil passed us.

“Quil!” Jake called out. Quil froze. “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.” Quil slowly turned around and I nearly gasped at the sight of him. He had a huge fat lip, almost as if he had been in a fight of some sort. He wasn’t smiling and I could see why.

“Quil, this is Bella. Bella, this is Quil.”

Quil nodded at me. “Hey.”

Somehow, his eyes were the unforgiving ones now and I couldn’t understand why this animosity was being turned towards me. I forced myself to ignore it and gave him a meek smile. “Hey.”

Quil then turned to look up at Jake. I was surprised when I saw him glare at Jake and then go and sit next to Jared. Both guys were definitely not fans of mine. That was plain to see as they stared hard in my direction. I swallowed nervously and hugged Jake to me tighter.

He pulled me over to the other set of seats, on the opposite end. “Jake, is he….okay?”

Jake sat me down, dropped to one knee, lifted my foot to his leg and began to untie my sneakers. “He’s fine, Bells.”

“Are you sure? It looks like someone hit hi—“

He shrugged, still focused on my laces. “Yep, he’s good. Now, what size are you?”

I looked down at him and found him smirking up at me. “Jake, I don’t think I should play. I’m really bad.”

He snorted and took my shoe off so he could look inside. “Everyone’s really bad, Bells. That’s kind of the point.”

“Yeah, but, I’m _really_ bad. So bad that I was never allowed to play. I was always the scorekeeper.” He put my shoe down, shaking his head. “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll keep score. This way, the teams will be evened out. And I won't make anyone lose.”

He took off my other shoe, placed it next to the other one and grinned. “Bells, you’ll be fine. You got me and I’ll teach you how to throw the ball.” He winked, kissed my left knee and stood up. “I’m gonna go get your shoes. I’ll be right back.”

Then he and Embry left to get everyone else’s shoes. I bit my lip and looked around. Paul and Jess were making out once again. Did they ever stop? Then again, if Paul made Jess feel anything like Jake made me feel then-- Nope, not going there. I shook my head and scanned the rest of the room, bringing my gaze to Quil and Jared. Quil narrowed his eyes at me and turned away. Jared just stared before turning to face Quil as he talked. I bit my lip and kept my eyes glued to my hands in my lap.

What was up with that guy? What had I done to him to make him hate me so much? He didn't seem to hate me last night. So, what had changed? It wasn’t like I was the one who hit him. I didn’t get it.

And then realization dawned on me. I lifted my eyes back up to them and watched as Quil and Jared had a conversation. The split lip….the looks….. My jaw dropped.

“Close your mouth, Bells. You’re gonna catch flies and shit.” Jake snapped me out of my thoughts and handed me my bowling shoes. I took them mindlessly but kept gaping at him. He sat down next to me and started to take his shoes off.

He chuckled. “You gonna play in your socks?”

I shook my head, to answer him and shake myself out of my stupor. “No.” I slipped the shoes on and began tying the laces. There was no way it was what I was thinking. No way. Not after the conversation we had had in the car last night. He hadn’t corrected them. He had defended them to me. Even now, he was hoping I would see they weren't such bad guys. This was just my mind in overdrive, making something out of nothing, yet again. I decided to verify that I was indeed overthinking everything, thanks to Rose and my overactive brain, and get Jake to answer me this time.

“So, why would someone hit Quil?”

I looked over and his eyes were still transfixed on his shoes. He shrugged and continued to tie his laces. “He needs to learn to keep his fucking mouth shut, I guess,” he muttered. My eyes widened and I went back to my shoes. I mulled over his answer. Did that mean what I thought it did?

I finished tying the laces and stood up, grimacing at the ugly shoes I was forced to wear. Two hands slipped into my back pockets, grasping me and turned me to face Jake. He leaned down and kissed me heatedly before pulling me flush against him. I was taken off guard, not expecting that kind of display in front of his friends, but he whatever he was trying to accomplish, it succeeded. My brain didn't focus on anything else but him. I was so dazed I didn't even have the good grace to blush or be embarrassed at his sudden affection. A chill ran up my spine when I felt his lips at my ear. “Those are some pretty sexy shoes, honey.”

I snapped out of the fog I was in and punched him in the chest like he deserved. It didn't phase him at all; he just laughed.

Jerk.


	6. Objects May Be Closer Than They Appear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

Jake had done his best to teach me to throw the ball right on our lane but as usual, my clumsiness got in the way and I lost our team two games. I was embarrassed and felt bad, muttering to Jake "I told you. You shouldn't have let me play," the whole time. Jake didn't seem to care and instead teased me for every gutter ball I got and the one time I threw it two lanes over and almost hit a guy trying to get a strike. Embry just rolled his eyes good-naturedly and told Jake he was never ever bowling with me again unless he was wearing hockey padding, which just made Jake laugh harder. The other three, Paul, Jared and Quil, couldn't have cared less; their team had won while Jess had kept score.

The glow of victory faded from Quil's face though when his eyes met mine across the way. He scowled and turned away. It didn't look like he was going to be a fan of mine anytime soon. I felt slightly bad that I had been the reason he was walking around with a fat lip.

Or at least I assumed that I was the reason but I couldn't be one hundred percent sure. I had asked Jake that one question and now it appeared it was a closed issue for him.

I had been thankful that when Jess decided to ask me excitedly, "So, B, did you guys do it or what?" that Jake had gone off with Embry to grab some drinks and that the others were further away from us, engrossed in their own conversation. Jess had been so drunk she hadn't remembered her little part in last night's antics, as accidental and unintentional it was. Apparently, Paul had decided to leave out that little detail when recounting the night's events to her about the party and everything. Actually, I was kind of glad for it. She hadn't meant it and that was that.

"Um, well--"

But the guys had come back at that point and our conversation was cut off.

After I caused the second horrible loss of the day, the guys decided we should grab something to eat elsewhere. I wasn't sure what to say, not sure what Jake would want me to do, but his hand found my hip and pulled me into him, clearly giving me a look that said 'Stay.'

And stay I did.

After we had eaten, the guys decided we should go out for a few drinks. It was still early yet, about 6, so they decided on meeting up at the pool hall around 9 or so. Jess left with Paul to head back to his house and Jake took me back to the dorms.

"You're gonna come out with us tonight, right?"

I shyly smiled at him. "Yeah, I mean, if that's okay with you guys."

Jake chuckled. "Bells, you were invited, of course it's okay."

"Then, yes." He grinned over at me and I smiled back, allowing him to reach over and take my hand once again.

Once inside the dorm, I changed my clothes. It was only a pool hall but still, I didn't feel like heading there in flannel. While I was in my bra, changing my shirt, my door mostly closed, Jake snuck up quietly behind me and pulled me back into him.

"Let me help you with that," he whispered to me. And before I knew it, he was raining slow heated kisses down my back and only stopped when he reached the clasp. By that time, he had no chance of undoing it because I had turned and launched myself at him. His laugh reverberated in my mouth as he walked us over to my bed and laid us down.

What had ensued then was a very hot and passionate makeout session. Probably the best I've ever had. Colin and I had gotten handsy most of the time but while Jake and I did, too, he placed just as much emphasis on kissing me.

There are no words to describe the way Jake kisses. All I can really say is I had never ever been kissed like this in my lifetime, short as it was. His mouth was everywhere and he knew just where to nip and lick and then kiss tenderly. And once he reached my lips, he practically turned his kisses into an art with how much precision he had and the knowledge of when to change the pace from fast and heated to slow and sensual. He knew just how to get me to the point where I would beg him to do anything and everything to me to calming me right back down and making me feel almost....not loved, but cared for. How he could do this with simple kissing, without any of his other touches, I will never know. Even though I didn't know the experience of making love, when he kissed me in those slower moments, I felt like he was indeed making love to me, just to my mouth and not the next level where we still needed to take it to. But if the sex was anything like this, then I had certainly done myself a true favor. Rose and Jess and all the other girls had been right, he was a master.

When he would pull away so I could gasp for breath, he would start a heated trail of kisses down my neck to my chest. Surprisingly, neither of us had thought to take my bra off. I guess we were just too focused on each other. When he started to kiss lower towards my navel, I lifted my head up a few inches to watch him as he moved. As I saw his lips and tongue move over my skin, almost as if in a worshipping manner, I started to feel heat slowly building right underneath my bellybutton. I knew what an orgasm felt like, I had certainly had them before, alone and with Colin's help, but never had I been this turned on from something so simple as watching a man kiss me. No two ways about it, Jake was a sex god and I wanted nothing more than to be his very willing slave and offer up my body as a sacrifice.

He gently kissed around my navel and then stopped. Just when I expected him to move back up and show the same attention to my mouth and tongue, he instead lifted his head up. He smirked when he noticed that I had been watching him.

He lifted my right hand and brought it to his mouth. I kept my eyes on him as he sensually kissed the inside of my wrist. I nearly moaned at the action. How did a kiss on the inside of your wrist turn you on? He was pushing all kinds of buttons I didn't even know I had.

"Bells," he whispered against my palm before placing a tiny kiss to it. He turned his dark eyes on me. "I want to try something. Will you let me?"

He had me so worked up that I barely recognized my own voice or knew what I was doing when I sat up and kissed him sweetly before leaning down to place the same kind of kisses he had used on me on his bare chest. "I want you," I pleaded softly.

I heard him groan quietly and I glanced up at him as I continued what I had started. "I want you, too, Bells. You have no idea."

I came across his left nipple and lavished the same attention on it that he had showered me with so many times before. My actions seemed to elicit a few louder groans from him and prompted his hand to tangle within my hair as I then moved down his stomach. I'm a girl and I won't lie, the abs were absolute perfection and I made sure to pay that area extra attention and worship it wholeheartedly.

I worked my way down further until I came to a stop at the button on his jeans. Without hesitation, I undid it and pulled the zipper down.

At that moment, his fingers tightened in my hair and he grasped the back of my head and pulled me up to meet his hot mouth. "God, I want you," he said in that gravelly voice I loved, filled with pure need.

He leaned in and nipped a bit harder on my neck, right near where my pulse point was located. I bit my lip and let out a soft moan. I tilted my head up so he could have more access. "You can have me, Jake."

He grabbed my head once again and pulled my mouth back down to his own. His kisses were definitely picking up pace, they seemed more.....enthused and had more strength behind them. "You mean that?" He asked in between plunging his tongue deeply into my mouth.

He pulled back and nipped at my chin quickly. "Yes," I let out in a groan before I tightened my fingers in his short hair and roughly moved him back to me for deeper and more desperate kisses.

"Yes?" He breathed.

"Yes," I gasped out loudly when he sucked on _that_ spot below my ear.

A switch seemed to flip in him then. He held me to him and lowered us down so I was on my back and he was on top of me. His kisses became more fevered, harder, more filled with passionate need as he practically ripped down my jeans and underwear in one swoop. He tossed them aside and then did the same to his own jeans. I had sat up to try to help him but he ripped my hands away and leaned down to nip at my lips roughly as he worked them off himself. When both of our bottom halves were bare, he nudged my legs further apart with his knee and laid me down with him following me.

He positioned himself right near my entrance. Reality hit me hard then.

This was real.

This was going to happen.

Right now.

And then I would never be with Jake again or kiss him. Our deal would be complete.

I felt a fleeting incredibly heavy sadness at the realization but I attempted to ignore it by focusing on him and telling myself that this had been what I wanted. I had made the deal and I had to stick to it. Jake had gone above and beyond for me. It was only fair I held up my part of the bargain.

My nerves started to kick in and I braced myself for the pain that was sure to happen any minute now.

Then something popped into my head.

Jake leaned down to kiss me and what I assumed to start this in motion, but I pushed on his chest to keep him from moving anything.

His eyes met mine and he was panting in frustration.

"Bells?" He reached a hand up to cup my left cheek.

He swallowed a huge breath and his tone had a softer edge to it when he spoke to me next. "You want me to stop?"

I shook my head.

"Then what's wrong?" He took another big breath, obviously trying to get himself back under control. "Did I hurt you?"

I cupped his face in my hands and stroked him with both thumbs soothingly. "No. Nothing like that. I just....did you.....put the condom on already?"

His eyes widened a slight fraction of an inch and I noticed he seemed to come back to himself fully. "Shit!"

He positioned himself so his member wouldn't go anywhere it wasn't supposed to until we were ready and collapsed onto my right shoulder in defeat. "Fuck," he breathed.

I placed sweet kisses to his own right shoulder that was facing me in what I hoped was a calming manner. "What's wrong, Jake?"

"I fucked up, Bells," he mumbled into my skin. "I fucked up big time."

My brows furrowed in confusion. What on earth was he talking about? And I asked him that very same question.

He sighed angrily and turned over onto his back on the bed, leaving me cold and unhappy. His body had been keeping my bare skin warm and as heated as his own. His hand came up and he rubbed his closed eyelids in agitation. "I forgot the fucking condoms."

I wasn't prepared for that one. "Oh," I said meekly. "But....don't you usually carry that sorta thing around all the time? Like in your wallet or something?"

His hand dropped back to the bed and he sighed again as he stared up at the ceiling. "Yeah, I always do and I had one last night, too, but then....," he trailed off. My instincts immediately told me I did not want him to finish that sentence because I somehow knew I wouldn't like the answer. “I meant to grab ‘em before I left the house but I forgot. Sorry, Bells, my head’s been kind of all over the place recently. Fuck, I can’t believe I forgot them, what the fuck, am I 15? Dammit!” He groaned again in defeat.

My head wasn’t all over the place, it was stuck in one particular area: last night’s mysteriously disappearing condom. One thing was for sure; he didn't use it with me last night.

I bit my lip as I warred with myself internally, telling the smaller voice of reason to shut up and not think about anything to do with last night. And I acted on it before I could change my mind and allow my insecurities about his desire for me come into play, once again.

"Jake," I said softly.

"Yeah?" He asked without looking at me.

"I have a couple....if you need them."

His head snapped towards me and his eyes narrowed. "What?" He asked in disbelief.

I blushed slightly and lowered my eyes to the sheets we were laying on. "Well.....I knew what I was going to the party for last night......well.....you know." I licked my lips nervously and looked up to find him watching me. When he didn't say anything, I continued my explanation. "And they always say the girl should be just as prepared as the guy. You know.....in case this.....happens."

"You had them on you last night?"

I nodded shyly, completely embarrassed that we were still talking about this instead of fixing the problem. Correction, I was embarrassed that _I_ was still talking about this. "Yeah."

"Where?"

I began to be fascinated with the thread hanging off of the edge of the pillowcase. "In my bag."

Nothing was said for a few moments and the silence was so uncomfortable, I let my eyes travel back to his face, just to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep on me.

His gaze was still intently transfixed on me and when he saw me look up at him, he nodded and sat up. "Right. Where is it?"

I licked my lips again. "They're in my bedside drawer. Over there," I pointed since he was closest to it. My face grew hotter with my next words but I felt it was necessary to throw the disclaimer out there. Just in case. "I swiped them from Jess' room. So I don't know if they'll be......the right size...."

I heard him chuckle and I looked up at him again to find him smirking at me. "If she has them for Paul, it might be a tight fit." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes, smiling. The tension had passed and the air in the room felt lighter. He leaned down and pecked my lips before sitting back up and moving over to my bedside dresser. "They're in here you said?"

"Yeah," I confirmed as I sat up against the head of the bed and noticed I somehow still had my bra on. I quickly discarded the last piece of my modesty, since it was no longer necessary. I ran a hand through my hair as I heard the springs in the bed whine lightly as Jake sat on the side of the bed, his back to me, and opened the drawer to find the condoms I had stashed in there this morning. Just in case.

I bit my lip in anticipation and did my best to calm the resurgence of my nerves. I kept hoping the condoms would fit, despite Jake's ego, so we could finally take the last step like I had been wanting for what felt like the longest time.

I waited a minute and yet he hadn't moved. Didn't he see them? I put them right on top and it wasn't that big of a drawer. "Jake," I asked, somewhat nervously. "Did you find them? They should be right on top."

He didn't answer me and thinking maybe he had found them but was attempting to put one on and having little success, I crawled forward playfully and kissed his right shoulder before resting my chin on it. "Need some help?" I asked teasingly.

I looked down near his hands but instead of seeing the ripped open foil packet and the partially unrolled condom like I expected, I saw a different object in Jake's hands. When I focused on it, I saw the wooden carving of the wolf I had kept at my bedside for years after it was given to me by a young boy from La Push while he told me stories about men that turned into wolves and stood as protectors for the tribe.

I froze. I wasn't sure what to do or say. Jake seemed equally petrified, just turning the carving over and over in his hands, staring at it, almost unseeing. Only one thought popped into my head in response and it kept repeating over and over.

_Oh crap._

.......

I continued to watch Jake pace back and forth in front of my dresser, pretty much wearing a hole in the carpet. He had gotten up and put his jeans back on some time ago and began walking around agitatedly and had been doing it ever since.

I had closed the drawer after he had stood up and left me there, the condom wrappers shining back at me in the lamp light less and less as the wood slid into place. I turned around to find Jake getting somewhat redressed and I knew then that sex was no longer on the agenda. This had killed it for us and might have done so permanently if Jake's expression was anything to go by.

I had taken his initiative and covered myself in my sheet but instead of getting up and following suit, I sat back against the headboard, watching him as he seemed to be fighting internally with himself, though fighting over what I couldn't guess. He still had the carving in his hand as he moved; he had never put it back in its original spot. His other hand had moved through his hair at least six times in the last ten minutes since the pacing had started. I had been nervous when he hadn't spoken to me, I had been even more nervous when I had seen him redressing and now, watching him, I was terrified.

I don't know why but I could sense that him finding that carving was a big no-no though I couldn't give a reason for it. Maybe because it would make things too personal between us? But how was that? It was something he had given me when we were kids, something he had made before he had even met me. How would that be an issue?

I caught his hand gliding through his hair one more time halfway in his circuit near the closet, and finally I couldn't take it anymore.

"Jake, are you mad at me?" I asked timidly.

He stopped mid-stride and turned around, the angry expression melting from his features. "Why would you think that, Bells?"

I gestured in his direction as a response.

He let out a big sigh and walked to the bed. "Sorry, it's just.....I wanted to talk to you anyway…..about things but…..well, I might as well tell you this," he said tiredly before sitting down on the edge of the mattress, facing me.

I knew what that statement meant, _that_ tone. I had heard it twice now and I knew nothing good was coming next. If I could have crawled into a ball and stayed that way, I would have.

He lifted the wooden figurine between us and we both studied it for a few moments.

"I forgot about this," he stated simply and lifted it higher to emphasize it was the object he was referring to.

I began to twist my hands nervously as I dropped my gaze to them in my lap. "Are you upset that I kept it?" I ventured quietly.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed him look up towards me at my question before lowering his hand to his own lap. "No."

"Then what's wrong?" I nearly whispered, still refusing to look at him, bracing for the impact that was coming. I was beginning to think Lauren had been right. Two guys who decided I wasn't worth it (though Edward's mistake had nothing to do with me at all and only himself as he assured me time and time again when we started to talk again) and now the, for all intents and purposes, man-whore of Seattle didn't even want me.

My track record obviously wasn't that great and if I continued in this fashion, my future looked pretty bleak.

Maybe it was time to consider switching to the other team; maybe I would be good enough for someone over there. I could do it if I put my mind to it. There was special hardware that could be used as substitution for the real thing; I knew about these things, I wasn't that naive. I could do it. I suppose I could train myself to get turned on by big breasts and sexy legs and think of toned abs and rough muscular arms grabbing me as gross. Anything's possible, right?

Charlie would be uncomfortable but supportive. Same with Renee, but she'd be more vocal with questions. It might weird Jess out but I'm sure she'd come around, especially if she thought she could now claim both sexes desired her, convinced I had crushed on her or something, though she only played for the one team. Rose might have something to say but she was a very loyal friend and that kind of thing didn't matter to her. She had hooked up with a couple of girls since we had got here. She called it "experimentation" and said it was quite enjoyable though there always something that seemed to be missing, that one thing being a dick to jump onto as she told me very bluntly. I'd have to make do but maybe Rose could show me the ropes. She was beautiful and had a gorgeous body. And she was blonde. Maybe Jake was onto something with the blonde thing. Don't they always say blondes have more fun? Maybe I needed to investigate that supposed fact further.

Science had always been my thing; experiments and investigating were my forte.

Angela wouldn't have an issue with it and she would be there for me as I turned into a switch hitter. Edward would love it. I could almost hear his squeal of delight over the phone as I told him. He had quite a few lesbian friends, maybe he could introduce me to some.

This could work.

"Bells?" The sound of my name jerked me out of my rambling thoughts. I glanced at Jake and found him giving me a tiny yet tight smile. "You okay over there?"

I cleared my throat quietly. "Um, yeah. Why?" No need to state what my future plans were. He just needed to dump me and get it over with. Well, not dump me, but break off our deal.

"You seemed to space out for a sec. Did you hear what I said?"

I shook my head gently.

Jake nodded knowingly. "I said, nothing's wrong, I was just.....caught off guard." He then smiled sheepishly at me. He moved to sit next to me on the bed, throwing his arm around me and pulling me into him. With his other hand, he held the carving out in front of us.

"Did you know I made this for my mom?"

I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. No wonder he was so weirded out. I had taken something that he had made with his own two hands and given to his mother before she......died.

He smiled, looking at it. "Remember the story I told you that day?"

"About the wolves?" I whispered.

He nodded and turned the carving over in his hand.

"Yes," I whispered again. "The protectors."

He smiled wider and turned to look at me. "You remember."

I gave him a tiny yet confused smile. "Of course I do. I never forgot it or you."

He nodded again and stared at his carving once more. "See, my mom, at night when she was trying to get me to sleep, she would try to read to me. But, I was never really crazy about those kinds of stories, even then." He chuckled before continuing. "One night, when I was being a real stubborn pain in the ass, she left the books alone and told me the story of the protectors. I was so blown away by it and in awe of it, I asked her to tell it to me one more time and then I would go to sleep. She laughed and did as I asked." A sad smile formed on his face as he lowered the carving down to his lap.

"It was kind of a cool thing to think of as a little kid, you know? There were these men that would turn into wolves and protect the tribe from all kinds of evil spirits and monsters out there. I told her I hoped I was one and she just smiled at me and told me I had to have the right blood to become one of them. I was really upset but she then told me that when she was a little girl she could have sworn that my grandfather was one, especially since he was so furry." He laughed and so did I. "She told me the story every night after that, until I was older and didn't need for her voice to lull me into sleep. But every once in a while, when I was getting into trouble or upsetting my sisters, she would turn to me and say, 'Keep that up, Jacob Ephraim Black, and you'll never be a protector. Only men with the bravest of hearts and the kindest of souls can turn when the time is right. Our ancestors are always watching you, and they're the ones who decide if you're one of those men, don't you forget that.'" He wore a lop-sided smile as he relived the memory. "It kept me in line most of the time but as I got a bit older, I knew it wasn't real." He sighed and ran his fingers over the smooth wood.

"Right before I made this, she had said those very words to me when I did something that really angered her and my dad. I don't remember what it was but when she was scolding me and said that, I lost my temper and told her I knew it was just a bedtime story her father had created, that I never believed her. She tried to talk to me, to get me to settle down, saying 'Little Wolf, stop'. That was her nickname for me when she used to put me to sleep every night with that story. I yelled at her, told her not call me that ever again, it was stupid and I hated it and I hated her. " He swallowed thickly. "The look on her face, Bells.....I had hurt her. Badly. I ran out of the house and hightailed it over to Embry's. My dad was so pissed at me, as he should have been, but when Embry's mom brought me back home that night, my mom begged him not to punish me. It was obvious she had been crying, her eyes were all red and her face was splotchy and Jesus Christ, I felt so fucking horrible. When my dad demanded to know why he shouldn't knock my head off my shoulders right that instant, my mom looked at me and said, 'Because I think he's already being punished.' And she was right, I was miserable. I hated myself for what I had said to her, that I had made her cry." He shook his head and let out a tired sigh. "She forgave me of course, she knew I hadn't meant it, that I had just been angry. She never called me Little Wolf again after that," he whispered the last part brokenly. "I almost wished she would have let my dad whoop my ass that night like he wanted to. I almost wanted her to hate me, to yell at me, slap me, something. Because never hearing her say that name in the way she did again, it was so much worse," his voice cracked and he took a deep breath, clearing his throat.

I wasn't sure what I should say, if anything. He was trying not to cry, that was evident. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I pressed a kiss on his bare chest, right above where his heart was beating. I looked back up to find him watching me with glassy dark eyes. "It'll be okay," I whispered, hoping he would believe me, that I could somehow assure him and comfort him like he needed to be right now.

He placed his hand against my left cheek and stared at me, an expression on his face that I wasn't quite sure I had seen before. He kissed me softly and then pulled me back up against him. "Thank you," he whispered. I nodded and kissed his cheek before laying my head near his throat. I picked up the wolf that had fallen to the bed when we moved and handed it back to him, my fingers stroking the one side of the wood I had always loved to touch.

"And you made this for her?" I asked quietly, urging him to continue.

He cleared his throat one more time and held the carving closer to us so my fingers could still reach it. "Yeah. My dad was out in the garage one day and Mom asked me to go tell him that lunch was ready. I found him carving something, a little person or something for this gift he was gonna give my sister for her birthday, some family for her dollhouse or something. I don’t know, some girl thing. Anyway, I watched him without him even knowing I was behind him and the care and time he took to carve the body so masterfully, I wanted to be able to do that. I finally told him lunch was ready and he walked back up to the house with me. I asked him if he could teach me. He seemed unsure at first but when I begged him, he agreed." He started to stroke the other end of the wood from where my fingers were doing the same. "I started out small, making little things here and there. I wasn't too good." His chuckle rumbled in my ear and I couldn't help but smile. "I made a crapload of things that you couldn't even recognize. It was like I had taken a knife to a chunk of wood and just tried to play some horrible game of tic tac toe or something." We both laughed. "My mom and dad, bless them, always managed to look excited and appreciative of everything I carved and gave to them. My mom would put everything on a shelf in the living room and proudly tell everyone that came over I had made them. She was great like that. Such a great mom."

He didn't say anything else for a minute and then I heard him clear his throat again. "Anyway, I got better with a little practice. Okay, _a lot_ of practice." I giggled and he kissed my head. "Yeah, yeah, ha ha. So, her birthday was coming up. I wanted to do something really special for her, you know? I wanted to give her something that she knew was from me and me alone, something that meant a great deal to both of us. I wanted to make her smile and that was when I remembered her telling me the story of the protectors. Sometimes, back when I was younger and I was telling her how I would be a protector one day, she would ask me what color fur I thought I was gonna have. I always picked some cool color like black or white or even some kind of sharp grey but each time, she would say she thought my wolf self would have my coloring. I always disagreed because that didn't sound cool or exciting and one time, I asked her why she picked the same color every time. She smiled at me and hugged me closer, saying 'So I know which one my son is and I know my Little Wolf is watching over me.' And then she kissed my cheek, tucked me in and wished me sweet dreams." I felt him take a deep breath. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next.

"So, I picked the color, picked out the wood, carved it and once I was finished, I gave it to her on her birthday. I wish you could have seen the smile on her face, Bells. She loved us, always smiled, was always happy but.....this was so much more than that. Her eyes teared up and she said something in Quileute I didn't quite understand at the time. Then she hugged me and put it right in her pocket. 'This is going right next to my bed. I want to see it every night before I go to sleep, to see my protector.' And then she gave me this little smile, like we shared a secret and then she went to open the other gifts and rejoin the conversation going on. Dad told me later that every night before she went to sleep, she would pick up the wolf and kiss its nose and whisper, 'Good night, my little wolf.'" His voice broke and I felt him hug me tighter to him. I held on just as tight. Now I was beginning to understand the significance of seeing this carving again. "She died a few months later. Her and my dad, they were driving back home from the Makah reservation I think, they hit a patch of black ice, my dad never saw it coming. He tried to get control of the car back but...." I felt a warm wetness hit the top of my head. "He couldn't," he choked out.

I swallowed down the lump in my own throat and constricted my arms around him. "Oh, Jake," I whispered before I lifted my head to look at him. He immediately shielded his eyes behind his hand and wiped away any evidence of him having begun to cry. He cleared his throat and turned away from me, getting up off the bed and keeping his back to me. I didn't want to let him go but I also didn't want to push him. I wasn't sure if the small amount of comfort I could offer would even help. In the end, I gave him the few minutes he needed to collect himself, ready to jump up at a moment's notice should he need me.

I saw him turn the carving over and over in his hands, studying it again. "My dad gave this to me after the funeral, knew she would want me to have it. And......I put it away. I couldn't look at it. It reminded me too much of her and how she wasn't there anymore to hug me or kiss me goodnight or scold my sisters for picking on me and then scolding me for making their lives a living hell as they always put it. She wasn’t going to be there to proudly boast of the little things her son made and show every person who came to the house, even if they’d seen the shelf a thousand times." He turned back to me, meeting my eyes. "I hated it. I know it was just a story, I knew it then, but fuck, Bells, I felt like I failed her." One tear trailed down his cheek before he checked it.

"Jake," I got to my feet to walk over to him. "How could you think that? It was an accident. It had nothing to do with you."

"Because I wasn't there to protect her," he answered me quietly.

"Jake," I shook my head and stroked his cheek. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have protected her from that. No one could have." He nodded in response but I got the feeling that he wasn't really looking at me, he was looking through me.

"Please hear me, Jake," I whispered. His eyes snapped in my direction and he focused on me. Inwardly, I was relieved.

"I do hear you. And I get what you're saying, but....." He took a deep breath and looked down at the wooden wolf once more. "Ah, it's history, Bells. It's just history, it's already happened and it's in the past. Nothing I can do about it now." He licked his lips and took another breath.

He was shutting down on me and I wasn't really sure what to do so I let him, softly rubbing his back. "How old were you when it happened?"

"Ten."

My eyes widened slightly. "Ten?"

"Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair. "About six months or so before I met you in fact. It happened about a week before my birthday." I shut my eyes tightly. What a horrible birthday present, no wonder he hated the wooden thing. I hugged him tightly and I was happy when I felt him hug me back just as tightly.

When we broke apart, I attempted to discreetly wipe my tears away before he could see them. Thankfully, it seemed I was successful. "Jake," I grabbed the hand that held the wolf and closed his fingers over it. "You should have never let me take this. It was your mom's. It belongs with you."

He shook his head. "I knew what it was when I told you you could keep it, Bells. I had pulled it out finally a few days before you came over. That's how long it took for me to be able to look at it again. It was just funny that that was your favorite one out of them all." He chuckled and tossed the wolf up in the air and caught it.

"But, why tell me to keep it? Why not give me something else or say you'd make a new one or tell me the Boogeyman would get me if I touched your stuff again or something?"

He broke out into laughter and even though it was at my expense, I was happy to hear the sound. The air lightened considerably and I was thankful he somehow found what I said funny.

"B-Boogeyman? Are you joking me? Why the hell would I say that?"

I blushed. "I don't know, don't older brothers usually threaten their little sisters with that or something?"

He gave me a sly smile. "You really think of _me_ as an older brother, Bells?"

My face was now beet red. "No," I sputtered. "Of course I don't. I was just thinking what a boy would say to make sure I didn't touch or take anything. That's all."

He laughed again and I gave him a mock glare. "Good. Because I don't have very brotherly intentions towards you."

My breath hitched and I slapped his chest playfully. He just laughed and kissed my temple as he gave me a one-armed hug. I didn’t want to keep pressing the issue, but I had to know. How could he let me take something so precious? "You never answered my question. Why did you let me take it if it meant so much to you and your mom?"

His smile slowly faded before he moved us towards the bed. "Because you seemed to love it just as much as she did."

He gestured for me to sit down and once I did, he sat down as well. "But.....Jake.....your mom....I feel so horrible. I wish I had known and I could have given it back to you. I never should have had it. It's something for you to remember your mom by, a special memory between you. I'm so sorry."

He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles tenderly. "Don't be, Bells. I don't need a piece of wood to remember my mom. The only wood I'm ever gonna see in my mind when it comes to her is the coffin they buried her in. It's not something I really want a reminder of. So, it was better off with you. And still is actually." He handed it over to me.

I bit my lip as I stared at it in my hands. "I still.....I don't know. I still think it's not right. I never should have taken it." I literally felt like I had been keeping his mom from him, for my own selfish reasons. No matter how Jake tried to reassure me, that guilt was never gonna go away. And now I wasn't so sure if I should tell him the truth if he asked me why I still had it and why it was here of all places. It would just make him feel worse.

"You can make it up to me, Bells. If you really feel that badly." I looked up to see his smirk in place, his meaning clear.

I laughed and gently slapped his chest. "I'm being serious here, Jake."

"So am I. We were moving things along pretty well before I had to go and ruin it with my mental breakdown. Sorry about that by the way. I really killed the mood there, didn't I?"

I placed the wolf on the bed next to me and reached up to wind my arms around his neck. I kissed him and whispered to him, "You don't have to be sorry. I'm glad you told me. I’m thankful I got to hear about such an amazing part of your life. I just wish--"

"Wishing doesn't change things, Bells, so forget it. I want you to have it, okay? It's obvious it means something to you for you to have brought it here. And you've kept it in great condition." He picked it up again and held it between us. "It just shocked me, that's all. Like I said, I wasn't expecting it. Especially, you keeping it by your bed like she used to." He sighed and placed the wolf on my nightstand.

He turned back to me and I smiled, kissing him gratefully.

He placed a kiss to my temple again and stroked my hair between his fingers. "I am curious, though. What made you keep it so long? Bring it here?"

I bit my lip. This is exactly what I hadn't wanted him to ask me. But after he just let me in and see him so vulnerable, telling me about his mom and how much she meant to him, it would be wrong to even try to lie to him. This was going to change everything. How could it not? Our deal went straight out the window the moment he found the wolf in the drawer. There was no going back now.

I took a deep breath. “Promise me you won’t get too weirded out?”

He had a confused smile. “What would weird me out, Bells? I just told you when I was a kid I used to believe I would turn into a wolf and go fight the forces of evil. What could be weirder than that? Why, did you used to believe you would turn into a unicorn and prance around the forest with rainbows shining out of your ass or something?”

I shook my head, smiling. “No.”

He started to rub soothing circles on my back. I loved the heat I felt transferred from his skin to mine. It always put me at ease somehow.

“Out with it, Bells.”

“Okay, here goes. When I was a kid, I used to get these nightmares, like really bad nightmares. I’d wake up screaming almost every night and I would scare my mom to death. She took me to a doctor and he said I had nightscares or nightfrights or something like that.”

“Night terrors?” He supplied.

I snapped my fingers. “Night terrors, that’s what they told my mom. Nothing could really be done other than try to make my room someplace I felt safe. She went all out, too. She put those glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, she put nightlights in my room, she made sure my room was organized and everything was put away properly so there wouldn’t be any shadows that freaked me out. She made sure the closet door was closed and would put a chair up against it like I asked her to before I went to sleep. She had the frame of my bed removed so the mattress and box spring would be on the floor, this way there no space underneath for me to even worry about. She placed a baby monitor in my room so she could hear me better at the first sign I was having a night terror. I mean, she pretty much had everything on lockdown and removed anything that could possibly scare me. She would read to me every night, sometimes sing to me and she always stayed until I fell asleep so I would know she was there. Everyone told her I’d grow out of it eventually.”

I sighed then. “But I didn’t. They just got worse and worse. But they changed also, the span of time they would hit me was becoming longer and longer. So much that it became hard to predict so when it would happen, it would scare my mom even more.”

“Did Charlie know about this?”

I laid my head on his chest. “Yes but there wasn’t really anything he could do. My mom was willing to try anything, herbal remedies, putting me in the hospital for some kind of treatment, take me to therapy, everything. But Dad insisted that we just had to trust what the doctors were telling us. He didn’t want me in any hospital if I didn’t need to be in there. My mom was going to do what she thought was best anyway but she made the mistake of telling my dad. I don’t know what happened after that, Mom never really gave me the details but somehow he kept me out of the hospital. How he did that all the way from Forks I don’t know but Mom won’t talk about it. But, eventually, the terrors went down to about once a month maybe or once every two months, I don’t know. But I was getting better as I got older and there were some nights, I swear, I wouldn’t even dream, just sleep. Everything was looking up.”

“But?” He prompted softly.

“But, the summers I spent with my dad would destroy any progress that I made back at home. My bedroom at Charlie’s was unfamiliar to me and even though he tried to do everything that my mom told him to do, it didn’t work. When I was in Forks, I would have night terrors every night. No matter what anyone tried or said, I still had them. They were some of my worst episodes, my dad said. Mom thought it had a lot to do with the cloudy overcast Forks had most of the time and all the rain and the dark woods nearby and everything. So, my mom decided I would only go to see my dad for two weeks during the whole summer. My dad wasn’t thrilled that the time was cut short but barely got any sleep when I was around and he wouldn’t get on a plane to come to Phoenix so two weeks it was. Actually, that had been our first two week stint, when we came to your house. It’s a shame it got cut short, though.” I frowned at the memory of my disappointment.

“And that was when Charlie would meet you in California for two weeks instead?” I nodded. “Didn’t you say that your mom hated the gloom or something? That was why she wouldn’t let you come back.”

“That was one of the reasons,” I muttered under my breath.

“So,” he smiled down at me. “How do my brilliant woodworking skills come into play here?” I rolled my eyes good-naturedly, making him laugh of course, and continued the story.

“The day you gave me that,” I indicated towards the wolf with the downwards tilt of my head. “A lot of things took place. Stuff that my parents were convinced would traumatize me and make me even worse. What Paul did, him hitting you, then my dad yelling, all the times I was scared.” I felt his arm constrict around me a bit. “And, well, all the times I was scared that day, you were there.” I whispered the last part and kept my head down so he couldn’t see me blushing. “Each time, you….took care of me, looked out for me. You made me feel safe and at ease. You were my friend and you made me safe when I thought or knew I wasn’t. And when you gave me the wolf and told me that story about the protectors, that’s kind of how I came to think of you, in a way.” I bit my lip and kept my eyes shut, fearing the worst.

A minute passed and then I heard him clear his throat. “Continue,” he said and I winced when I heard the cracks in his voice. I had made him upset.

“Sorry, Jake,” I whispered to his chest. “I didn’t know about the wolf and your mom and what it all meant when I thought that,” I whimpered, burying my head into his neck.

His hand came up and stroked my hair. “It’s fine, Bells. That’s what it was meant to make the person who had it think. The story of the protectors, I mean. So, what’s the big deal? Why even let that worry you? Is that what you thought would weird me out?”

I shook my head. “No, there’s more,” I mumbled against his skin.

“Okay, so tell me the rest of the story, Bells,” he urged. “I’m listening.”

I sniffled and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him to me. “After I was forced to go back home, thanks to my mom, the night terrors continued but instead of getting better after they usually did after I had been home a few weeks and Mom had kept up her routine, I was actually getting worse. My mom and dad worried that it had to do with that day on the beach but weren’t sure. At night when my mom was rocking me after she had finally been able to wake me up and I was crying, I would spot the wolf I had put on my nightstand next to my nightlight when I had come home. Even though I was still a mess, when I saw it, I would think of you, of that day, and how safe you made me feel. And as I thought about it, I would start calming down and start thinking about you, wishing you were there. Somehow I thought you could take those horrible dreams away or keep them away at the very least. After a couple of nights, my mom made the connection. So, when I would have another episode, she would pick the wolf up and put it in my hand. She didn’t know where I had gotten it but figured maybe your dad gave it to my dad to give to me or something. She would ask me why the wolf was so special and I told her it was because it made me think of my friend, a friend who kept me safe. I think she wanted to ask me more but she knew me feeling safe meant there would be less night terrors. And at that point, I don’t think she cared. Her attitude was whatever worked she was game for.”

I let out a tired sigh. “So, when I would have my night terrors which in a few months had decreased again, my mom would always get the wolf when I woke up to calm me down. She would tell me to think of my friend, to feel safe, knowing my friend was looking out for me. Nothing bad could happen to me while my friend was there and as long as I was touching the wolf, my friend would be there. I was eight at that point and her idea worked.” I started to blush again when I went into the next part of the story. “So, I believed the wolf kept me connected to you. And as long as I had it, you would be there and I would be okay. It became a sort of habit for me to run my fingers over the wood before I got into bed at night. After a while, my mom no longer had to stay until I fell asleep.” I winced at the next memory. “I even talked to it sometimes, thinking I was somehow talking to you. But obviously, as I got older, I realized that wasn’t possible. But, this wolf you gave me,” I looked down at it once more. “It became something significant to me. I still get them, the night terrors but they’re even rarer now than before. The last one I had was about four months ago. And before that one, I can’t even remember the last one. Even throughout middle school, high school and now, even college, I’ve always kept it with me, always next to my bed.”

“But, why did you put it in the drawer then? Wouldn’t it work better if it was out in plain sight for you? ”

“Well, I don’t really need it as much anymore, to help me calm down, I mean. But when I do, when a night terror comes out of nowhere or I’m scared or feel unsafe in any way, I pull it out and hold it the rest of the night. You made the wood so smooth that it stays comfortably in my hand while I sleep. But, um……yeah, that’s the story. Are you weirded out right now?”

I felt him lay his cheek on top of my head. “No,” he murmured. “It actually is making me feel….. things…..things I haven’t felt…..in a very long time.”

I stayed quiet, not sure what he meant, and just basked in the peace and safety his embrace brought me when he tightened his arms around me. If I could stay here for the next month, I would. Who needs food and water, really? Although, showers might be vital at some point, especially if we were in such close proximity to one another.

“Bells?”

I opened my eyes and lifted my head slightly, though I was still burrowed into his neck. “Yeah?” I asked softly.

“I’m pretty sure we just fucked everything up,” he said, echoing my thoughts.

Normally, I would have laughed but I knew he was serious and truthfully, so was I. Where did this leave things? Where did it leave us?

I heard him sigh heavily. “I don’t think we should meet up with the others. I think we should go somewhere we can talk, clear our heads and take all this in.”

“We could stay here,” I offered.

He shook his head and pulled away from me a little bit, making me able to see him again. He picked up the wolf, opened the drawer, placed it back in there and then shut it. He then turned back to me.

“No offense, Bells, but if I stay in this room or this goddamn building another second, my head’s gonna explode. I want to go somewhere else.”

I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Where do you want to go then?”

He got to his feet and started to move around the room again, this time picking up his shirt and grabbing my clothes for me. He was more fidgety than he had been earlier. “Anywhere but fucking here. I want to get out of here now, though. I don’t want to wait.”

I walked over to him and rubbed his upper arm in what I hoped was a soothing manner. He looked like he was about to have a panic attack or something. “Okay. Okay. We’ll go. I’ll get dressed right now.” I turned to do just that but I felt his arms encircle my waist and pull me back into him.

“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair. I nodded, somehow knowing that he was thanking me for more than just going along with his requests but not knowing exactly what.

I pried his left hand loose from my waist and I brought it up to my mouth so I could kiss his palm. I then placed it against my right cheek as I turned my head towards him slightly. I heard his fast and heavy breathing and I felt him burrowing his head into my shoulder. “It’s okay,” I soothed as I stroked his hand and rubbed his remaining arm around me with my other hand. “It’s okay,” I promised.

Something had him freaked out and even though I had no idea what it was, I knew he needed me to reassure him in some way, calm him down. I just hoped it wasn’t me that was scaring him, not when he had kept me from being scared for so many years. Irony was not welcome right now in this room.

“I’ll get dressed, okay?” I asked in a whisper. Jake nodded against me and I felt his arms loosen their grip.

I was freaked out, too. I knew this past hour had changed things but where that left us and if it was impossible to ever go back to how simple things were this afternoon, I had no idea. And that scared the living shit out of me.


	7. More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

When Jake wanted to get out of my dorm and out of Stevens, I never would have thought that the place he wanted to take me to so we could figure things out was his place.

I had asked him a couple of times while he was driving where we were heading, but all he would say was, "Somewhere we won't be interrupted and I can think straight." He then would kiss my hand which he had been holding in his ever since he pulled out of the parking lot.

When he turned down some street and then swung into a driveway that already had two cars in it, I couldn't hide my confusion. "Jake," my eyes were darting all over the house that had lights on in the first floor. "Where are we? Whose house is this?"

He put the car into park and released my hand. "Mine." He got out, never once looking towards me to see my eyes as wide as dinner plates in my surprise. Instead, he came around to my side and pulled me out next to him. He grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the house.

Something within me wanted to resist, remembering he had told me that he was renting a house with his friends. But when I stopped short and he turned to look at me with those dark warm eyes of his questioningly, that apprehension all but melted away. This was Jake, my Jake for all intents and purposes, the one I knew would make sure I was safe no matter what.

"Bells?" He whispered.

I didn't answer him, just moved closer, leaning into his side and taking the hand that was holding mine in between both my palms as I hung onto him. I gave him a short nod and waited for him to walk us in. I had been around the guys earlier and they hadn't said a word to me in the same manner they had the night before. They had been decent, polite, friendly, joking and overall not bad guys. Just like Jake had always claimed they were. What did I have to be worried about?

He watched me for a minute before leaning down and giving me a slow and sweet kiss. As I'm sure he intended, I immediately relaxed and melted into him, focusing on him and him alone.

"It'll be okay, Bells," he whispered to my lips before he moved away.

I nodded, now being confident it would be. He gave me a grateful smile before squeezing my hands and pulled us up the steps to the front door. I released one of his hands so he could grab his keys from the pocket of his jacket and insert it into the lock which turned out to be unnecessary since the door was locked.

We walked into a house that seemed to be in chaos, well, typical bachelor chaos.

The music that we had heard playing from outside blasted us full force when we walked in. The living room to the left was a complete mess. It looked as if someone had brought in a pinyata full of food, empty wrappers and cases of beer and the thing exploded. There was so much garbage scattered around I was surprised I could still see spots of the floor underneath. Apparently, the vacuum cleaner had become extinct long ago.

I could feel the itch beginning in my system. Yearning of an incomprehensible nature started to course through my veins. I desperately wanted to grab a garbage bag, some 409 and go to town. I suddenly wished Jake had told me, I would have brought back-up, my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. That thing is definitely magical, but somehow I had a feeling it might come up against a stain it had never truly encountered before in this room and the battle would be lost. Was that a pan on the coffee table with some Unidentified Disgusting Object melded on the bottom? Had that been.......eggs before?

Okay, I was being a bit neurotic, I know that, but if you had seen this room, you would be, too. Pigs would not have stepped in this room. Scientists, bomb squads, the National Guard would not have stepped into this room.

Where's a HAZMAT suit when you need one?

Jake, thankfully, pulled me away from there. I wonder if I promised him some sexual favors later if he'd let me clean that pan before he took me back home. I shuddered at the thought of facing that petrified monster.

Jake felt it and stopped, turning towards me in concern. "You okay?"

I nodded, choosing to keep my mouth closed. I knew if I even attempted to answer him, the words would be out before I could stop them: "Where are the garbage bags?" But, I didn't want to be rude and I certainly didn't want to offend him. Obviously, he felt this talk we were about to have was important enough to bring me here. The least I could do was be a gracious guest.

He nodded also and led us forward, past the stairs that were on the left, just a few inches past where the open wall ended, showcasing the living room. Or as I dubbed it, my worst nightmare. Once we were in the hallway adjacent to the back of the stairs, there were two doors on the right and one on the left. Raucous laughter, jeers and the sounds of pool balls smacking against each other could be heard at the end of the hall. There was obviously an opening leading to some room we couldn't see on the far left. I assumed that was their billard room or whatever room guys have in their bachelor pads where they like to play.

We passed the left one first and the open door showed me that it was the bathroom. I truly hoped there was not one bathroom for all five guys. Granted, it would be worse if there were five women and one bathroom, but still.

We then passed the first door on the right which was closed. Jake jerked his thumb towards it. "Paul's room." He then used the index finger of the hand he had closed over mine to point down the hall. "That's the pool room. Sounds like they've got a game going. Probably trying to bone up for tonight. God knows they need it." He chuckled and I gave him a soft smile.

He seemed a bit nervous for some reason. He had been fine when we pulled up to the house, when we were outside, when we came into the house and passed that monstrosity of a room.... So, what was bothering him now? Was it because we were about to have the conversation that both of us knew we needed but were somewhat hesitant to have? Maybe he was embarrassed at the state that the house was in. I didn't care. Granted, I still wanted to bomb that living room with bleach grenades but I didn't take that as a reflection on him. I hoped he hadn't noticed my shocked expression when we passed it. I needed to keep any facial expressions better kept under lock and key. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I squeezed his hand tenderly. He just smiled over at me and we continued our trek down the hall. There seemed to be a decent amount of space in between the two doors. This house was much bigger than I ever thought Jake and his friends would be renting. Based on what he had told me last night at the party, he made it sound like it was a tiny house with barely any room "for privacy" as he stated it. But, looking now, he either was being modest or had been greatly exaggerating. This was the decent amount of size I would want to live in if four other girls and myself were renting a place. I liked it. As messy and chaotic as it seemed in the beginning, the feeling was a comfortable one. Although incredibly loud at the moment, the atmosphere was light and gave a sense of quiet, like this was definitely home base. Almost like how my room in Phoenix used to feel. Well, almost.

We then came to a stop at the second door. "This is mine."

I bit my lip and waited for him to open the door. He turned the knob and two voices made him stop short.

"Jake, man, where you been?"

"Holy shit, is that Bella?" I froze hearing the first voice. That definitely sounded like Jared. But the second voice helped to ease my sudden rigidity so I could turn to face both guys.

"Hey, Embry," I beamed at him.

Although we had only formally met a few hours ago, Embry seemed to be okay in my presence more than the others. Paul seemed indifferent to my presence and he was polite when required but things were still awkward. We had yet to have a short but decent conversation. Quil hated me at the moment and Jared also seemed indifferent. Paul and I had shared more words than Jared and I had that day.

Embry was the one who welcomed me warmly, seemed to understand Jake wanted me around that afternoon and accepted it easily. He had been patient when Jake was trying to show me how to throw the ball to hit the pins, he had laughed off the two losses we had endured thanks to my nonexistent eye-hand coordination and he had made me feel like I was one of the group, even when Jake disappeared to use the restroom. He and Jake had made me laugh plenty of times. The two bickered like a married couple but it was obvious they were real buddies. As much as Jake professed to be close to Paul, I could see he and Embry were just as close.

I liked Embry.

I liked him so much that before we had left the restaurant we had eaten at, I hadn't shot him death glares when he softly started to sing the lyrics to "Like A Virgin" by Madonna that only Jake and I could hear as we walked out to the parking lot.

Jake had tensed immediately and turned to say something but stopped when he saw me place a hand on Embry's shoulder. "Aww, Embry. Don't worry. You'll meet the right girl someday, I just know it." I patted his shoulder with as much mock sympathy as I could muster and ran to Jake's other side before Embry could catch me.

"Why you little--"

Jake's laughs rang out into the parking lot and he allowed me to use him as a shield for the next minute and a half. It was at that moment that I knew Embry and I would be friends.

That is, if after tonight, I was still allowed to be around. And right now, I wasn't too sure what the end result would be, so I took the opportunity to release Jake's hand and move towards Embry to give him a hug.

Embry hugged me back but then his grip became vise-like. He turned me so we were both looking towards Jake who had a tight smile on his face. I tried to give him the most reassuring smile I could so he wouldn't think that when I had left him standing there to run to Embry, it hadn't been to hurt him. "I don't know, man, I think Bella here wants to take a ride on the Embry Express instead of on the Jake train. Whaddya say, Bella? You want to be my conductor for the night so you can toot my whistle?"

I knew Embry was just kidding but I wasn't too sure Jake did. As I thought, I saw his face darken so I acted quickly before another one of his friends was walking around with a split lip.

I poked Embry roughly in the ribs which made him release me so he could rub the spot I had just assaulted. "Damn, woman, that hurt."

I rolled my eyes and walked back over to Jake. "You're such a girl," I threw over my shoulder. Jake smirked down at me which widened when he then shot it over to Embry. I knew very well what he was doing and while I didn't approve because I didn't feel it was necessary, I let him get away with silently giving his friend whatever warning he didn't intend for me to see. I took his left hand and intertwined our fingers which made him turn to me and smile. I leaned into him, smiling back. He had nothing to worry about. I came to him for a reason. I had no cause to seek anyone else out to make an arrangement with.

Unless things went sour in the next few minutes when we were alone. But even then, I could never do that to him. I _would_ never do that to him. Maybe for Jess, it was okay, because she and Jake were a one time thing, but Jake and I.....it just wasn't gonna happen. Ever. Embry may have been an attractive and fun guy to be around but I didn't think of him in any other way than as a friend of Jake's.

He wasn't the one I wanted.

"Your loss, Bella," Embry joked.

I rolled my eyes again. "Embry, just for future reference, express means fast and short. Like Express Mail or Express Delivery. I think I'll pass and stick with the Jake train, thanks. The ride's longer, bigger and much more comfortable. Smoother. Safer," I responded but never looked over at him. My eyes were glued to Jake's which seemed to brighten at my words, especially the last one. I wound my arms around him and placed my chin on his chest, looking up at him.

Jake let out a chuckle and so did Jared. I was glad to hear Embry had joined in. "Well, damn, Bella, thanks for letting me know that. No wonder that line never seemed to seal the deal."

We all laughed at that one. "Happy to help," I stated as I shook my head gently in amusement.

"Wanna go inside now?" Jake asked quietly while stroking my cheek with the same thumb from before.

"Yes," I whispered back.

He flashed me a smirk and stepped out of my embrace. He then picked up my hand and tugged me closer to him. He turned the knob and opened the door.

Embry snickered in the background. "Alright, kids. Now, don't forget, pulling out isn't always an effective--"

"Shut up, Em," Jake growled. I just rolled my eyes as I heard Embry's chortle and Jared's sniggering and placed my hand on Jake's back to urge hm to go in. He got the message and led me into the room, shutting the door on the two laughing dolts we left behind.

We were swallowed in darkness momentarily until Jake flipped the switch and a lamp on his dresser came on. His room wasn't bad, pretty clean actually. There were a few clothes here and there, but it was decent. He had dark walls and a dark bed spread. A simple dresser and night table filled out the rest of the decorum. I noticed a comfortable looking chair in one corner.

I liked it. It felt even better than the house had seconds before.

"Home sweet home," Jake chuckled. He let go of my hand and proceeded to take his jacket off, tossing it in on the bed. He sat down on the edge and motioned for me to join him.

"This is nice, Jake." I smiled at him as I sat.

He shrugged but started to smile back. "It's not much but all I really need is a bed, you know?"

Before I could even process what he had said, he immediately started backtracking. "For sleeping."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "I know what you meant." His lopsided smile slowly began to fade as he dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap.

Silence ensued for another minute or so until I cleared my throat quetly. "You wanted to talk...."

He let out a heavy sigh which made my nerves worse. "Yeah. Bells, I......," He turned and looked at me. "I think we gotta think about.....things."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we need to decide if we should still go through with your request or not."

My heart stopped. "Why wouldn't we go through with it?" I knew the answer already but I needed to hear him say it.

He looked at me sadly. "Because I don't know if I can go through with it."

I averted my eyes down to the floor. "Oh," I said softly. Disappointment and the pain of rejection ran rampant throughout my body. He didn't even know if he wanted to sleep with me or not. Wasn't that an answer right there?

His hand immediately covered both of mine in my lap. "It's not what you're thinking, Bells."

"What _am_ I thinking, Jake?" I asked blankly.

"I'm no mind reader but if I had to take a guess, I would say you're thinking it's because of you, why I don't think I can do it. And it's true, it is because of you. But not why you think."

My eyes flashed up to his. "What else is there to think, Jake? We tried several times, it didn't work for one reason or another, and now.....now it's not gonna happen at all. What else could be wrong but me?"

Jake cupped my cheek and whispered, "There's nothing wrong with you. How could you even think that?"

I shot him a pointed look.

He sighed again. "Right. Maybe I should explain what I'm saying." He removed his hand and pulled it through his hair. "How do I say this without sounding like a prick?"

I winced. "Just say it, Jake." I prepared myself to hear whatever was wrong with me.

Jake nodded. "Right, okay. Honesty is the best policy, right? Even brutal honesty. Okay, so here it goes. I'm having.....some sort of.....conflict. Conflict of interest I guess you could say."

"Conflict of interest?" I was uncertain what that could mean pertaining to our situation.

"Yeah, a conflict of interest." Jake licked his lips and I noticed he relaxed slightly, which I took as a good sign but couldn't quite relax myself. Not yet. "Just....hear me out, okay? Before you say anything."

He picked up my right hand and proceeded to study it as he cradled it gently in his own hands.

"Bells, first thing you should know is," he began. "I like my life the way it is right now. I'm not looking to change up any part of my routine. I'm working where I want to be, getting the experience I need and the time to work on a plan with Embry to open up our own shop." I nodded as he spoke. He covered my hand with his and intertwined our fingers before looking up at me. "I've got women throwing themselves at me left and right and that's not just my ego talking, that's a fact." I winced involuntarily and he caught it. He turned his body towards me, grasping my hand tighter so I couldn't escape. "I'm not tied down in a relationship. I like the casual sex with a different woman every night. I like the freedom of it and not having to worry about any of the baggage that comes from something meaningful. I like sex, Bells. I do; you know that." I winced again. _Dammit brain, let me control my own face, thank you very much._ Yes, he did like sex. Isn't that why we were here?

"I like being able to go out, find a random chick to hook up with, right there, wherever, whenever, then head back home to my house, my bed, alone and not deal with any bullshit. That's how I like it and that's how I want things to stay. No one's gonna tie me down and try to force me to be something I'm not. I'm not the cliche asshole a woman tries to save and she's the only one that can change him into her dream guy." He stared at me seriously, not letting up until I nodded in understanding. Once I did, he took a deep breath and relaxed back against the wood. "And then here you come, looking cute in your dress and so beautiful, and not only are you the girl I've thought about nearly every day for nine years straight, you're asking me to sleep with you. Not just sleep with you, but to be the first guy you give it up to."

Wait, what? I filed that away for later when it was my turn to talk.

He chuckled in disbelief and shook his head, looking back down on our joined hands. "I thought I was going fucking insane there for a minute. Some prank that had been cooked up by the guys or some stalker chick I had burned or something." He shook his head again and lifted his eyes to mine. "It just wasn't possible. Didn't seem real, you know?" I nodded again. My mouth couldn't seem to work. Where was he going with this?

"But, obviously, it was. Is. Suddenly, I found myself not only talking to you when I could fucking care less what a girl has to say except to tell me where to hit it and how often." I grimaced and went to pull my hand out of his but he held it firm. "Sorry, Bells, but it's the truth and it's the only way to explain. So, just hear me out, okay? Like you said, you knew what I was about before you ever approached me. Remember?"

"Yes," I said quietly. I refused to look at him, instead choosing to study my jeans.

"I kept thinking all these different, crazy things when it came to you and before I knew it, I wasn't even thinking anymore, I was just doing them."

I turned towards him then. "Like what?"

"Like I wanted to kill Quil the minute he opened his fucking mouth. Not just for what he said about you but for even suggesting he would touch you." His eyes clouded over with anger then. "I wanted to hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to see straight for the next week. And then when Jess let her mouth run and I saw how mortified you were, how humiliated you had been when they showed up, I swear I saw red and I wanted nothing more than to kill those fuckers, teach them a lesson for ever thinking of making you feel that way."

He paused and took a breath. "But then I realized I was having this thought about my friends, my friends who've stuck with me all my life and have been through some real heavy shit with me. They're more like brothers; they're practically family. And yet, here I was, ready to rip their fucking heads off without a second thought because they had embarrassed you and made you cry. Because they had wronged you which to me meant that they had wronged me, too."

"Is that why you hit Quil?" I asked quietly.

He sighed and looked away towards the dresser in front of us. He didn't say anything for a couple of minutes. Just when I was about to ask him if he was okay, he muttered, "That was part of it."

"What was the other part?"

He turned back to look at me. "He made me leave you last night when I really didn't want to."

My breath caught in my throat. So Quil had been the friend that needed his help? For some reason, I felt relief bloom throughout my chest. "What do you mean?"

His face clouded over with anger and he looked away again. "The fucker had Em drop him off at this bar he likes to go to when we all left the party. He got completely trashed and he had run out of money so he called me. He had tried the other guys but Paul and Jared didn't answer and Embry had had a few when he got home since he thought he was off duty for the night." He scoffed. "I hear some guy, the bartender probably, in the background telling him he has to pay up or he's gonna call the cops. So, I rushed out of your place and got a cab as quick as possible." He turned to look at me, the hard lines in his face from before softened. "I hated leaving you like that, Bells. I really did. I wanted to go back inside and say goodbye to you properly but I knew if I did, and you looked at me with those beautiful eyes of yours and asked me to stay, I would've and Quil might have been in jail or worse."

I nodded. He still seemed sad so I picked up his hand and laid it against my cheek, kissing the palm before I did, and smiling warmly at him. "You're right. I would have asked you to stay so you did the right thing." He still didn't look assured so I leaned forward and kissed him.

He went to pull me into him more but I moved away before he could. I ignored the puppy dog eyes he threw my way and laid my forehead against his. "Is that all that's bothering you?" I gently pulled my fingers through the hair at the back of his head.

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. "No. When I was pissed at the guys for saying that shit to you and I wanted to rip them fucking apart, I suddenly got pissed at myself for even allowing myself to even have those thoughts. And that's why when you started to talk about them, I couldn't take it." He opened his eyes and pulled back to look at me. "I know they can be dicks, Bells. I know that and what they did last night wasn't right. There's no excuse. It's bad enough we basically go through chicks and then get rid of them like yesterday's trash when we're done but...." He shook his head before taking a deep breath. "I couldn't let them think of you that way. You've seen the girls that hang around us, Bells. It's not a stretch to say they'll basically spread their legs anytime, anyplace for anyone. And that's not you, Bells. Not even close."

I smiled warmly at him and stroked his cheek softly.

"And they're important to me. But I also want them to understand when something else is important to me that they need to treat it with respect. And once we talked in the car, when we got to your dorm, and cleared the air, I knew then you were just as important to me as they were, if not, more...." He brought his hand up to cover mine that was still laid against his cheek.

"Bells, I care about you. Whether it's to do with us meeting as kids or me getting to know you better, truthfully more than I've ever known about any other woman I've hooked up with around here, it doesn't matter. I care about you. So much. I...... haven't felt like this in a very long time. And to tell you the truth, Bells, it scares the shit out of me."

I leaned my forehead against his again, trying to let him know with my eyes that he didn't need to be scared. Not by me.

"I care about you. I don't want you to be hurt or mistreated or disrespected in any way," he whispered to me. "But, Bells.....I want you. Maybe that's selfish of me, hell, it is, but.....I want more."

"More?" I asked in confusion.

"With you," he clarified. "If we hook up or we don't hook up, either way, I don't want you to disappear on me. I just got you back," he whispered the last part.

While it caused my heart to flutter a little to hear him say that, I had to know. Did he really mean what he was....implying? "Jake, you're the one who made the cutting of all ties a rule. I was just trying to follow it to keep my part of the bargain."

I heard him swallow thickly before he cupped my cheeks. "I know I did but.....I don't want to follow that rule. Or any rules. Not when it comes to you."

My brows furrowed after hearing that. "But, Jake, you said you didn't want a relationship. You said you didn't do committment....."

He shook his head, closing his eyes. "I don't. But something's gotta....."

"Like a friends with benefits kind of thing?"

His eyes opened and he shook his head again.

"Well, then, what are you trying to say?" I was trying to be understanding because it was obvious that this wasn't his norm, and that showed in his discomfort talkng about it, but I needed something more solid before I could work it out to know whether I was okay with it or not.

He gently gripped me and laid me down on the bed so he could then move to cover me, staring down at me.

"I'm saying I want more. Not the boyfriend/girlfriend shit but I want you with me. And no one else. I want you all to myself."

I didn't let shock grab me just yet. I arched a brow questioningly at him. "What about your other _friendships_?"

"What about them?"

"You're basically telling me that you don't want me with anyone else but you and if I also want......more, then that pretty much makes me yours and no one else's. Are you willing to do the same for me?"

I didn't know why but his stare reminded me of a predator watching its prey, its eyes darting with every movement the latter makes. It made me slightly nervous, like if I made a wrong move, that was it.

"I couldn't give less of a fuck about all those other girls, Bells. The only girl I want around me right now is you."

"So Luce and the blonde from last night and all them...."

"Not even a thought. If you're with me, then I'm with you."

I let out a sad sigh before reaching up to cup his face. "Jake, I want to be around more, not just for the sex, I really do. But," I shook my head, biting my lip. "You just got done telling me how much you love the way your life is right now, the freedom of it, sleeping with random girls, the casualness. And even if you promised me you'd only be with me while I'm with you, I know you're going to still want that freedom. That didn't just magically go away in the last five minutes, or even the last twenty four hours since we met at the party. You can't really promise me that somewhere down the line, a week from now, a month maybe, that when some girl gives you that 'let's screw around' look and you could have sex with her in a bathroom or something and then walk away with none the wiser, that you wouldn't consider it."

He leaned down to kiss me but I turned away. I couldn't afford any distractions, not while I was waiting for him to give me an honest answer. He started this conversation so now he needed to answer my questions.

When I turned back, I saw him frowning down at me. I hated it but I needed to know.

"You're right, Bells. I can't promise you that I wouldn't consider it."

I nodded, biting my lip and averting my eyes down to his t-shirt, so he wouldn't see my eyes tearing.

He cupped my chin and forced me to look back at him. "But I can promise you that I won't do it." I bit my lip harder as I fought to keep the tears from flowing like they desperately wanted to. "I'm not gonna change overnight, Bells. I told you, I'm not that guy who girls see as dangerous and yet want to change him, and then somehow one of them does. I'm not gonna be that guy in a movie that all of a sudden has a change of heart by the end of the film and professes his undying love before he and the girl drive off towards the sunset and a huge house with a picket fence, two and a half kids, a minivan and a dog. I'm not that guy, honey. You know that. I know I don't deserve you."

The lump in my throat was practically choking me and wouldn't go down no matter how many times I swallowed. He kind of took me by surprise with this whole saying he wants more than just what I had agreed to give him. It secretly thrilled me he did but just like he couldn't miraculously change on a dime, I couldn't forget about what my heart had already been through. I trusted Jake, much more than I should have maybe, but I couldn't help but think back to how I always felt about him, even before I saw him again. He would always be warmth and safety to me. I wasn't sure if I was willing to risk my imagnary security blanket after all of these years. I wasn't in love with him but if I went through with this and he hurt me, I wasn't sure just what the repercussions would be. I'm a big girl, he wasn't some knight in shining armor, but if he did break my heart, how could I ever look at the wolf again and continue to feel the same comfort and reassurance it had provided all these years? How could I think fondly on the eleven year old Jake who had made me promise I'd come back, who had given me the carving he had made for his mother without a second thought, who had protected me against the wrath of a very pissed off and mean teenage Paul? How could I ever recover if My Jake destroyed me?

Jake gently pulled me out of my thoughts. "Bells," I focused my eyes more intently on him. He gave me a soft smile. "I'm gonna try my best to be what you need, what you want. I just don't want you to have this unrealistic perfect heroic version of me and if I screw up, that it'll break you."

I couldn't stop it then. The tears poured out of my eyes and slowly trailed down the sides of my face. His smile dropped and he reached down, wiping away the tears.

"Jake, I couldn't take it if you hurt me. If you started to sleep with someone else, even just one time.... I've already been through it once. I don't want to go through it again. My heart couldn't take it," I sniffled.

He stroked my cheek gently but his eyes narrowed at my statement. "What do you mean you've been through it once? Are you talking about that Edward guy?"

I sniffled again and wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "No, though I did walk in on that one, too."

Jake's brows arched in surprise. "On him and his boyfriend?"

"Yeah, some prom night, huh?" I laughed bitterly.

Jake narrowed his eyes again. "What happened the other time?"

I took a deep breath and wiped the sides of my face. I snorted. "That was even better. Walked in on him and his tutor. She was tutoring him alright, quite loudly." I winced and averted my eyes. "He swore he didn't mean to, but.....I guess I made him wait too long." I snorted again. "And the kicker is I thought he was in the library, where they met for their tutoring sessions, and his roommate was out, so I went over to his dorm to make it so....he wouldn't have to wait anymore." I shook my head, making a few more tears escape which I quickly tried to wipe away. "It was a little embarrassing, the two of them naked and going at it and me in this ridiculous....thing with just a coat on. Rose made me buy it and I swore I was gonna kill her as I froze my butt off, walking over to his building." I chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. When I didn't hear Jake join me, I quickly glanced up at him and nearly gasped.

His face was dark, really dark, and he looked like he wanted to kill. I suddenly worried it might be me since he was watching me so intently but I couldn't see why I would have upset him so much.

"Really? How long did you guys go out for?" His voice contradicted his expression, being soft and warm.

"Um, two and a half months." I shrugged, trying to think of a way to change the subject. "It doesn't--"

"How long did you make him wait before you decided to give in to him?"

I winced at that. Was that how he saw it? "The whole time we were together, but Jake, this doesn't--"

"Two and a half months, huh? And I'm guessing he kept pushing, getting you to do other things in the meantime?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and I looked down at his shirt again. "That's not--"

"Who is he?" He bit out, a severe edge to his tone that brought my eyes back to his face. Now his voice matched the anger still displayed there.

"It's not important, Jake. He's not important. I haven't talked to him since then. I moved on and so did he."

"Did he now?"

I bit my lip worriedly. "Yeah. But, it doesn't matter anymore so don't worry about it." I lifted my hand, laying it against his palm gently. "Sorry, I got kind of caught up for a minute. Let's get back--"

Jake's eyes pierced mine. "I want his name."

Just what I was afraid of. Dammit, why did I have to open my mouth? I sighed and attempted to pull my hand away. "Jake, it's not important."

He caught my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm before putting it back against his cheek. "It's important to me."

I narrowed my own eyes. "No, Jake. I know what you're thinking and it's not happening."

His eyes flashed. "Bells, you don't know what I'm thinking. I just want to know the little shit's name."

"Jake...."

"Bells, I want to know."

I sighed wearily. He wasn't going to let this go, if his expression was anything to go by. His determination shone through his dark eyes. "You promise to leave him alone?"

Jake didn't say anything for a minute. I glared at him. "I won't tell you who he is unless you promise me you'll leave him alone."

Jake's face softened considerably and he kissed me. "I promise," he whispered to my lips.

"I'm holding you to it," I whispered back before leaning up to kiss him again.

Jake broke away, making me pout, and lifted himself above me.

"Name?"

I bit my lip in hesitation.

"I promise you, Bells, I'll leave him alone. Now, tell me."

I took a deep breath. "Colin."

"Colin.....?"

I crossed my arms, annoyed. "You wanted his name and I gave it to you. You never said anything about a last name."

He lowered his head a little, gazing at me. "Bella, if I need to, I will go to the school and go to the administration office. I know the old lady behind the desk, all I have to do is smile at her and she'll give me whatever information I want. I'll get a list of every goddamn Colin in the school and I will find each and every one of them and ask them if they ever dated you. And the one guy who looks like he's about to shit his pants, I'm gonna beat the living fuck out of him, no questions asked. Or you can save me all that trouble and give me his last name. What's it gonna be?"

My face heated up and I nearly lost my temper. "Jake, don't you dare threaten me. Who do you think you are? You want to go on some ridiculous man hunt, fine. By the time you find him, he'll probably already be home for Christmas, if he isn't already." I pushed him with all my might, trying to move him so I could get up. It was futile as I knew it would be. I really needed to start working out and get some upper arm strength.

"I'm not threatening you. I'm stating facts. I want his name, Bella." I pushed again but he still didn't move. "His full name," he amended.

I blew a wayward strand out of my face in a huff and I glared at him. "Jacob Black, unless you want to become the youngest daughter of the Black family, you'll let me up right now."

He snorted in amusement and then grinned at me mischievously. "You'd rather I be a girl? You mean," He lifted my hand and placed it over the bulge in his jeans. "You would want to lose out on this?"

I could have killed him three times over with my glare. "My, aren't we cocky?"

His grin grew wider. "Feel me, honey." He moved my hand up and down. "Don't you think I have a right to be _cocky_?"

Before I could retort, he crushed his lips to mine. Within thirty seconds, his talented tongue had silenced any protests I might have voiced. Right before I was out of air completely, he pulled away. "Name?" He whispered to my mouth.

"Bella," I mumbled before I grabbed his hair and tugged him back down to me.

He broke away, making me whimper unhappily, and held both of my hands above my head. "Name?"

I tried a different tactic.

"Jake, I--"

"Wrong one."

I rolled my eyes in frustration. "Jacob Black, please listen to me for a second."

He watched me, waiting, but never released my hands.

"I'm sorry I opened the proverbial can of worms, okay? But I really don't want to talk about him anymore. I want to talk about you.....and me."

His grin faded and he let me go, choosing to cup my face instead. He stared into my eyes meaningfully. "I will never do that to you. That I promise you. I would never hurt you like that."

I bit my lip to keep from crying again. I was so emotional lately it seemed, what was up with me? PMS? Maybe. "But you just said, if you screw up...."

He let out a sad sigh. "I only meant if I fuck up and say something that might make you mad or forgetting something like I don't know, some important date or something. I'm not gonna jump the first woman I see, Bells, even if I know I could get away with it and you would never find out. Not when I've got you around. None of them hold a candle to you." He gently rubbed his thumb over my lips like he had out in the hall. "Don't you understand how important you are?" He whispered. "To me?"

I took in every inch of his features and I swear I could see My Jake in every one of them. The Jake who I had known as a boy. The Jake who had confided to me about his mother not that long ago. My Jake meant every word he said. He would keep me safe.

"Are you sure you really want this? More......with me?"

He nodded once and kept gazing down at me.

I nodded in return. "Okay. But, Jake, please, even with what you said, _please_ no other girls while you're with me."

He gave me a bright smile and leaned down to kiss me. "Honey, you don't have anything to worry about with me where's that's concerned. The only girl who keeps giving me a boner and makes me want to hump her leg is you."

I scoffed and hit his chest, making him laugh. He kissed me again and I couldn't help but smile. "You're the only one I want, too, Jake."

That arrogant smirk was back. "I know it, honey. How could you not? I mean, come on, what haven't I got?"

I rolled my eyes and he laughed again. I pulled him down to my lips. "So you and me and......more?"

He grinned and kissed me as confirmation. "You and me and more."

I shook my head and giggled.

He chuckled in response. "What are you laughing at, Swan?"

"You, Black." I began to mimick him in a deep voice. "So, Bells, how about, you know, you, me, more?'" I giggled again. "I never knew you were such a romantic."

He blushed, actually blushed, and laughed. "I told you I wouldn't be the type spouting love sonnets and shit. Come on."

I couldn't stop the giggling. "Oh yeah?" He grinned and started to mercilessly tickle me. He only let up when I kept gasping that I couldn't breathe.

He kissed my nose as I regained my breath. "I don't know, Bells, you kind of dissed me there. I think you owe me to make up for my hurt feelings."

I rolled my eyes. "I did not hurt your feelings and I don't owe you anything."

He gave me a fake pout and those puppy dog eyes. "Don't look at me like that. I don't owe you a single thing. If you want something," I said in as seductive a tone as I could manage. "Why don't you just ask?" I ran my finger along the neck line of his t-shirt teasingly.

"Really now?" He smirked.

I fisted his t-shirt and tugged him closer. "Really," I promised in a breathy whisper as I moved to the side and began to kiss his neck.

"Okay," he answered and then pulled away from me, making me whimper sadly yet again. He stared down into my eyes and somehow I knew I wasn't going to like this question, it seemed too serious from our playfulness from a few seconds ago.

I was right. I didn't like it.

"Give me Colin's last name."

I pushed his head away from me. "Aggh, Jake, you're driving me insane. Why is it so important to you to find out who he is? You promised you would leave him alone."

"And I will. Just give me the name, Bells. I have ways of making you talk," he said huskily as he nipped my ear lobe.

"And what if I enjoy you trying to make me talk?" I breathed into his left ear.

This time, he groaned in frustration and moved away. "Bells, just give me the name already."

I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so frustrated and yet so cute. He glared at me and I just laughed more. "Swan, you're killing me."

I struggled to breathe again. "O-Okay. H-How about I-I tell you where h-he's from? That way you might know him, might not? It'll be a fair 50/50 shot."

Jake considered it carefully for a minute before nodding in agreement. "That works."

I nodded, relieved. "Okay, he's from La Push. He was in my Philosophy class this semester. He's about the same--"

"Colin Littlesea?!!?" He asked in disbelief. "That shithead? Aww, Bells. I wish I had seen you around campus or something then. I could've told you he was no good. He's hornier than me and that's saying something. He's a total douche."

I frowned, disapproving of his immediate character assassination of Colin. "Colin was good to me the whole time we dated, Jake. He's not all bad. Even though he and I didn't work out and he did what he did, he still treated me decently."

Jake shook his head. "Answer me this, Bells. When you kept putting the brakes on, kept telling him you wanted to wait, what would happen?"

I bit my lip in thought. "He would say it was okay and he would wait as long as I needed."

"And?" Jake prompted.

I couldn't help blushing and shifting my eyes to his hand that I was currently playing with during my discomfort. "He said maybe we could do other things in the meantime, if I wanted." Jake gave me that smirk that said 'uh-huh, that's what i thought'. "But, he didn't push me, he gave me the choice and I agreed. He never forced himself on me, Jake." Yes, Colin had been pushy, but it takes two to tango, right?

"You're damn right he didn't. I'd rip his balls off and shove him down his throat until he shit them out if he had ever tried anything like that with you."

I grimaced and slapped his chest. "Jake."

He didn't let me deter him. "I'm serious, Bells. The guy's nasty, been with tons of girls from all over."

I arched a brow at him meaningfully.

"Yes, I hooked up with different girls, too, but one, I was always safe and two, I never ever led a girl on to make her think there would be anything more than just a quick fuck."

I grimaced again. "Nice," I stated sarcastically.

"It's the truth, Bells. That guy's nasty. I hate to say this because I know it hurt you and I don't like to see you hurt, but damn, Bells, am I glad he fucked up when he did." He reached down and stroked my hair. "You would've been hurt so much worse when he dumped you afterwards or kept cheating on you with all of these different girls, which, again, I hate to say it, but he was probably doing that while you were dating." I winced. "I know, I'm sorry, Bells, but if I know that piece of shit, I'm willing to bet that tutor wasn't the only one."

I sighed sadly and shrugged, focusing again on his hand. "S'alright. I did care about him but after I found him that night, I think it would be really stupid of me to think that he ever cared about me back."

He cupped my chin and forced my eyes up to his. "I'm not saying he didn't care about you, Bells, he might've. He doesn't just date a girl for two and a half months just to get in her pants. He moves on if he can't get you on your back as soon as possible. So, you could have very well been somewhat important to him but not as important as getting laid."

I placed his hand against my cheek. "So, you're saying he chose the sex over me? That it was more important?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Bells, but yeah. That's what I think is the case."

I stroked his hand. "And sex is important to you as well?"

He looked caught off guard for a second. "Well, not that I can't live and breathe without it like that asshole but I like to have a good time, yeah. But, Bells, I told you I--"

"And I'm more important to you than the sex?"

His brows drew together, clearly confused. "Yes. I meant what I said, Bells."

"And if I asked you to wait?" I whispered.

He smiled down at me sheepishly. "Not gonna lie, it would suck big time, because I want you so much. You've given me a taste and it's hard to forget the flavor but...." He lowered himself down a little further. "For you, I would wait," he whispered. "If that's what you really wanted."

I let his hand go and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I don't want to wait. I trust you, Jake, you know that. I never felt things with Colin the way I feel things with you." I was a little worried after I had said that, worried that he might think I was trying to make things even more serious than they already had become.

He smiled and kissed me sweetly before laying his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. "I feel the same way, Bells. No one has ever touched me quite the way you do. And did, even back then."

I smiled warmly at him and he kissed me again. "When you're ready," he whispered to me. "Tell me and I will make sure there will be _no_ interruptions this time."

I laughed. "There better not be or I am seriously gonna apply to become a nun. I already hear one of the convents calling my name."

"You're not gonna be a nun if I can help it," he smirked. "I'm not giving you up to God or Sister Mary Frances or any of that celibacy mumbo jumbo."

I laughed again. "Okay, glad to hear it." I pulled him back down to kiss me and I moaned into his mouth. I loved it when he kissed me, I really did. He kissed me deep and slow, letting us both enjoy that sweet connection. His hands glided up and down my sides expertly. His touches were gentle, his caresses soft and soothing. Never once did he turn it into anything sexual.

When he let me go at last so we could both breathe, I asked, "So, more, this isn't a relationship correct? Even though we're both seeing each other and no one else? And I'm important to you and you care about me? What is this then? I mean, what do we call it exactly? What do I call you? Not my boyfriend but--"

He trailed kisses down my jaw line. "Labels just complicate things, Bells. We're gonna take this one day at a time and see what happens. Right now, we're just.....more." He started to kiss upwards towards my right ear.

"More?"

"Yes. More," he breathed into my ear before nipping it. I lifted my head, pulled the neck of his t-shirt slightly to the side so I could start kissing the bare skin at the juncture where his shoulder met his neck. "Okay," I whispered. "Can I ask one thing?"

"Yes," he whispered right before he started to suck on my neck.

"Maybe not right now, but soon, Jake, maybe even tomorrow, I'd like us to try again."

He moved back to my mouth and kissed the corner of it. "Whenever you want, but I want it to be here. That way I can set things up the way they need to be set up." His teeth sunk into my bottom lip and tugged it towards him before releasing it and nipping my chin.

"Like condoms?" I laughed.

He laughed, too. "Like condoms,” he agreed. "Paul's were definitely too small."

I glanced towards the clock on his dresser. The glowing numbers told me it was twenty after eight.

I moved to kiss him before he could pay attention to a different area. I wanted all of his attention right then.

“It’s almost eight thirty. Why don’t we go out in a little while and come back here and....” I let him fill in the blanks, biting my lip to keep from giving him a nervous smile.

He looked unsure for a second but stroked my cheek. “Are you sure that's what you want?”

I nodded and turned to kiss his palm softly.

“Alright,” he assented. “We’ll go out for a little bit and come back and then we’ll lock ourselves away for the rest of the night.”

I nodded again and grinned. He smiled down at me and then pecked my lips. “Maybe while we’re out, we’ll have a shot or two.”

“Um, just one for me. I’m really bad when it comes to alcohol. A real lightweight.”

He chuckled. “Figures. Small girl, small tolerance for alcohol.” I slapped his shoulder and he just kept chuckling. So glad I was so amusing and entertaining. Why did they need to go play pool when they had me around?

I ran my fingers through his hair, just happy to be here like this, with him cracking jokes in between kissing me. His eyes were so dark and yet so soft at times, like they were now as they focused on me.

“Promise me one thing.”

He nodded and leaned into my right hand. “Shoot.”

“When we come back tonight and we.....come in here.....”

“Yeah?”

“Will you please turn that freaking phone off? If it rang again while we were about to.....I can’t be held responsible if it suddenly goes airborne.”

His laugh was so warm and jovial, always lighting me up inside. I loved his laugh.

“I promise, Bells. When we come back,” he leaned down until he was inches from my lips. “I’m all yours,” he huskily whispered before he sealed his promise with a heated yet sweet kiss.

........

After he had left me properly sated, while he went into the bathroom across the hall, I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I was falling asleep.

I heard him come back in and say, “Bells, the guys left already. You want to head ou--” He stopped suddenly so maybe he had noticed I was kind of out of it.

His telltale chuckle sounded and then I felt him climb in beside me. “Bells?”

“Mmmm?” I fought to open my eyes and could only get them halfway.

I felt his fingers sifting through my hair. “I thought you wanted to go out for a while?”

I could barely see him smiling at me. “You put me in a kissing coma, I think,” I mumbled before I turned on my side to face him.

I heard him laugh and smiled. “Kissing coma? First tme I’ve heard that one but okay. Would you rather stay here and get some rest?”

I covered my mouth to let out a small yawn and then snuggled up to him, more than happy to feel his hand rubbing circles on my back. “No, I do want to go out for a little while. I just need fifteen minutes. Can you wake me up again in fifteen minutes? And then we’ll go.”

“Alright, honey. I’ll wake you up in fifteen. Get some rest.”

“You’re not getting out of the sex that easily, Mister,” I mumbled against his chest as I started to drift off.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, honey. Wouldn’t dream of it.”

I smiled and he kissed the top of my head. “Sweet dreams, Bells.”

The last thing I felt was him laying his head down against mine and pulling me into him tighter.

........

You know that stage of sleep you’re in where you’re asleep but you can still hear the sounds around you? Your brain is very aware of what’s going on but when you wake up, you don’t know if it was real or just a dream unless it was verified by a source? That was the stage I was in now.

At some point, I could hear a voice coming from somewhere near me. It took me a minute but I recognized it as Jake’s.

“Yeah, I’m gonna let her sleep a little bit longer and then I’ll wake her up and we’ll meet you guys.”

Who was he talking to? And was he talking about me?

“No, fuckhead, that’s not why she fell asleep. Do you only think with that tiny dick of yours? Never mind, I don’t wanna know the answer to that.”

Okay, guess he was talking about me and he was talking to one of the guys.

“Oh, Em, I got a question for you.” Then I heard him growl. “I mean it, Em. Off limits. Don’t make me rip your balls off.” If I could have, I would’ve rolled my eyes. “That’s what I thought. Yes, I know you’re very attached to your balls, Em. Thanks. Now I got a question for you. Do you know where Little Dick hangs out around here?”

Little Dick? This had to be a dream.

“Really? And you’re sure he would be there tonight around this time? No shit. Alright, cool. Tell the guys to close up the pool game and head over there then. Because I have some shit to settle. I’ll explain when I see you, okay? Alright. I’ll see you in about an hour. Oh wait, Em? Do me a favor. Start spreading the word around that Jake Black is offcially off of the market.”

If he meant what I was hoping he did, I wished fervently that this was real. But using words like Little Dick and always talking about balls and saying he was off the market, that had to be a dream. A dream that _I_ would have, though? Then again, I had been around Jake and his friends most of the day. Maybe they had rubbed off on my subconscious.

“Meat market. Market. Whatever you wanna say, I could fucking care less, but I want the word spread. Alright? Thanks, bro. I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll text you before we leave. Alright. Later.”

I didn’t hear anything else but felt at peace when I felt a warmth at my back that spread a bit to my front. I moved to burrow myself into this heat. It felt great and I felt like nothing could get to me, no bad dreams, nothing, in this warmth. I felt safe.

........

“Bells,” I heard whispered in my ear. “Honey, time to wake up.”

I felt myself being slowly pulled from my blissful warm cocoon. I was not happy. “Mmmm?”

“It’s time to wake up, Bells.” I managed to open my eyes just a crack to find Jake smirking down at me. “You’re not the one trying to get out of the sex now, are you?”

I groaned and shut my eyes again.

“Would you rather go back to sleep, babe?” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You can if you want,” he whispered.

“No,” I mumbled. I attempted to rub my eyes grumpily.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” I yawned, covering my mouth with my hand and turning onto my back. I rubbed my eyes once more. “What time is it?”

“About a quarter after ten.”

I dropped my hand down to the bed and turned wide eyes on him. “What time?”

He stared at me in confusion. “A quarter to ten. Why, what’s the big deal?”

I slowly sat up. “I thought you were gonna wake me up in fifteen minutes,” I yawned again and ran a hand through my hair.

Jake shrugged and got to his feet. “I let you sleep a little longer. Seemed like you needed it,” he said unapologetically. He then smirked at me. “To recover from the kissing coma I put you in and all.”

I glared over at him and he laughed. “Damn, I must be that good, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, scoffed and yawned one more time. “Don't get too big of a head about it. I was falling asleep and wasn’t making sense.”

He walked over to me, smiling happily. “Uh huh.” He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back. “Still feel like going out for a while?”

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair again. “Yeah. I should freshen up though before we go.”

“I don’t know, honey, you look pretty sexy with that messy bed hair. Someone might think you and I were just, what did you call it, _otherwise engaged_?”

I weakly hit him on his side and he, as usual, laughed. I was too busy yawning to care. I stood and stretched. “Actually, I know it’ll take a little longer, but would it be okay if I went back to my place and took a shower? I really don’t want to wear these anymore and I think a shower is a good idea for.....um......for later.” I tried not to blush, I really did, but it was a lost cause.

Jake mercifully ignored it. “If you want to, babe.” He kissed my forehead. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Mind if I take a quick shower and change before we go?”

I shook my head and he kissed my forehead again. “Alright, just give me a few and I’ll be back.” He winked at me and stepped out of the room.

I yawned again. Damn, why was I so tired all of a sudden?

Well, it didn’t matter. I needed to wake myself up somehow. I stared at the door before moving toward it. I needed some fresh air or to move around or something.

I heard the shower when I stepped out into the hall. I looked left and right, rubbing my arm, wondering if I should head to the kitchen or step outside for a minute. I finally decided on the kitchen for a glass of water. I moved down towards the opening I had seen before and went inside.

Sure enough, it was a pool room like Jake had said. The sticks were laid out over the table and there were a few balls scattered throughout the spaces in between the pockets. I also saw a stereo system and a small TV in the corner. A couple of chairs were in two different corners and a rack for the pool sticks was on the wall, which obviously wasn’t being used. The room wasn’t really for decoration or entertaining; it was there for the guys to play pool and that was it. I saw it opened into the kitchen so I headed in there.

The kitchen was decently sized, bigger than I would have expected but that seemed to always be the story with this house. It seemed somewhat clean except for the sink. As expected, it was filled to the brim with dirty dishes, some spilling over. There were more empty beer bottles along the counter in what looked like an area the guys had chosen to keep them for recycling. I saw a couple of spoons, a dish and one glass in the drying board next to the sink. I figured that was my safest bet. Someone had to have washed them.

I grabbed the glass, relieved to see it was indeed clean and turned to the fridge which luckily had an ice maker and water filter. I filled my glass and drained it within a minute. As I filled it again, I took another glance around. My eyes spotted a dishwasher. They had a dishwasher but weren’t using it. Ah boys. Typical.

Before I knew it, I was rinsing the dishes off and stacking them into the empty machine. I heard a door open in the hallway and then another one open and close. I hurried, not wanting Jake to find me cleaning up. I really didn’t want to offend him by cleaning up after the slobs he called friends. Once I got more comfortable with Embry, I would have to razz him about it and tell him if he didn’t help me clean up one day when Jake wasn’t here, I would have to call the Department Of Health. I almost laughed, thinking about it.

I got everything finished but then I remembered that pan. Oh, God help me, I was not leaving that to grow roots any longer. I didn’t want some monstrous dangerous plant to bloom suddenly and turn this into the Little House of Horrors. No way that was happening.

I nearly sprinted into the living room, dodging things like I was in a professional obstacle course, and with great hesitance, picked up the pan. I made my way back and was about to put it in the sink to do some deep soaking action when Jake turned the corner and watched me with wide eyes.

“Bells, what are you doing?”

I bit my lip nervously. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Now he was going to be upset with me and insulted and I knew the mess wasn’t even his. “Um.....” I dropped my eyes to still see the pan in my hand. I lifted it, showing it to Jake. “I was gonna take a sample and send it to NASA to see if this is some form of intelligent alien life that crash landed into this thing recently?” It was a stupid joke, I knew it, but I couldn’t think of anything else. Maybe he wouldn’t be so offended?

He snorted and leaned against the doorway. “Yeah, that’s Quil’s cheap attempt at a house plant.” He shook his head and then leaned off of the wall, walking towards me. He kissed my forehead, gently took the pan out of my hands and placed it in the sink. “You don’t need to clean up, Bells. It’s their mess, let them clean it up.”

He turned the hot water on, throwing a quarter of the bottle of dish detergent in it, let it foam to the top and then turned it off. He grabbed my hand and started to pull me out of the room. “Thank you, though.” He gave me a warm smile and I smiled back, relieved he wasn’t mad. Then and only then, did I notice his attire.

He had changed into a long sleeve black button down shirt with dark jeans. I smiled wider in appreciation. “You look great, Jake,” I complimented.

“Thanks, honey.” He winked at me and pulled me out of the kitchen.

.......

It wasn’t until around 11:30 that I was set to go. I had showered, changed into some jeans and a purple sweater that Jess swore showed off all my assets though she threatened that one of these days she’d make me buy something more daring. I did my hair and gave myself some waves and applied some light make-up, which for me just meant some mascara. I slipped on some shoes and I was done.

I stared at my reflection. It was almost hard to believe that after tonight, I wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. It's what I had wanted, what I had discussed with Jake last night, and now knew was going to happen later on without a doubt. Yet, somehow now, the reality was hitting me.

My cheeks began to flush when I thought of how Jake promised he would make sure we wouldn’t be interrupted this time.

At the thought of Jake, I smiled. Hard to believe that everything had changed so quickly since last night. But, this was for real. And shockingly, I wasn’t nervous. I mean, a little first time jitters, sure, but nothing like I had felt the other time I had thought I was ready or even last night. Now, I just felt....confident about it. Like an acceptable fact. Jake and I were going to come back here later and have sex. Like it was something as simple as saying I was going to take a shower before bed. It was just natural without any feeling of hesitation. I just knew this was right and a surprising conviction that this was the way things were supposed to be. So, yes, I felt confident.

I took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and walked over to my night table. I opened my drawer and stared down at the wooden carving. I hadn’t been without it ever. There wasn’t one night that passed that I didn’t have that wolf next to me. Due to my night terrors, I had never slept over someone else’s house or joined in any sleepovers growing up. Just my mom’s, my dad’s, the hotel Charlie and I would stay at those two weeks in the summer, and here, my dorm room. And the wolf would have its own spot in each and every place.

I reached down and stroked my fingers over the smooth wood. Tonight, I wouldn’t need it. I would have Jake with me and that was the whole point, wasn’t it? The wolf made me feel safe because it connected me to thoughts of Jake and feeling safe with him. Granted, it was usually the eleven year old version of Jake along with the seven year old version of myself that I always remembered but still, it was all the same.

I was about to close my drawer, leaving the wolf behind, when a thought hit me. What if I had a nightmare tonight? Even with Jake there, I wouldn’t be in my own bed, in a place that was familiar to me. What if Jake, despite being My Jake in the flesh, couldn’t calm me down right away? I had fallen asleep in his bed before but that had merely been a catnap. Tonight would be different.

I sighed and picked up the wolf, slipping it into my bag before walking out into the living room to where Jake sat, watching TV.

Better safe than sorry.

When he glanced up at me, his eyes seemed to darken. “Wow, you look beautiful, Bells.”

I blushed and bit my lip, fully embarrassed. “Thank you.”

Jake nodded, turned the TV off and stood up, never taking his eyes off of me. He smiled and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me. “Got everything you needed?”

I nodded once. “Yeah.”

He smiled wider and kissed me one more time before taking my hand and leading us towards the door. “Let’s head out then and meet up with the guys.”

Once we stepped out and I had locked the door, I moved his hand to the other side of my waist, wrapping his arm around me and I did the same to him with my right arm. He smirked down at me and kissed me one more time.

I smiled up at him and he kissed my temple. “Let’s go, sexy.” He then moved us towards the elevator, us wrapped around each other and seemingly happy to be together at that moment. When the doors opened and we stepped inside, he barely allowed the doors to close before he was attacking me with a passionate kiss. I dropped my makeshift overnight bag and my purse to the ground, throwing my arms around his neck, and was more than happy to accommodate him as he pushed me into the wall.

“Tomorrow we’re coming back here to get you some more clothes. You’re spending the week with me,” he panted.

“Jake,” I moaned as he leaned in to kiss my neck. “I can’t spend the week. You have to work and what will I tell Jess?”

He worked his way back up to my mouth. “I could care less what you tell her. And yeah, I gotta work but you can hang at the house while I do or I can give you the car so you can go out as long as you don’t mind dropping me off and picking me up at the end of the day.”

“Jake, what if the guys don’t want me there? Like Quil? It’s their house, too. I don’t want to cause any issues.”

Jake pulled back to stare at me. “Listen up, Bells. Em likes you, a little too much if you ask me. Jared’s a good guy, I don’t think he’s gonna care. Neither will Paul. And Quil, well, he owes me. Sort of.”

“Owes you?”

Jake smirked at me. “Well, let’s just say that last night I had to drive a strange woman’s car back to the house last night while she and Quil were in the back. Some girl neither of us met before. He met her in the bar and they were both trashed and well, they didn’t want to wait until they got to his room.”

Understanding slowly seeped into my brain. My face screwed up in disgust. “Oh, gross.”

Jake laughed and pecked my forehead before reaching down to pick up my bags as the elevator began to slow. “If anyone should have the title of express, it should be him. He’s a three pump chump, literally.” He handed me my purse and held onto the backpack I had thrown all my essentials in.

I grimaced. “That’s….wow.”

He snorted and took my hand as we walked off of the elevator and out to the parking lot. “The best was when he practically hung over the front seat and asked me if I had a condom on me.”

“Nice.”

“I asked him why he didn’t have one and he just gave me this big smile and told me had already used it.”

I rolled my eyes and got into the car as Jake held the door open for me. “Charming.”

Jake shook his head, chuckling, getting into the driver’s side. “Yeah. It was fun to hear Quil making all those high-pitched sounds and her with her nonstop screaming. Thank God it was her car and not mine. And that we only had ten more minutes to go and like I said, Quil didn’t last that long.” He shrugged as he drove.

“So you gave him the condom then?”

He shrugged again. “Yeah, it’s not like I was gonna use it. I didn’t want Quil to knock up some poor girl or give her something just because he couldn’t keep it in his pants for five minutes. Quil doesn’t always hook up with the best chicks. I could always get more for next time, if need be.”

So that was what happened to the condom in his wallet. I felt myself encased in even more relief.

“So, like I said, Quil owes me.” He looked at me and took my hand. “Big time.”

I smiled and leaned over as best I could to kiss his cheek. “You’re quite a guy, Jacob Black.”

He laughed and when we were stopped at a traffic light, he pulled me to him and kissed me. “Why, because I helped Quil get laid?”

I shook my head and smiled, kissing him again. “No. Because you’re you. You may try to act like you care less but deep down inside you, you have a good heart.”

He snorted. “Bells, I appreciate the compliment but trust me, I’m far from being a good guy.”

The light turned green so he began driving again.

I intertwined our fingers and squeezed his hand. “I disagree,” I whispered but he didn’t respond or make any indication that he had heard me.

A few minutes later, he squeezed my hand back. “Everything’ll be fine, Bells. Quil would be stupid to say anything to you or make you uncomfortable in any way. He gets it now. So,” He brought his eyes to mine. “Stay with me this week?”

I considered it for a minute and then nodded my acquiescence. He grinned happily and kissed my hand. I smiled back and then laid my head on his upper arm as best I could from my seat.

I felt like nothing could go wrong right now. This was going to be the perfect night, I could feel it. And sleeping next to him every night for the next seven days? That made me ridiculously happy.

Until a thought popped into my head.

“Oh no,” I said, not thinking before I had let it escape.

“What’s wrong, Bells?” Jake sounded worried.

“I forgot to grab my cleaning supplies.” I pouted, annoyed with myself for forgetting them and now vocalizing it like a rude, insensitive idiot.

But, I was pleasantly surprised when Jake started hysterically laughing. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me into him. “Bells, you’re too much. Don’t worry about it.” He then whispered huskily, “I don’t think you’re gonna have much time to even think about cleaning. Unless it’s in the shower.”

I shivered. That definitely sounded like a good plan to me.


	8. You Make Me Feel Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

When we parked, I turned to Jake, very confused. “This is a pool hall?”

He shook his head. “Nah, the guys decided to meet us here instead. There wasn’t a lot of action going on at the other place. A lot of the locals and college kids come and hang around here.”

He started to open his door when I grabbed his arm. “Wait, Jake, I don’t have a fake ID. Jess sometimes lets me borrow hers but I didn’t think to grab one out of her room.”

He took my hand in his and smirked. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ve got it covered.” He kissed my hand and then let me go as he got out of the car. I did the same and walked towards him. I didn’t know how he planned to fool anyone that I was over 21 but I trusted him and if he said he had it covered, he had it covered.

Jake took my hand once more and led us to the bar entrace where a bouncer was standing, checking people at the door. I immediately tensed up, nervous, but Jake put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. “Relax, Bells,” he whispered right before the bouncer turned to look at us.

Jake nodded in greeting. “Hey, John. How's it going?”

John nodded back at him. “Hey, J. Your boys are already inside.”

Jake nodded again. “Thanks, man. We’ll see you later.”

John nodded without saying anything and focused on the people coming in behind us. Jake led me inside to where the music was playing and the first thing I noticed was that it was packed. I thought most kids had left already for the holidays but then again, Jake did say that townspeople came here, too. And it was a Saturday night.

Jake pulled me in as close as possible as he walked around the bar to find a set of pool tables all the way in the back, where the guys obviously were. On the right side of the path we were walking, there was an open room that was darker than the rest of the bar and people were dancing to the music the DJ was blasting out.

We walked up to find Embry, Jared and Quil playing against two other guys. Paul and Jess were nowhere to be found. Embry smirked at us and walked over, his pool stick in his hand. “Well, if it isn’t the two lovebirds. Taking a break from doing it like bunnies all over the house?”

I blushed and Jake glared at him. “Cut the shit, Em.”

Embry rolled his eyes. “Come on, man, I’m just busting on you. You know that. Relax. Bella, where’s my hug?” He leaned the pool stick against him and held out his arms.

I glared at him but left Jake to give him a quick one. “Hey, Embry.” Embry smiled at me when I pulled away. “Damn, Bella, you look sexy. You didn’t have to doll yourself up for me, though. Those clothes will have to come off eventually.”

I scoffed and hit his chest. “Embry, thank you for the compliment but my clothes are staying on, thank you very much.” Two seconds later, I was back in Jake’s arms. I had learned my lesson from earlier.

Embry winked over at me. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

I felt Jake tense and I immediately wrapped my arms around his torso. “Em, if you’re done hitting on my girl and trying to piss me the fuck off, then why don’t you make yourself useful and tell me if who I was looking for is here tonight?”

Embry shook his head. “Man, Jake, you gotta loosen up. Isn’t that what she’s around for?” He gestured towards me, smirking. I scoffed and looked away. I knew Embry was just joking around but it seemed like he wanted Jake to take his head off. Well, I wouldn’t stop him.

“Em,” Jake growled.

“Okay, okay. Jesus, it’s just a joke. Yeah, the dickhead’s here. He’s playing against us with those two dumb fucks over there.” He gestured towards the two guys conversing with Quil about something. They looked like they were from La Push as well.

“’Kay, I’m gonna take Bella and grab some drinks. Finish up the game and kick 'em to another table. We’ll be back in five.”

“You suck, Jake. I'm 150 up and now you're gonna make me throw the game?"

Jake shrugged, not caring one bit. "Unless you got some super strategy to clean up and collect in the next five minutes, yeah, then you're gonna have to throw the game. I want them at a different table by the time I get back, got it?"

Embry rolled his eyes and sighed in aggravation. "Got it. Oh, hey, Bella. I’m not sure they serve Virgin Bloody Marys here but you should definitely ask.” He winked at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. “Seriously, Embry? That’s the best you got?”

He shrugged. “I try. But, don’t worry, I’m cooking up some more.” He tapped his temple with his finger, winked again and went back to the guys.

“Just give me the word, honey, and he'll be limping the rest of the week,” Jake whispered into my ear.

I smiled up at him. “Maybe not just yet.”

He kissed me and then led us over to the bar. He held me close to him as he manuevered us into a tiny spot at the bar. The bartender noticed him and immediately asked what we were having. Jake ordered a beer and then a shot of tequila. He turned to me and I shrugged. "Can I just have a Coke please?"

He smirked but gave the bartender my order. Two minutes later, we had our drinks. Jake tapped my Coke glass with his bottle. "To your health, Bells," before he took a swig. Then he held out the shot glass to me. "Bottoms up."

I frowned at it. "So soon?"

He nodded and sipped his beer.

I took it hesitantly and then looked over at him. "Where's yours?"

"Not gonna join you just yet. Soon, though. I still gotta drive, Bells." I nodded, he was right. Good thinking. Especially, since one of these was bound to make me just a little bit off balance for the rest of the night.

I stared at the shot glass full of golden amberish color liquid with great reluctance.

"Just knock it back, Bells." Jake was smirking at me. I took a breath and did as he said, immediately hating the strong foul taste that coated my mouth. My face contorted itself into every expression imaginable to indicate my disgust as Jake watched on with great amusement. I couldn't help but cough as I placed the empty shot glass back on the bar and grabbed my coke. I sucked down half of that puppy in seconds and still, I could not get the taste out of my mouth. I momentarily wondered if it would be bad form to start wiping my tongue off with my sleeve in public.

"Here," Jake handed me his beer. "It'll help."

I accepted it gratefully and took a couple of sips. He was right. While I still felt that burn reaching down to the pit of my stomach, the beer helped with any aftertaste. I handed him back the bottle and returned to my coke. Jake ordered another one, seeing as I was about to finish the first one in three seconds. When the bartender handed it over, Jake slapped a twenty down on the bar. "Keep the change." The bartender nodded his thanks, grabbing the money and heading over to the register in the corner. Jake handed me my coke and he then steered me out of the throng of people surrounding us, waiting to get their drinks as well.

Jake kissed the side of my head. "How do you feel, honey?"

I shrugged as he led us back towards the pool tables. "I'm okay."

He smiled down at me. "Good." We rejoined the guys and I plopped myself down onto a seat at one of the high tables facing them. Jake placed his beer next to me and then leaned in to whisper in my ear. "I'm gonna join the guys for a game. You gonna be okay?" I nodded and he smiled wider, cupping my cheek and kissing me tenderly. Before he moved away, I grabbed him and pulled him in for one more kiss, laying my hands on both of his cheeks. "Go kick some ass," I encouraged.

He laughed and kissed me again. "That's my girl." He then headed a few feet over to the guys. After a minute or two, they worked out who was on whose team and were about to begin when Embry jogged over to me. "I'm gonna grab some more beers for the guys. You want anything?"

I smiled at him and held up my coke. "I'm okay but thanks."

He arched a brow at me. "What are you drinking there?"

I shrugged and took a sip. "Just a coke. But, I'm good, Embry. Thank you for asking."

He grinned at me. "Just a coke, huh? Alright, I'll grab you another for when you're done with that one." He gave me a mock salute and left before I had a chance to protest and tell him it wasn't necessary.

Well, at least I wouldn't have to fight my way to the bar for some time now. That was a plus.

My eyes settled on Jake who was laughing and shoving Jared's shoulder playfully. Quil was saying something that was cracking all of them up. I was glad to see that that friendship was back to normal. As much as they had pissed me off last night with their crude commentary, now having spent some time with them and some more with Jake, I really didn't want him to be at odds with them. Especially, over me.

Embry returned a few minutes later and sat a coke down in front of me. "One Roman Coke for the beautiful lady."

My jaw dropped. "Roman Coke? Oh no, Embry, I can't drink this. I'll be wasted before I even finish it."

Embry snorted. "Bella, it's just a Roman Coke, not a bottle of Jack Daniel's. It's not gonna hit you that fast."

I looked at him with pure disbelief. "Are you sure? I'm a real lightweight, Embry. I don't normally drink."

Embry nodded. "Definitely. All the lightweights order this drink. You'll be fine. Come on, live a little, woman. We're here to have fun." He winked at me and disappeared, handing the other guys their refills.

I eyed the new glass in front of me warily and bit my lip. I wasn't quite sure whether I should drink it or not. I'd never had it before but I wasn't kidding when I professed to Jake and Embry my inability to hold my liquor. I had a few messy and crazy experiences in the past that helped me to learn that. Hence, I became Jess' designated driver and didn't mind one bit. Alcohol and I just weren't friends.

But then I remembered Jake had said he would drive tonight and one Roman Coke couldn't really get me drunk, could it?

I glanced over to find Jake taking his shot, breaking. No balls went in and Embry laughed, clapping Jake on the shoulder. Jake rolled his eyes and stepped back, allowing Embry the room to take his turn. Before I knew it, Jake was in front of me, smirking. "Em get that for you?" He nodded towards the full glass I was still debating over.

"Yeah. Roman coke apparently."

Jake's smirk started to fade into confusion. "You like them?"

I shook my head. "Never had one. I was just gonna stick to Coke but Embry brought this back and said it should be fine. He said all lightweights drink it and they're always alright but I've never had it before." I shrugged and continued to sip my soda.

Jake grabbed the spiked drink. "Alright if I take a sip?"

I nodded. Jake took a small sip and then placed the glass back down. "Yeah, there's only a few drops of Coke in there. You'd just be drinking straight rum. Lightweight drink, my ass." He turned and glared over at Embry. "You fucking asshole!" He called out. "Are you trying to get her wasted the first ten minutes we're here? What the fuck, Em?"

Embry smirked, shrugging nonchalantly, winked in my direction, and then focused his attention on the shot Quil was taking. He clearly wasn't fazed by Jake's anger.

Jake sighed, aggravated, and I put my arms around him, pulling him back into me. "It's fine. I'm not gonna drink it. I can still feel the tequila from before anyway," I whispered into his ear.

"I don't know, Bells. Seems I gotta keep an eye on the prick." He turned around in my arms, smirking down at me. "I think he's trying to get you to ride that express he keeps talking about."

I snorted and pulled him closer. "Please. You heard me before. I can't stand small rides." He chuckled and so did I before leaning in and kissing him. He deepened the kiss and I moaned into his mouth. He took that as the greenlight to kick it up a notch and placed his hand on my back, pushing me tighter into him. I stuck my hands in his hair and gripped it tight. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him. I felt his hands glide lower and grip my backside, squeezing.

I moved back, pulling back further every time he tried to continue kissing me, giggling. I was having way too much fun teasing him. He gave me the most adorable pout and I was just about to reward him when a voice stopped me cold.

"Bella?"

I nearly shut my eyes in that infamous 'oh shit' moment but instead a sheepish smile formed on my face as I turned to our latest cause for interruption. "Hey, Brady." I gave him a little wave. Jake just glared in his direction.

Brady didn't respond. He seemed to still be frozen in shock. I glanced at Jake in embarrassment and whispered, "Um, do you mind letting me down?"

His face didn't change but he nodded, placing me on my feet gently. Brady watched every move and still continued to gape at us. I bit my lip nervously and looked up at Jake, unsure of how to respond in this situation.

Jake's gaze was still trained on Brady. "What the fuck are you looking at, Fuller?" He growled out.

Brady seemed to snap to attention at that. He shook his head, as if to clear the memory of what he had just seen. "Sorry, Jake. I'm just.....Bella......wow.....I mean.....Colin," He gestured behind him with his thumb. "And......wow.......just fucking wow........I can't believe.....I mean, Colin always made it sound.......just fucking wow." He laughed and gave me a depraved smile. "I always knew you had it in you, Bella. You were always a bit hot to trot, weren't you?"

I glared over at him and before Jake could move, I placed my hand on his chest, stopping him. "Brady. What on earth are you going on about?"

"I mean, you and Jake. Just wow. I would've never pegged him to be a guy you'd hook up with. You always played the shy schoolgirl with Colin but man, you had a wild side, didn't you? I knew it!"

Jake tried to move one more time but again, I stopped him. "Brady, shut up. I meant what do you mean what Colin always made it sound like?"

"Yeah, Fuller, what the fuck are you on about?" I winced at the edge in Jake's voice. He was angry and if it wasn't for me, I believed Brady would be one with the floor right about now.

Brady seemed to sober up a bit, obviously realizing he had pissed Jake off and that that wasn't the smartest move on his part. "Nothing really. Colin just always made it sound like you were holding out on him or something, like you had a cast iron lock on your panties. But if you're banging Jake then--"

Jake pushed past me and I grabbed his arm, stopping his movement. "Watch your fucking mouth!"

Brady narrowed his eyes. "What's your problem, man?"

"His problem is that you're talking direspectfully about his girl," Embry said coming from behind us and moving to stand next to Jake. "Fuck, Fuller, I know you're not bright but I would have thought even you would know not to piss him off or mess with his girl like that." Embry jerked a thumb towards Jake, who practically had smoke coming out of his ears. I was glad Embry was there. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold Jake back.

Brady's eyes widened again. "His girl?"

Embry sighed loudly, rolling his eyes, and then leaning against his pool stick, smirking over at Brady. "Yep, his girl. If I were you, I'd show some respect. That little girl," He gestured towards me. "Is the only thing keeping him from rearranging your face right now."

"Apologize to her!" Jake yelled. I flinched. He was shaking in rage underneath my fingers. I needed to do something and I needed to do something fast.

I did the only thing I could think of.

I cupped his cheek gently and attempted to turn him to look at me. He resisted, still staring Brady down, but eventually gave me what I wanted. I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him. When I felt him begin to relax slightly under my ministrations, I wrapped my arms around his neck and waited until he met my eyes. "It's not important, Jake. Brady was always kind of a pervert," I said quietly. "That's just how he is. Don't pay attention to him. I only want you paying attention to me." I gave him a playful smile and he let out a breath.

"He shouldn't say shit like that about you."

I shrugged. "I don't really care what he says or what anyone thinks. The only thing I care about is what _you_ think."

"You know I think--"

"Jake, man. Time to put your game face on. While you were two were having your little lovey dovey moment, Brady went and said something to Littlesea. Littlesea looks like he's more than a little pissed."

Jake smirked over at Embry. "Let the little fucker come over here. It'll save me the trouble of tracking him down later."

I looked over and sure enough, I saw Colin, Brady and another friend of his watching us. Colin was glaring while Brady was pointing.

"Want me to get the boys?"

"Nah, not yet. You and me should be able to take those three fuckers easy."

I grabbed Jake's face and forced him to look at me again. "Jake, I want to leave."

Jake smiled at me. "Don't worry, honey. Let me just take care of business and then we'll go, okay?"

I shook my head. I didn't want any kind of fight to happen between the two groups. I didn't want any of Jake's or Colin's friends hurt on my account and I certainly didn't want Jake or Colin to get hurt.

I suddenly wished fervently I hadn't suggested for us to come out tonight.

I gave Jake my best serious expression and spoke in the tone that conveyed I meant business. "Jake, I don't want this happening. You promised me you would leave him alone and that you wouldn't touch him. Are you really going to break your promise to me before us being _more_ hits the twenty four hour mark?"

He glared down at me and I glared right back at him. "So, what am I supposed to do, Bells? Let that asshole talk shit about you like that? Did you hear Fuller? He's going around saying shit about you! Am I just supposed to let that slide?"

I nodded once. "Yes."

He looked at me in disbelief. "What the fuck for?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

"Bella--"

"Don't think I don't know you didn't plan to run into them, Jacob Black. I thought I was dreaming before when I heard you ask Embry where 'Little Dick' hangs out but Brady being in the same place as us with Colin in tow? One hell of a coincidence, don't you think?"

"Bella, he fucking treated you like shit. And he's still doing it. You can't ask me to ignore it!"

"I'm not asking." I crossed my arms. "You have a choice: you spend your time with me tonight or with Colin probably in a jail cell. Who's it going to be?" _Please pick me._

He sighed angrily and stared at me. Embry watched us both quietly, obviously deciding it was best he remained quiet for once. Seeing as if he interfered right now that we would both bite his head off, I thought it was a wise decision.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll walk away right now like you want and go back to the game with the guys. But if that cocksucker approaches me or you, I'm gonna handle things _my_ way."

The fact that he even thought he was in a position to strike a deal pissed me off. Not only did he not have the decency to look ashamed that I had caught him red-handed in planning this run-in, but it seemed he wanted to stick around and still fight. I knew Colin, if Colin was really angry (though he had no right to be), he would confront Jake and I. There was no getting around it.

I snorted and walked past Jake. I grabbed my bag and turned to leave. I cared about Jake but I had no patience for this male bravado testosterone showdown. I was getting out of there before legs were lifted and I was peed on.

"Bells...."

I ignored him and kept walking.

"Bells, wait---"

"Hang on a sec, Jake. Let me talk to her."

I rolled my eyes and continued passing the very crowded bar.

A hand gripped my arm and I turned to unleash holy hell on Jake but it was Embry.

He let me go and looked at me pleadingly. "Bella, Jake's not trying to piss you off. He doesn't mean any harm. He's just looking out for you, you know that."

I sighed in agitation but didn't say anything. Embry took that as a sign to continue.

"Listen, Bella. I gotta tell you, I've never seen Jake get crazy for any girl the way he is for you. He doesn't care about the girls he hooks up with. He doesn't ever ask them to come hang with us for the day. He doesn't bring them back to the house, he doesn't go hang at their places, he doesn't hold their hands, drive them around or hang all over them the way he does you. He's only ever had one serious girlfrend and that was back in La Push. And even then I don't think he was that crazy about her. Actually, I know he wasn't. A real fucking whackjob if you ask me."

I bit my lip in thought, staring at the ground and waiting for him to finish. I made a mental note to ask Jake about that another time.

"Look, I get why you're pissed and you have every right to be. But you should know he only wanted to look out for you when it came to Littlesea. That shit Fuller said was just the icing on the Overprotective Jake cake."

"I know but Embry--

"Yes, he's acting like a dick but he's only doing it because of how he feels about you." He took a deep breath. "The guy needs work. That's obvious. But, Bella, don't give up on him just yet. You mean a lot to him and you guys kind of just met up again last night. Don't let a little shit like Colin or Brady or any of those little shits get between you two."

I glanced towards the back where Jake still was. I saw him in the chair I had been in before, his head down, staring at the floor, his hand frantically running through his hair, with the guys standing around him, trying to talk to him. The sight broke my heart. Maybe I was being too hard on him.

I sighed and met Embry's eyes again. "I'll talk to him."

Embry nodded and waited for me before walking beside me back to the guys. They saw us approaching and cleared out, giving us some space. I walked over to Jake and put my hands on his head, forcing him to look up at me. His eyes widened and he hopped off the chair rapidly. "Bells! I'm so sorry. I lost my head for a second. I didn't mean--"

I lifted my fingers to his lips to silence him. I then wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned up to hug him. I sighed and whispered into his ear. "Sorry."

"Why are _you_ sorry, Bells?" His arms held me tightly to him. "I was the one being a prick."

I shook my head against him. "No, you weren't. I just......" I sighed again. "I just want things to be okay. I don't want our night ruined."

His hand petted the back of my head affectionately. "It's not ruined, honey. And those fuckers couldn't ruin it if they tried."

"Can we just.....I don't know, forget they're here and just....maybe you could finish up the game and then we'll go back home?"

He pulled back and smirked down at me. "Calling it 'home' already, Bells?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

He smirked wider. "You want me to forfeit the game so we can get out of here?"

"Embry's on your team, isn't he? That would be his third loss today, wouldn't it? On account of me. He's gonna ban me from the house, you know that, right?"

He snorted and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, turning us to walk towards the pool table. "Not if he knows what's good for him."

Embry wiggled an eyebrow at me as we came within earshot. "Talking about me, Bella? Again? Man, just get over here and jump my bones already."

Before Jake could respond or react in any way, I laughed. "Embry, I thought we discussed this. You must be this big to ride me." I gestured towards Jake and then smirked. "And based on what I've already seen, you don't make the cut."

All the guys cracked up, including Embry who took it in stride like the good sport he was.

"I don't know, Bella." Embry shook his head. "I think someday you'll realize just how much you want me. And by then, some other gorgeous chick will have already snatched me up."

I rolled my eyes and laid my head against Jake's chest. "Woe will be me, I suppose. But in the meantime, I'm quite happy where I am at the moment." I glanced up, smiling and Jake grinned down at me.

"Jake, man, don't even think of running out on me. You made me throw the last game, I'm not throwing this one," Embry grumbled.

I nodded at Jake and he sighed. He squeezed me before releasing me and grabbing a stool. He set it down right near the pool table and sat, pulling me into his lap.

"Don't get too comfortable, Jake. Your shot's coming up."

Jake snorted again. "You're lucky I'm even staying, Em." He laid me back against his chest and placed his chin on my shoulder, watching the game without any interest. I rubbed his arms gently, closing my eyes and laying my head against his, enjoying the moment and loving being in his arms.

I thought back to everything Embry had said a few minutes prior about Jake. He had basically reiterated everything Jake had told me earlier, back at the house. However, I couldn't help but wonder about this ex-girlfriend of his. Embry had said she was with Jake back in his La Push days and that apparently, Jake wasn't as thrilled by her than Embry had been.

I imagined this "whackjob" hurting Jake the way Colin and Edward had hurt me. The very idea of it made my insides burn. If she were here and I was here with Jake, I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't hold onto him possessively, showing her just exactly what she had carelessly thrown away and I had been lucky enough to find. I couldn't promise that I wouldn't want to make her hurt for making Jake hurt, that I wouldn't spend every second showing him just how amazing a man he was and make sure he didn't suffer the fool ever again.

Was this exactly what Jake felt? Is this why he had been so insistent on finding out who exactly had hurt me? Or staging a run-in where he could presumably play up the fact that I was very much taken? By him?

How could I hold it against him for wanting to protect me?

I could understand but still, I wished he would just keep his focus on me and not worry anymore about Colin or Brady or anyone else. I was being purely selfish and I wanted Jake all to myself tonight.

"Alright, Jake. Your turn."

Jake sighed and reluctantly helped me to my feet, getting to his own, and smirked down at me. "Keep the seat warm for me?"

I chuckled. "Of course." He grinned and kissed me before going to take his turn. I watched him bend over, sizing up where the balls were on the table and how to maneuver his shot to get them into the pockets. It hit me then that I no longer had my drink. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed my two cokes were still sitting there, untouched. I peeked over at Jake to find him concentrating heavily on the game. I sprung to my feet and hurried to the table we had abandoned.

Just as I was picking up the glass, the one that had the rum in it I was sure, someone appeared right in front of me.

"Hey, Bella."

My eyes widened at his audacity to approach me and I immediately wondered if Jake had seen this. "Colin?"

Colin, my darling ex-boyfriend, was standing in front of me. I hadn't spoken to him since I had walked in on his tutoring session that one night. And truthfully, I had no real desire to speak to him now.

"Hey," he said, smiling sheepishly and rubbing the back of his neck. "Been a while, huh?"

I shrugged and took a sip of my drink, sneaking a peek over at Jake as expected, I saw the darkness and restrained anger there. I needed to get away from Colin and fast. As much as I knew some part of me might enjoy seeing Colin meet the wall head on, I didn't want him or Jake or anyone else to get hurt. "Yeah, I guess." I was hoping he would take the hint.

He chuckled. "Yeah. How have you been?" Okay, I guess he wasn't getting the hint. Or maybe he was willfully ignoring it. Either way, I wouldn't be surprised if Jake stormed over here within a matter of seconds. Embry was talking to him with his hand on his shoulder but whatever he was saying was just barely keeping Jake there, that much was obvious.

I shrugged again. "Alright. And yourself?"

His smile faded slowly and he looked away, back towards his friends, I assumed them to be. "Eh, I've been better."

I glared in his direction. "Didn't pass that history exam, did you?" I asked. I knew it was malicious and a low blow but I wasn't feeling too kindly. I still remembered all the nights I had cried, the pain and vulnerability I had felt in discovering his infidelity while I had been planning on sharing a very special night with him.

His eyes snapped back to mine, slightly wider than before. When he realized what I meant, he sighed and dropped his gaze to the table. "Bella...."

I rolled my eyes and took another swig of what had become my new best friend. "Don't even."

His eyes landed on me again and he actually looked ashamed. "I swear, that shit.....I never meant to hurt you like that. I wasn't thinking. She was throwing herself at me and....I was weak, I admit it. I was thinking about you and how I was gonna see you afterwards. I missed you, I did, and then I just lost my fucking head. I swear, I never meant for that to happen."

I looked at him sympathetically. "Yes, yes, I can see you never meant for it to happen. To get caught, you dumbass!"

Alcohol and my anger with Colin were not the best mix. Colin had always riled me up and had been the only one who got me so pissed I would drop F bombs and hurl curses at him that would make a truck driver embarrassed. And he would yell just as loudly back at me, throwing everything I had tossed at him right back. How we ever made up after those or kept dating, I wasn't quite sure. Maybe I was insane. I know he was.

"That's not true, Bella," he gave me those infamous pleading eyes. "Jesus, can't you see how much you fucking meant to me? I fucking loved you, Bella! Still do," he finished quietly.

That hurt. How dare he tell me something like that, now of all times?

"Don't even say that, Colin. You have no right to say that! If you loved me so much, why the hell did you date her afterwards and walk all around campus with her for me to see? Why?"

"Because I wanted you back," he cried in exasperation. "I thought maybe you'd get so mad you'd finally yell at me like I knew you wanted to, take my calls, throw things at me, something. I just wanted you to dish out whatever I deserved and we could move past it. Don't you think I know how badly I fucked up? Especially when I saw you standing there, looking as amazing as you did, seeing you devastated and crying, knowing that you were there to surprise me so we could--"

I held up a hand. "That's enough. Stop right there. I don't need the replay, thanks. God knows I lived it over and over again for weeks." I shook my head in disbelief and turned to find Jake. To my shock, he wasn't there. I began to search in earnest for him when I felt my left hand being taken. I looked down at it and found the hand belonged to Colin which made me hiss and jerk my own out of his grasp. The nerve of this.....what had Jake called him? This.....douche!

"Bella," Colin pleaded, making me glance up at him. His eyes were sad and he had his puppy dog expression on, one that he knew I couldn't resist. "Please. I know I messed up. I was a total asshole but if you think you can...." He gave me an affectionate smile, tucking some hair behind my ear before leaning in closer. "I love you, Bella. I never stopped. You're the first girl that I ever felt that way about." He covered my hand again with his and this time, I was depleted of the energy to pull it back. "I love you," he said quietly.

I felt like I was in a twilight zone. Had Colin Littlesea really just apologized to me and told me he loved me right here, right now? I wanted to punch him. "You don't love me!" I snatched my hand back and shoved him away. "If you did, you would have waited! You would have never gone behind my back with that.....that......slut!"

He came back, his eyes flashing angrily. "I do love you."

"No, you don't! If you did, you wouldn't be going around saying all kinds of nasty things about me." He opened his mouth to protest but I cut him off. "Yeah, Brady told me. If you really loved me like you say you did, you wouldn't do that. Especially, when it's you that messed things up, not me!"

"That's not true--"

"Don't even try it, Littlesea!" Our voices were picking up in volume and I was sure everyone around us was watching the dramatic scene unfold but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I was enraged that he would even have the.....balls to say something that hurtful to me. Telling me he loved me after what he did to me, what he said and what he put me through, how dare he! "I know all about you and your extracurricular activities!"

If looks could kill, I think I'd be about six feet under right then.

"What, did Black tell you that? That piece of shit? I've got news for you, Bella, he doesn't give a shit about you! You're just some fresh pussy he wants to hit and then quit! He doesn't give a fuck about you or how you feel! I do! He just wants inside your pussy!"

I slapped him hard. "Wrong, Colin! I know Jake and he does care! You on the other hand, don't! You're the one that just wanted to 'hit it and quit it' as you put it. If I hadn't caught you that night, guaranteed you would have had sex with me and then dumped me. I was such an idiot!"

He grabbed me roughly and pressed his lips to mine. I tried to push him off of me but he held on. I squirmed and pounded my fists against his chest but it didn't faze him. He pulled away, my arms gripped tightly in his hands so I couldn't hit him. "I love you, Goddammit," he panted. "I know I fucked up. I've regretted it every goddamn day. If I could go back and change it, I would. You're the one I want, Bella, no one else! Goddammit, don't you get that?!!?"

Before I could yell at him to let me go, his hands were ripped off of me and he was shoved a good distance away from me. Jake was in front of me instantaneously and Embry was right next to him. Jared was on my right side and Quil was on his other side.

"What the fuck, Black?" Colin bellowed. I looked over to find Brady and the two guys I had seen earlier at his side. I gulped, hoping a fight wasn't about to break out.

"Were you just putting your hands on my girl, Littlesea?"

Colin snorted. "Your girl?"

Jake moved closer, more menacingly. "Yeah, _my_ girl."

Colin's eyes darted behind him to me. "You're his _girl_ , now?"

"Don't fucking look at her. I'm talking to _you_. Were you just groping my girl?"

If I knew Colin and I did, and if I knew Jake, which I did somewhat and was learning more and more about him each minute I was around him, I knew I needed to intervene fast. I wrapped my arms around Jake's waist from behind and kissed the back of his right shoulder. "Jake, it's fine. He's away from me now. Let's just go back to the pool table so you guys can finish up your game. Come on," I leaned up and whispered into his ear.

Jake shook his head and kept glaring over at Colin. "This fucker needs to learn to keep his hands off of you and what the consequences will be if he ever fucking tries that shit again. You're with me now. And he needs to know that."

Colin scoffed. "She's with you now? Bella, you can fucking hate me all you want, punish me as much as you want. You don't even have to talk to me again if you don't want to, but for fuck's sake, please listen to me. You're nothing more than some new pussy to him! He doesn't give a fuck about you! I do and I'm telling you he's gonna fuck you over!"

I hadn't even realized what happened until it already had. Jake had ripped himself out of my grip and rushed forward, socking Colin in the jaw. Embry grabbed Jake and pulled him back just as Colin's friends and Brady hurtled forward. "Easy, easy. This isn't the place, Jake."

"Don't you ever fucking talk about her like that, ever again! You got me, Littlesea?"

Colin raised tight eyes to me in pain, ignoring Jake and everyone else completely. "Don't do this, Bella. I'm telling you, he's gonna ruin you."

I saw red and marched forward, ignoring Jake's attempts to hold me back and Embry's warnings. "Wrong, Colin. You fucking ruined me! Jake will never hurt me the way you did, the way you still are even now! I know Jake and he would never do what you've done. I would blow him and let him fuck me three ways from Sunday until doomsday before I would ever think to let you touch me EVER AGAIN!"

I spun on my heel in a huff and grabbed Jake's hand, ignoring his shocked yet still angry expression. "Let's go," I commanded. I pulled him behind me only to be met with John, the bouncer from outside.

"Everything okay in here, Jake?"

I cut Jake off before he could respond. "Everything's great, John. We were just leaving." I continued past the man, tugging Jake behind me, ignoring everyone's stares as we left the bar. I didn't stop pulling him until we reached his car. "Let's go," I hissed as I walked over to the passenger side. He unlocked the car and I jumped in. I waited until he was inside before looking over at him.

"Bells, about what he said, you're not--"

I cut him off, kissing him hard. "I know that, I don't care what he said. I don't care about him period. Just take me home."

His face fell. "Take you home?"

"Yes," I leaned in and nipped at his neck. "Your place. Your home. Take me there." I licked the spot I had just marked. "Now."

He started the car up and groaned as I suckled his skin. The amount of alcohol I had consumed in that short amount of time was clouding my brain, short circuiting any inhibitions I would have normally had. He could have laid me down in the back and taken me there and I wouldn't have objected. I just needed him inside me. My libido demanded it.

While he drove, I rubbed the growing bulge in his pants, squeezing here and there. “You’re so hot when you’re angry,” he breathed. I smirked and tasted him everywhere I could, making sure to nip in certain places. When he could, he would rub me through my jeans, exciting me more and more. By the time he pulled into the driveway, I was in his lap and riding him as best I could.

"You really want this?" He panted as I bit into his ear lobe.

"Yes," I breathed into his ear. "I want you. Right now."

Somehow we made it out of the car on his side and he picked me up, walking us to the front door before depositing me on my feet so he could unlock it. I continued to rub him as he did.

We stumbled into the house and Jake barely got the front door closed before I was back on him. I slipped my hands underneath his jacket and immediately peeled it off of him. I did the same to mine and then stuck my hands underneath the hem of his shirt, my fingertips grazing the edges of his jeans and boxers.

He groaned into my mouth and reached his hands down, squeezing my ass and pulling me up against him at the same time. I lifted my right leg and wrapped it around his hip, trying my best to grind into him. He picked me up and nearly slammed me into the wall. My fingers tangled in his hair and I pulled, making him groan again as his tongue fought mine savagely for dominance. He cupped me from behind and proceeded to rub me. I broke away, breathing harshly and peered at him through my half-closed eyelids. His eyes were as dark as I had ever seen them and he was panting just as much. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him. The thought and quick flashes of the night's previous events in my mind sent my libido into complete overdrive.

I bit my lip and moaned, arching my head back against the wall. He leaned forward and started to nip at my neck, thrusting into me a few times.

"Oh, Jake," I breathed, trying to move my hips to meet his. I was so close to the edge, the edge of pure insanity and absolute abandon, that if he ripped my clothes off and fucked me up against this wall, I wouldn't object. Who needed music and candles when you were this hot for someone?

"Bells," he whispered huskily into my ear before biting down into it. "I want you so fucking bad." He then proceeded to suck on my neck. I moaned and arched my neck again. God, that felt so good.

"I......want you, too," I panted. "Don't make me wait anymore. I can't take it, Jake. I want you so much," I begged, not caring how desperate I sounded. Right now, the throbbing I felt was desperate and urgent.

He growled into my neck and then proceeded to carry me down the hallway. I moaned into his ear, encouraging him to pick up the pace, and sunk my teeth into his ear lobe, making him gasp and move faster. He practically sprinted to his bedroom door, opened it and kicked it shut with his foot. The room was dark except for the little bit of moonlight mixed with the streetlights spilling through the windows. He moved us to the bed and settled us onto it.

He sat up on his knees and I followed, helping him to take his shirt off, unbuttoning it quickly in some kind of world record, before I latched myself onto him, placing sensual kisses all down his chest. When I reached his left nipple, I bit down and he hissed, raking his nails up my back underneath my shirt. He moved me back gently and ripped the shirt over my head. He ducked down and covered my nipple with his hot mouth. As he started to suck on it heartily through the material of my black lace bra, I felt like I was definitely being driven out of my mind. Is this why some people suffered sex addictions? Because I could definitely understand the need and the desire to do this all of the time.

I reached down and made short work of the button and zipper on his jeans. I stuck my hand inside and pumped once before pulling him out. He groaned against my skin which spurred me on further. I was possessed, possessed with the need I felt burning throughout my body, the fiery thirst dominating my senses, and he was the only thing that could quench it. I couldn't get enough air, but compared to Jake, oxygen didn't seem all that important. I needed him first before anything.

I pushed him away, ignoring the grunt he made in protest and moved him until he was standing in front of me. I leaped forward before he could even think about coming back and kissed right above his groin area underneath his navel.

I slipped my hands inside his jeans, touching his delectable ass as I slid his jeans further down. When there was enough room, I lowered one hand and took hold of his sac, palming it gently.

"Fuck, Bells," he panted. His hands were in my hair and gripping it tight. My mouth traveled lower, following the path of his treasure trail but before I could get to the rainbow where the black haired road would lead me, Jake pushed me away and lifted me up to face him.

I stared at him, praying and hoping he would not stop us again. I didn't think my heart could take it, with the way it was practically beating out of my chest.

"As much as I would love to let you do what you seem very intent on doing, tonight's not about me. It's about you." He cupped my cheeks and stroked them softly. "Let me take care of you," he whispered.

The way he said it, so tenderly, endeared me even more to him. I leaned forward and kissed him as passionately as I could, letting him know how much I appreciated his thinking of me.

"Jacob," I whispered against his lips. "Tonight's about me, right?"

He nodded and kissed my nose, before honing in on my neck. "Of course it is. I want to make you feel so good, honey."

I ripped my face out of his hands and dropped to my knees on the floor, gripping his hard lengh in my hands. "Then, shut up and let me do this. This is what I want."

Before he could utter a sound in response, protest my actions or anything, I took his head into my mouth, making sure to swirl my tongue around, especially underneath along that special spot. His hips jerked but he held himself back from choking me.

The thing about drinking alcohol I found is that whenever I had it in excess, I suffered a severe case of dry mouth. I always wanted something in my mouth, be that another drink or something sweet, but tonight, I wanted Jake. And Jake, I got.

I felt a shadow of the nervousness I would have felt had I been stone cold sober, but it immediately passed when I heard his groans. I had never done this before, I had no idea what I was doing but I hoped I could please him. I wanted to make him feel as good as he just promised he would make me feel. I had never tasted a man's semen but I found myself lapping up every drop of the pre-cum that came out of him like it was water in a scorching desert.

I knew from the handjobs and fooling around with Colin how to move my hands and to make sure I played with his sac. Never before, especially tonight, did I think I would ever want to thank Colin for such experiences. But right now, if I was able to please Jake like I wanted to, I might just send him a fruit basket at work on Monday.

I tried to work him further into my mouth, wanting it filled with all of him, but I seemed to have forgotten I had a gag reflex. Luckily, I was able to move him back before I reacted in a very unfavorable way. I coughed and was about to go back in for the kill when Jake held me back, looking down at me in concern.

"Are you alright, Bells?" I nodded and he rubbed his thumb over my wet lips. "Honey, you don't have to do this. Come back up here and let me do what I've been thinking about doing to you since last night."

How it was possible that I could feel a wetness seep into my panties at his comment, I will never know. He didn't even say it in his sex voice but somehow, hearing that he had been fantasizing and thinking about me, turned me on.

I shook my head and took him into my mouth again, never taking my eyes off of his. This time I made sure not to go past the imaginary boundary line in my throat that would force me to gag. I lifted my hands to his chest and scratched my nails downwards as I sucked him a bit harder.

A moan escaped him and I started to move my head up and down. I reached around and dug my nails into his ass and pulled him more to me, coming close to the line but not going past it thankfully. He was definitely a big boy. I had been right. Colin and Edward would be ashamed of themselves if they saw him in comparison to them. Then again, maybe Edward would think he had found the holy grail of dick. Who knows? This one was all mine, though.

I banished my ridiculous and incoherent thoughts and focused on pleasuring this amazing and beautiful man in front of me to the best of my ability. I dragged my nails down his ass cheeks until I slipped my right hand underneath to fondle his sac, squeezing them intermittently.

I never thought I'd be the type of girl who would ever give a guy a blowjob, never mind like it, but I was definitely enjoying myself. While I knew I was by no means a master, I was a quick learner and rapidly became attuned to the sounds Jake made and what movements of mine caused him to thrust his hips erratically. We eventually found a rhythm that worked for both of us and every couple of minutes, I would let my hand continue to jack him off while I leaned down and took his sac into my mouth. I would suck and tongue those bad boys as much as I could, even scraping my teeth (very) gently across the skin once or twice.

Jake's fingers stayed in my hair and only a few times did he attempt to guide my movements but once I caught on quickly, he did indeed relax and enjoy what I was doing to him. His groans were sexy and a few times, when I could see he was in near ecstasy with his head arched back, I moaned in response with him in my mouth, making his breathing even faster.

I had no idea how much time had passed. I only knew that my dry mouth was definitely lessening but I couldn't seem to get enough of him. When his groans got louder and his movements became erratic, I knew he was getting close. His sac was beginning to draw tight up against his body and it was only a matter of time.

"Bells.....," he gasped. "You've......gotta stop.......ugnhhh......gonna come soon....."

I pulled him out of my mouth with a pop and stared up at him, trying to communicate my seriousness and my desire through my eyes. "I want you to." I was hungry for him.

He struggled to control his breathing and shook his head, backing away and making me whimper in frustration. He lifted me to my feet and laid his hands on my cheeks, leaning down to kiss me. "I want to be inside you when I do," he mumbled against my lips.

Within seconds, I was on my back on the bed with him hovering over me. His hand laid against my bare stomach, his nails grazing the skin softly as it traveled downwards. "You're beautiful."

I tried to lean up to kiss him but he moved away. "Uh uh, honey. You've had your fun." He popped the button on my jeans and then pulled the zipper down slowly. His smirk stoked the fire in my belly. "My turn."

He unhurriedly began to slip my jeans off, urging me to lift my hips to help him. When he tossed them over his shoulder, he softly placed his lips right above my core, giving the area a chaste kiss. "Are you sure you want this with _me_ , Bella?"

I nodded, wrapping my fingers in his hair and attempting to pull him forward. Whatever shyness I had experienced before was nowhere to be found now. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his mouth on me like I had had mine on him.

Jake held fast and lifted his head, looking up at me. "Patience, baby. Patience."

I huffed and dropped my hands. "I want you, Jake," I whined, pouting at him which only seemed to make him chuckle.

"I know, baby, but I told you I was going to take care of you first and that's what I'm gonna do." His mouth descended near my ribs and after leaving a hot trail against my skin, he placed gentle bites along my tummy and down near my bellybutton.

I huffed again and lifted my hips up, not caring when he frowned up at me. I quickly lowered my panties and threw them somewhere else. I sat up and unclasped my bra and then threw that, too. With the distance both undergarments went, I would have made Jason Vargas proud.

"I wanted to do that," Jake growled in annoyance.

I gripped his face and pulled him down with me. "And I want you inside me." I glided my tongue across his closed lips, trying to get him to open for me. "Now." I took his hand and led it to my core. My index and middle finger on my right hand covered his and helped push him in slightly to feel the wetness already gathered there.

"Fuck," Jake groaned, his voice sounding tight. "You're so wet already."

I then lifted his hand, bringing his two wet fingers to my mouth, slipping them inside and sucking them for all they were worth, his wide dark eyes watching me in surprise. I was surprised myself; never had I been that forward and I was shocked to find that the taste of my own essence didn't bother me in the slightest. I pulled his fingers out, rubbing them against my lips. "I want you." I bucked my hips up to meet his. "Now, Jake. I really don't think I can last much longer."

I knew what I needed, what my body needed, and Jake couldn't deny me any longer. It literally felt like it would kill me if he did.

"I.....I should prepare you......more....." Jake's resolve was failing him as was his voice. That was obvious.

I bit my lip and let out a breath. "Jake, I'm ready. You felt that, didn't you?" I lifted up and kissed his left eyelid. "I'm ready," I whispered with more determination. "I want you, Jake."

I laid back down and watched him watch me, pulling my fingers through his hair repeatedly in a reassuring manner when I had felt him stiffen. I had no idea what I had done wrong but I hoped with everything in me that he wouldn't stop.

His fingers trailed softly down my left cheek. "Bells," he whispered.

I gave him the warmest and tenderest smile I could. "Jake," I whispered back. "Please."

He lowered his mouth down to mine, kissing me deeply. There was something different in this kiss. He still wanted me, I could feel that, but at the same time, it seemed the animalistic passion he had before me had abated some. I didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved somewhat since he was about to enter my body for the first time. However, I didn't realize that this very kiss was calming me yet still keeping the glowing ember deep down in the bottom of my stomach.

He slipped his hands underneath me and slowly pulled me up into his lap. His hands roamed my back tenderly, massaging, caressing, stroking. He never stopped kissing me and my hands had settled themselves into his hair, no longer grabbing or pulling, but merely grasping in the softest grip possible, to know I had a hold of him but also to keep every part of my body connected to his.

He pulled away and cupped my face, staring into my eyes. "Bella."

"Yes, Jake?" I waited for him to answer but instead, he just tucked my hair behind my ear.

"I'm not gonna be able to go back, am I?" He murmured absently, stroking a curl in between his fingers.

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that statement. My brain was getting clearer and clearer by the minute but obviously not clear enough.

"Jake?" I asked in confusion.

His eyes met mine and he seemed to snap out of it, tucking the wayward curl behind my ear as well. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

I bit my lip and couldn't help but avert my eyes. Why that was the one thing that made me shy in all of this, I have no idea. I forced it back down and lifted my eyes to his. "So are you."

He smiled and held my chin between his thumb and his index finger. "One last time, Bells. Are you sure this   
is what you want?"

I nodded, covering his hand with mine. "Yes."

He nodded and continued to stroke my face gently.

"Do you really want this.......with me?" I couldn't help but ask. I knew he wanted me, knew he wanted me around after tonight but in my moment of weakness and insecurity, I just had to ask. I needed to make absolutely certain. I didn't want to disappoint him.

He placed his forehead against mine, smiling softly at me. "What do you think?" He whispered.

I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip but that didn't stop the mindless rambling caused by my nervousness that ensued. "I do but Jake, I'm not gonna be any good. I mean, I know you know that, with this being my first time but I want you to enjoy it, too. I don't want it to be horrible for you and never want to sleep with me again. I know I'll be an epic fail but just teach me. I'm a quick learner. I mean, that was my first blowjob and I don't even know if I did it right. I mean, you seemed to enjoy it and I did, too, but I know you've had better and now, sex, I know you've had better there, too. And I don't want it to suck for you and be dull and make you think that I--"

He crushed my mouth with his, effectively stopping me mid-rant. "I don't think you know how much I want to fuck you, Swan." He nipped my lips playfully. "So, let me show you." He gently lowered me down onto the bed with him on top of me, never breaking our kiss.

I was so focused on him, I didn't realize he had moved his hand downwards until I felt his fingers prodding at my wetness.

Sensing me tense up, he whispered to my lips, "Relax, honey. This will help." I forced myself to relax like he said and bit my lip when he inserted a finger slowly into me. I felt a slight pressure and a bit of discomfort but it was quickly gone as he moved in and out of me. He kept kissing me, moving to my neck when I needed to breathe.

He made sure to move his thumb over my clit, around and around, and before long, I started to squirm a little. Once that happened, he pushed two fingers into me, making my breath hitch. When his thrusts started to pleasure me once more, he started to stretch his fingers out, making me whimper and digging my nails into his shoulders.

"I know, honey. I know. I have to try to stretch you a little, though. You're so goddamn tight," he ground out into my ear.

I felt him slip a third finger in during these motions, adding to the pain and pressure of him in his attempts to stretch me. A low whimper escaped me again and I shut my eyes, burrowing my head into his neck. "It's alright, honey. It's alright. This is gonna help."

I nodded but still stayed buried into him.

"If you want me to stop, Bells, tell me. I'll stop, honey."

I shook my head and he kissed my hair. I did my best to focus on his ministrations on my clit.

He lifted up, looking down at me, seeing my chest heaving in and out. He didn't say anything but I knew what he was waiting for.

"I-I'm ready," I breathed out.

He didn't move and I nodded to assure him that I had meant it. I was ready to give myself to him, to take the next step and become a woman in every sense of the word.

After a minute of silence, he nodded. He then sat back up and reached over to the drawer of his nightstand. I heard the crinkling sound I had been waiting for and looked up to find him standing next to the bed, taking his jeans off. I saw him lift the packet and tear the corner of it with his teeth.

I was going to watch him slip the condom on but my nerves surfaced once again, right at the last minute. While my brain was still somewhat fuzzy, I knew what was about to happen. And sure enough, first time jitters assaulted me. I looked away, focusing on the window instead, forcing myself not to think about his size or stretching or pain or anything. Jake was here with me. Jake would take care of me. I knew he would. Just like he promised.

I felt the bed sink near my legs and turned to see him placing his body over mine, settling himself in between my legs. He gently spread my thighs apart so he could move in more and I bit my lip nervously, watching him. I felt the tip of his member up against me and I lifted myself up onto my elbows to see him move it up and down my core.

His eyes then met mine. "Lay back," he whispered and I did as he requested, watching as he gripped his member and moved it to where it needed to be. I felt some pressure at my opening and I knew the pain was to come but I forced myself to keep my eyes on his.

He pressed the tip into me and a little breath escaped me. I licked my lips, doing my best to relax and ignore the pressure. I nodded once for him to continue and after a moment's hesitation, he did. The pressure got worse and worse until the pain started to rip through my core. My breath hitched and I gripped the bed covers around me, hoping the action would help ease the pain somewhat.

"Honey, do you want me to stop?"

I saw the concern in his eyes and shook my head. "N-No. K-Keep going."

He pulled out slightly and then pushed back in. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. The pain seemed to be the only thing I could focus on at that moment so I opened my eyes again to find Jake staring down at me and cupping my cheek.

"Honey--"

"I-I'm okay, Jake. " I gripped his arm to keep him from pulling back. "Please don't stop."

He stared at me uncertainly but then let out a breath. He pushed himself in until he came to my barrier. I was breathing quickly, trying to deal with the burning pain of being stretched to my limit by him and calm my racing heart from the anxiety I was currently experiencing. After this, there would be no going back. And that was what I wanted, wasn't it?

He gently lowered himself down to me, kissing my lips. "Ready?"

I nodded and gripped his shoulders tight. "Ready," I responded.

He placed his left hand on the headboard, holding onto it. The action made me slightly nervous and he noticed my furtive glances back and forth between him and his hand.

"Bella," he whispered, cupping my cheek with his right hand. I looked up at him and he smiled softly at me. "C'mere." He then leaned down and kissed me. The kiss lasted long enough that I began to melt into him, focusing on kissing him as deeply as he was kissing me. He broke away for a moment to whisper something to me, something I didn't understand, something I was sure was in Quileute. Then he kissed me again. Within seconds, his hips had snapped forward and he had broken through my barrier.

I tore my mouth away from his, screaming and then sinking my teeth into his shoulder. I clung to him desperately, taking small ragged breaths. I felt him kiss my right temple and hold onto me as my body shook. I had trouble understanding his reassuring whispers in my ear but I was able to make out, "It'll pass, baby. It'll pass, I promise. I'm right here, honey. Right here." I closed my eyes and whimpered, unable to hold it back, nearly melding him into me with my death grip. The pain was unbearable. I had never been big on the whole pain thing but in that area, inside you, in a place that's already tender and sore, I was hurting big time.

I heard his guttural groan in my ear. "Fuck, you are so damn tight. You feel fucking amazing, Bells. Shit."

His own breathing had picked up and I did my best to concentrate on breathing in and out, waiting for the sharp pain to subside. He kissed his way down to my lips and looked into my eyes. "You okay, baby?"

His thumb reached up and wiped a tear away that I had no idea had escaped. How could I explain how I felt to him? Were there any words that could describe it? I felt so incredibly full and yet fulfilled. I was in pain yet I was glad he was the one I had given this part of myself to. I didn't even want to think about Colin or any other guy in that position. It almost seemed a sacrilege to the moment Jake and I were sharing, not to mention it made my body shudder and my skin crawl. I knew with every fiber of my being that I had made the right choice.

I reached up to stroke his cheek and pulled him down to me, kissing him. I nodded and pulled an experimental move of my hips, to indicate I was ready. I was still in pain but it wasn't as bad as it had been a minute or two ago.

He stared at me, testing my body with a slow thrust of his own. A tiny sound escaped me that seemed to be between a moan and a gasp. He smiled and leaned back down to kiss me as he thrusted again. And again.

He moved in this slow and gentle pace for a bit, gently rocking into me, his fingers pressing into my clit to help my orgasm along.

He was sucking on my neck as I kept panting into his ear. "A little......more," I gulped for air.

His thrusts picked up speed slightly and so did my moans. He rotated his hips in ways I didn't even know were possible, moving them in directions that made my eyes cross.

"More," I begged.

He was moving at a frantic pace eventually and the headboard behind us was knocking consistently into the wall. His hand had dropped down to my left leg long ago, gripping under my knee and pushing it up slightly so he would have more access to the deepest part of me.

The ache still ebbed but at this moment, I was feeling more pleasure than anything else. He leaned his forehead against me, his eyes closed as he grunted and groaned repeatedly. I kept my eyes open, not wanting to miss a second of this.

We were both panting heavily near each other's mouths and I buried my nails into his ass, trying to push him further and faster into me. "Bells," he moaned.

"Jake......uhhh........God.......oh my.....Jacob....." I gasped when he hit a particular spot.

In a flash, he was up on his knees and I was in his lap. He kept thrusting up into me, his eyes never leaving mine. I tried to keep myself upright, I really did, to meet his movements, but the pleasure became too much and holding onto his broad shoulders didn't seem to work anymore. I tried to find purchase in his back but when the fire began flowing through my body, I ended up falling back. He slowed my descent but never stopped pounding into me.

My hands had nowhere to go. I felt like I needed to stretch as far as I could, grip onto anything solid. I wanted to contort myself into a position that would enable him to keep hitting that spot. My fingers roamed my body, scratching at my stomach, trying to dig into the bare skin. It wasn't enough. I needed.....well, I wasn't sure what I needed. I only knew I felt like I was close to combusting. One of his hands moved across my body, massaging a breast, squeezing, trailing down my stomach and then back up to my neck, while the other held onto my right hip tightly as he made me consistently bounce.

"Jacob," I gasped pleadingly. He stopped his movements and lifted me back up onto his lap. I took the opportunity to gulp for some much needed air and his hands cupped my face. "You.....okay?"

I nodded, covering his right hand with mine. "Yeah," I swallowed thickly. "Yeah."

He leaned his forehead against mine. "You sure?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Here," He turned us around and laid back with me on top of him, never once disconnecting us. He thrust gently a few times and I couldn't help but arch my back. This position was very gratifying.

"Does that feel okay?"

I opened my eyes and focused on him. "Oh yes," I breathed.

He smirked in satisfaction. I was too far gone, lost in the pleasure he was giving me, to rein his ego back in.

"C'mere, honey." He embraced me and pulled me down to him. He kissed me hotly and within seconds, he was pumping in and out of me at a steady pace.

"Oh God, Jake," I gasped when he went even faster. Vaguely, I registered the sounds of slapping skin echoing in the room. Was that us?

"Fuck," he swore. He stared into my eyes and moved even faster. "You feel so good, baby. So fucking hot. So tight," he panted.

He was driving me back up to that edge, fast. My mouth was hanging open in a very unattractive manner I was sure, but I couldn't control it. I couldn't control any part of my body at the moment, I was too paralyzed with the pleasure he was shooting up into me with each fast thrust. His hands were massaging my ass cheeks as he moved and I nearly shrieked when he slapped me, hard.

He let out a loud groan and I lifted away from him, enough that I could clench my fingers onto the headboard. It took every ounce of strength I had left, but I tried to move back to meet him whenever his hips rose to mine.

He lifted up as well and took my right breast into his mouth. He suckled me enthusiastically and my other hand joined the first. The knocking had gotten louder but I couldn't have cared less when I felt his teeth graze my nipple. I gasped and tried to move faster. The lava was boiling and getting ready to erupt, I could feel it at the bottom of my stomach.

Jake unlatched himself from me and grabbed my face, forcing me back down to him so he could watch me. "You're getting tighter, baby. You gonna come for me?"

I bit my lip. "Uh huh." My fingers were leaving grooves in the wood, I was sure. The molten lava was climbing up through my body. I could feel myself locking into place. I was close....

"Oh shit, yeah you are. Fuck. I wanna feel you. Can I, baby? Can I feel you?"

"Y-Yes," I gasped out.

"Bells, you sure?"

I tried to break out of his hold to arch my back and shut my eyes. "Y-Yes, I w-want you to. Oh God!"

"Fuck." He lifted me off of his length and I whimpered, still bucking my hips. "Jake," I whined. "Please don't stop. Please!" I was about to open my eyes and demand why the hell he had stopped and then command him to continue when I felt his hand between my legs.

"I'm not, honey. I promise, I'm not." He rubbed my clit furiously and moans spilled out of me. I then felt his member at my opening and nearly rejoiced when he pushed himself back inside. He was hotter and harder and.....damn, he just felt so good.

I opened my eyes and glanced down at him, in ecstasy over this new even more intense feeling. He was eyeing me warily but never stopped hammering his hips into me. "Okay?" He panted.

I nodded and arched my back, placing my hands on his thighs behind me, holding on for dear life. The liquid fire which had been cooling in the absence of him a few moments ago was now burning hotter and getting closer to the top. His hand never leaving my clit helped its resurgence tremendously.

My body started to bend back like a tightly strung bow. My nails dug into his skin making him moan and move faster. I could feel myself beginning to shake. "Jake," I gasped. "I'm gonna....."

"I know, baby. Do it." He groaned louder when I felt my muscles begin to clench. "Come for me."

The lava was bubbling just at the surface and sounds were pouring out of me that I never even knew I could make. "Jacob," I gasped again. "H-Hold me."

He was up in a flash, his arms around me, licking the beads of sweat trailing down my neck. "Right here, Bells. Right here." He angled his hips in such a way and drove deeper and harder.

My nails bit into his shoulders. "Oh fuck, honey. Oh fuck!" His yells were muted in the roar of the explosion sounding in my ears. I heard a long drawn out moan, embarrassingly loud, somewhere in the midst of this storm of white noise. My body tightened and it moved of its own accord, trying to climb something, reach for something more besides this blinding white that was flooding my brain rapidly. The burying of Jake's member was mindless, the need a primal one as my body tried to milk every bit of this wondrous feeling from the conductor drawing and shooting this bolt of lightning throughout my very being.

Even when I slammed back to Earth, dropping my head into Jake's shoulder as he rocked me back and forth as I rode out my orgasm, my hearing and coherency still didn't return. My body still moved to and fro, slower than before but still trying to keep the feeling from leaving me. However, much to my great dislike, it was dissipating back into the ether.

As I struggled to breathe against Jake's sweat-soaked skin, my thoughts came back to me one at time. What.....the fuck.....was that?

I had had orgasms before but damn! Later, when I could speak again, I would need to ask Jake how the hell he had drawn that from me. I couldn't even lift my head up to look at him. My body literally felt incapable of moving, even though my hips seemed to have no problem trying to jack Jake for another world-shattering orgasm.

The next thing I knew, Jake had flipped us onto my back and he had my legs up, bent at the knees, positioned right underneath his shoulders. He was pounding into me like a mindless animal.

I somehow had the presence of mind to grab his ass cheeks and help him move into me faster. He was grunting and the sweat was pouring off of him. "Fuck, Bells! Fuck!" His movements became jerkier and the headboard was all but banging into the wall. There was going to be a dent there later, no doubt about it. As fast as he had been fucking me before, it was nothing compared to the inhuman speed he was moving at now.

I tried to wrap my legs around him, to keep him closer to me without interrupting his rhythm. "Oh Jake, " I croaked out. I wanted to do something, anything, to help him achieve the bliss I had just experienced a mere minute ago. A flicker of a memory passed through my weakened brain though it felt like a diuretic had been directly applied to the tissue. Jake liked me to tell him what I wanted. Very explicitly.

"Jake, I want you to come."

His eyes snapped to mine but his body never stopped.

"Come, baby." Thank goodness I was still so depleted of blood rushing to my mind that I didn't even have the ability to blush or bite my lip shyly. "Come right now. I want to feel you."

His breathing was ragged and his eyes never left mine but his movements were starting to become uncontrolled. I could feel a pulsing within me but wasn't sure if that was a small remnant of my pleasure or him beginning to take his.

He kissed me passionately and then laid his forehead against mine, panting heavily. His pace slowed down just a bit. "Bells, I should pu--" He had begun to withdraw from me, but I grabbed his ass once again and pushed him back into me roughly. He groaned and looked down at me with wide eyes.

"No." I kissed his nose. "I don't want you going anywhere." After a couple of thrusts, when it didn't appear that he was trying to leave me again, I then grasped his face. "I want to see you do it."

His breathing got worse but he nodded. He pounded harder, almost making my head fall off the pillow and against the headboard a few times. He said something in another language again, whispering it to me when he could get a breath in. I could feel myself approaching that climb again, the lava filling for round two.

After one particularly hard thrust, his body tightened and he grunted supremely loud. He molded his hips to mine and pushed himself as deep as he could go. I vaguely registered a sort of liquid warmth starting to coat my insides right where I could feel Jake. I gasped when I felt more add to it, each time Jake's hips gave the smallest jerk.

Jake's head dropped to my shoulder and his body collapsed into mine. I barely could breathe but I found myself not caring in the slightest. It was worth any amount of precious oxygen to be able to hold him like this.

I saw his back rising and lowering in a fast rhythm and I could feel him ever so slowly moving within me. After a minute or so, I felt him move to pull out but I grabbed him again and forced him back in. "No, stay," I whispered into his ear. "Don't leave."

He lifted his head to look at me and then he nodded, laying his cheek near my collar bone. I stroked his face tenderly and kissed the top of his head. "Thank you."

He nodded again against me and continued gulping for air.

"That was amazing," I whispered in awe.

He stayed silent for a few minutes before rasping out, "Bells, you're on the pill, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, have been for a while now. Why?"

He let out a sigh of relief. "Just checking." And then he began to kiss my neck.

As we recovered, my brain must have started working again because a sudden thought hit me. Warmth.....inside me......from him. Asking me if I was on the pill.....

"Jake?"

He lifted one of my hands to his mouth and kissed it. "Yeah, honey?" He ground out.

"You took the condom off, didn't you?"

He stared at me, his eyes boring into mine intensely, almost as if he was trying to gauge whether I was joking or not. "Yeah," He pulled out of me and laid next to me, on his back, an arm behind his head, looking over at me. "What did you think I meant when I asked you if I could feel you?" He chuckled, sounding a little nervous.

I shrugged. It didn't bother me as much as it should, I realized that. Technically, I had just taken a risk, a huge one. But, I couldn't be mad at him, not when I studied his expression, seeing the worry behind it.

I moved to him, laying my head down on his chest, reveling in his warm embrace when he wrapped his free arm around me, holding me to him. "It's okay," I reassured him. "I'm on the pill and I can always get Plan B tomorrow."

"Okay," he whispered, almost sounding like a scared little boy. "I uh......I kind of got.....caught up in the moment.....I guess."

I giggled. “I think we both did.”

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “That’s for sure.” His fingers started to pull through my hair. “So, I take it that you were satisfied then?”

I grinned and lifted my head up. “More than satisfied.” I kissed him and he smirked against my lips. “Care for a repeat performance?”

I giggled again and he turned me over onto my back with him on top. “I’m counting on it, Black.”


	9. Richter Scales, Ties and Flashing Embry, Oh My!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.

I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my surroundings. I saw light trying to crack through the blinds on the window. I blinked a few times, trying to clear away any blurriness. It took me a minute but I realized I was not in my room. And man, I had a headache.

I groaned softly as I rubbed my right temple. I drank, no doubt about it. I could feel the familiar rolling in my stomach. I hadn’t drank that much…..had I? Wait, where the hell was I?

My eyes scanned the side of the room I was turned to, finding nothing that would spark any memories. Crap. If only I could peel away the fogginess from my brain like a thin layer of plastic covering, I could remember everything instantly. But, no such luck.

Well, this definitely was not my room, Jess’ room, Rose’s or Ang’s room. Obviously, it wouldn’t be Colin’s. My eyes widened and I let out a tiny gasp. Colin! A grainy image of Colin kissing me from the night before, telling me he loved me flashed through my mind. No, no, no…..no, there was no way…..this was not Colin’s dorm room at all and no one else’s I recognized. No, that did not happen.

My hand flew up to my mouth to stifle another gasp when I heard a faint breathing sound behind me and felt a hand that I had not noticed before in my search for clarity, curl tighter around my stomach and pull me back slightly into a warm body. I was frozen, too terrified to move, not sure what was happening. Feeling slow breaths fanning the back of my head, I wanted to scream but my throat refused to make the sound. I wanted to throw the mysterious arm off and jump out of the bed, running for the door. But, when the hand had gripped me, I had definitely noticed that my skin was bare. One quick glance down confirmed I was bare everywhere. Crap. I bit my lip nervously, heart pounding in my chest and forced myself to gently turn to see if I had indeed made a mistake I could never undo with a man I should have never allowed into my pants after what he’d done to me.

The relief washed over me in waves when I saw Jake’s sleeping face right next to me. Seeing him prompted more flashes and I let out a deep breath, so thankful that I had come home with Jake last night. The little glimpses here and there reminded me of just why I was bare and I could feel myself flushing yet becoming hot all over. How on earth could I have ever forgotten that? I wanted to smack myself in the head for ever allowing last night’s wonderful memories to be relegated to the back of my mind. So much so that Colin had been the first suspicion and not Jake. Idiot, I mentally berated myself. Stupid alcohol. For the eleventh time in the past few years, I once again vowed to never pick up a drink again. Let’s see if it lasts this time. Thank God, I hadn’t screamed and run out the door like I had planned moments before.

Three times. Jake and I had had sex three times. Amazing sex. I didn’t know it could be that good. Granted, I didn’t have much to compare it to but wow, he was truly amazing and talented at what he did. The way he made me feel……there’s no words that could ever describe it, I was sure.

He had been so gentle yet passionate with me. He had been sweet and considerate, always making sure I was okay and that my needs had been tended to. Three times he had put me before him on the priority list. And even though I had felt it last night, I had even more conviction that I had made the right decision in going to him for this…..matter. And he had said he wanted more, too. Which meant we would definitely get to do it all again, as much as we wanted. I smiled at the thought.

I studied him as he slept and couldn’t help but feel a tender affection for him. Who would have ever thought that the sullen boy with a hidden heart of gold I had met years ago in La Push would cross paths with me years down the road and be my first? And to think I had thought I loved Colin and was going to do this with him. My nose scrunched up in disgust. Edward I had loved but now, I was grateful that he never allowed us to take that step, that he hadn’t just been a typical guy and taken advantage of the situation to salvage his straight reputation even if he was batting for the other team. I gently lifted Jake’s hand from my stomach and brought it to my lips, softly kissing the top and holding it to my cheek. No, Jake had been everything I had wanted and so much more. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect first time, not only for myself but for any girl. He was so amazing…. I stared at him dreamily, dimly recalling how he had gotten a warm wet towel and cleaned both of us up after the second time, bringing me two Advil and some water without being asked. He had held me to him once we were finally finished, stroking my back and kissing my forehead intermittently as we laid there silently until we had both fallen asleep. I had been nearly passed out when I heard him mumble sleepily, “Not going back.” I had no idea what he meant but I smiled wider and kissed his hand one more time before laying it down near him as carefully as I could.

As per usual every morning, within five minutes of waking, the pangs started and the need to relieve myself became imminent. I slowly moved the sheet off of me and sat up. I grimaced as the ache hit me. Damn. Jake had definitely given me a workout, no doubt about that. I felt overused and my body was weary but it was a delicious soreness in how it came to be. I gently got to my feet, wincing as I went. I was grateful that once again I hadn’t tried to run; running would have never been an option with this tenderness all throughout my lower half. I took cautious steps towards the dark corner where I had left my overnight bag the night previously. None of the shirts I had with me were long enough to cover my nakedness and I wasn’t going to get dressed just to undress again, and I definitely planned on undressing once more. I glanced around the room, convinced Jake had a t-shirt or something I could borrow for a moment. I spotted his shirt from last night on the floor and made my way over to it. I quickly unbuttoned it, slipped it on and redid the buttons as fast as I could.

When I was at the last few on the top, my eyes lingered on Jake in the bed. I shook my head; I was still in disbelief at how things had changed so quickly in my life. Jake and I had only reconnected two days ago; a day and a half was more accurate. We had barely known each other, even with our past connection, but it seemed both of us had allowed each other to run through our minds every now and then the past nine years. And now, in such a short time, I had grown quite fond of him. Well…..fond was the wrong word; I cared about him. I didn’t want him hurt, I cared what he thought, didn’t want to inconvenience him, loved seeing him smile….

Yes, I cared about him. And to be quite honest, compared to a few days ago, even on say Thursday, I would have never imagined making such an important connection and it changing things around so drastically. I had still been nursing my heartbreak over Colin (when I had thought I had loved him, that is) and made a snap decision, wanting to rid myself of my loathed virginity once and for all. I was convinced that love wasn’t something I was meant to experience. Love only led to pain; my experiences, as few as they were, had taught me that. So, sex would be had and no attachments would be formed; it would be strictly casual. I had needs and they needed to be met, pure and simple. And now……now I couldn’t imagine not having Jake there, not knowing him better than this, not being able to see him. I didn’t realize last night just how glad I was that he had asked me to stick around.

I frowned at the thought. If I didn’t know any better, I sounded like someone who could be in danger of developing feelings for someone, someone who was not completely available. Granted, he promised he wouldn’t be with anyone else while he was with me, but I was no fool; it would only be a matter of time before he was bored of me. Jake wasn’t the relationship type guy; he had made that abundantly clear. I sighed and picked up my overnight bag, satisfied that the shirt covered me enough that I could make the quick trip to the bathroom across the hall.

I would take as much time as Jake allowed me and be grateful for it. In the end, I could only hope that he still remained in my life somehow like Edward had. I got the distinct feeling that I would have much more to lose if Jake walked away entirely than if Edward and I had never reconciled.

I shook my head to clear it of such thoughts and made my way to the door. One more glance back at Jake confirmed he was still asleep. I then carefully and soundlessly opened the door, walked out and closed it. I looked in both directions in the hallway, thankful no one else seemed to be awake yet. I hurried (as much as I could) to the bathroom door and shut myself in as quietly as possible. The last thing I needed was Embry or one of the guys seeing me in this state; they would never let up until I was about sixty if I was lucky.

My eyes scanned over the room and when the shower curtain entered my vision, a grainy image flashed in my head.

_A rough grunt escaped Jake as his body pushed further into mine and tightened, staying there. I smiled against his shoulder as I felt the now familiar warmth wash over me and tried to alleviate my desperate need for air after coming back from my own edge I had just fallen over._

_Jake gave a few shallow thrusts, never leaving me yet moving slower and slower each time until he came to a complete stop. His forehead fell to my shoulder and he let out a shaky breath. "Fuck, Bells."_

_I chuckled and lifted my head tiredly, smiling stupidly. "I believe you just did."_

_He laughed and shook his head, raising it to look at me, also smiling widely. He kissed me and then moved to disconnect us and let me down. I tightened my thighs around him in a vise grip and pouted at him. "You're staying," I growled._

_His eyes widened a tiny bit in shock but he stopped trying to move away. Another laugh erupted out of him and he kissed my forehead. "I've created a monster. Three times not enough?" He smirked down at me and I smirked right back at him._

_I gave an experimental roll of my hips, ignoring the throbbing ache encompassing everything down below that accompanied the movement. He grunted and jerked forward slightly, placing his right hand flat on the wall by my head. He brought his face closer to mine and I could tell he wanted it again as badly as I did but I knew he needed time to recover. My tongue peeked out and traced his jawline making his groan echo out into the shower._

_"I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I?"_

_I pulled away, grinning. "Do you have a problem with that?"_

_He shook his head, smirking once again. "Not at all. But," He leaned in and kissed me hotly. "You're gonna be hurting if we continue. You're already not gonna be able to walk tomorrow as it is. Maybe we should take a rest."_

_My grin formed into a cocky smirk. "That confident of our skills, are we?"_

_His own smirk got wider. "You know I have reason to be," he whispered to my lips before kissing me again. "Come on," He lifted us off of the wall and turned towards the showerhead, smacking my backside, making me glare at him. "Most of the hot water's gone." He gently let me down, holding my sides to steady me. I couldn't help but grimace when on my own two feet. Jake was right, I wouldn't be walking tomorrow. My body was overused, satiated but in need of a good rest. I tried to hide my reaction but Jake had seen it. That didn't stop me from pouting up at him again, though._

_He didn't say anything, just kept smiling while turning me around to face the stream of water. "I promise you, when you're feeling better, you're in for a couple of long nights. I'm going to lick every inch of your beautiful body. I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop," he whispered into my left ear._

_"That will never happen," I whispered back before turning my head to kiss him._

My cheeks flamed but I smiled happily at the memory. I would make sure Jake kept that promise and the small tingles near the bottom of my belly at the thought had me buzzing with excited anticipation.

After taking care of business, I went to the sink to wash my hands and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look any different compared to yesterday. As a matter of fact, I looked atrocious. My eye make-up was smudged and my lips were plump and somewhat bruised. I definitely had the sex hair thing going on though I had a feeling I would be dubbed the worst case of it in some book of world records for sexual encounters. I noticed I had a few love bites raining down my neck and I couldn’t help but smile again as I remembered how I had gotten those.

I did feel different, though, as cliché as it might sound. I was no longer a virgin and was now truly a woman. The aches and soreness were testament to that fact. I smiled shyly at my reflection once more and went to work. I fixed my hair as best I could; I cleaned my face up and I brushed my teeth. When I was done, I gave myself a once over and then a satisfactory nod before throwing everything into my toiletry bag. I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door as quietly as possible. After a few glances, I determined everyone was still asleep and padded towards Jake’s room.

Big mistake.

I froze when Embry had turned the corner from the rec room, a cup of coffee in his hand, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, his hair still sticking up from sleep. He stood stock still with his mouth hanging open in shock. It took me a minute but then I shrieked quietly in embarrassment and rushed right into Jake’s room, making noise no longer my concern. I laid back against the door and closed my eyes, hitting my head against the door in irritation. Fuck. Embry was the worst person to catch me in this state. Why couldn’t it have been anyone else? Like one of the girls one of the other guys brought home last night? Or Jess? Or Paul? Or Jared? Even Quil? Not Embry. I groaned quietly as the next week rapidly played out in my head, all the wise ass cracks, jokes and humiliation that would have to be endured making me groan again.

“Bells?”

My eyes snapped open at the groggy voice. I saw Jake, very much awake, now dressed in boxers and sitting on the edge of the bed, facing me. He looked deliciously sexy even with his sleepy sex hair and with barely anything on. I couldn’t help but stare in appreciation. My body heated up quickly when I thought about just what that body had done to mine.

That heat quickly cooled when I noticed the worry in his dark eyes. A frown quickly formed on my face. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer and I walked over to him, placing my bag on the floor before sitting next to him. I hugged his arm and laid my chin on his shoulder, looking up at him. “Are you okay?”

He sighed and put his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m fine,” I whispered. He nodded against me and pulled away. My frown deepened; something was wrong that he wasn’t telling me and now it felt like he was putting distance between us, not just physically, and I wasn’t having that. I crawled into his lap, cupped his face and forced him to look at me. “Jake, please tell me what’s wrong.”

His hands started to skim my back. “Nothing. I just…..” He then rubbed his nose along mine tenderly. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, Bells.”

My face started to soften as my mind raced through the possibilities of what could have upset him in the last ten minutes and then it hit me; could he be regretting…..things? I bit my lip and averted my eyes. Did he not want……

“Bells, stop thinking so hard. I can hear the gears in your brain turning from here.”

I glanced up at him to find him smiling softly at me. It lessened the anxiety……just a bit. “Are you…..” I had to think about how to phrase this without making it sound like an accusation or me not trusting him. “I mean……” I bit my lip harder in my nervousness, afraid of the answer. I couldn’t look at him while I asked this. “Was last night……not…..” I struggled for the right word. “Satisfying?” I internally winced; that wasn’t the right word. Could I not have said anything better than that?

Jake laughed and my eyes flicked to him, my stomach feeling like it was free floating, not sure where to go, up or down. The pit of anxiety deep within me started to grow and whatever happiness I had felt that morning became nonexistent. My lips tightened into a thin line and I went to get to my feet when he stopped me.

“Bells,” His hand cupped my chin and he brought my eyes up to meet his. “I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just….I can’t believe that’s what you’re worried about. Last night was some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Ever,” he emphasized.

My cheeks warmed and I dropped my gaze. “You don’t have to say that,” I whispered. “I know you’ve had better with more experienced girls.”

He sighed and gripped my chin harder, making me stare into his eyes one more time. “I’m not saying it just to say it. It’s the truth, Bells. What I experienced with you last night…..nothing comes close to it. Trust me.”

When I didn’t respond, he sighed again, this time in obvious irritation. “Bells, you’re the only girl I’ve brought back home with me. You’re the only one that’s been here in my bed. You’re the only one I’ve asked for more with…..what does all of that tell you?”

I bit my lip, nodding and blushing further. I knew my insecurities were creating doubt in my mind and I needed to stop listening to them. Jake had a point; even Embry had said as much last night. Now, I felt like an idiot. “Sorry,” I whispered.

He shook his head and lifted me, laying us back into the pillows and growling playfully in mock frustration, with me on top of him, his arms wrapped tight around me. “You’re a maniac, Bells. As if last night wasn’t _satisfying_. Christ.”

A slow smile spread across my face as I listened to his heart beat underneath my right ear. “True.” But then my brows pulled in and I lifted my head to look up at him. “Then why did you look so worried before?”

He looked uncomfortable, wearing a sheepish expression. He scratched his temple nervously. “Well……I, uh…….I woke up and you were gone. I didn’t see your bag though I saw your clothes from last night. But after a few minutes, when you still didn’t come back, I thought maybe you had……left?”

My brows arched in surprise. “And I’m the maniac?”

He shrugged and leaned down to kiss my lips. “Ah, we’re both nutjobs. Here you are, worrying last night sucked for me and I’m worrying that it sucked for you, so much that you snuck out while I was asleep, not even saying goodbye.”

“How could you ever suck?” I asked incredulously. When one of his brows rose up meaningfully, I rolled my eyes. “Okay, rephrase. How could you ever think that I didn’t…….enjoy myself last night with you?”

He shrugged again and wound a loose curl around his fingers. “I thought that you did but when I didn’t see you here…..I got nervous.”

I sighed and placed my chin on top of my folded hands on his chest. “You’re right, we are a couple of nutjobs.”

He chuckled. “Yep, we definitely are.”

I looked up at him earnestly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. I just really had to use the bathroom.”

He grimaced. “Geez, now you’ve got me sounding like the girl. I was just worried I had hurt you or done something or said something that I shouldn’t have. That’s all.”

I smirked knowingly. “Uh huh.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Honest.”

I smirked wider, shaking my head and laying it against his chest again, closing my eyes. “I’ll never tell,” I promised.

He growled quietly and I laughed. We were both silent for a few minutes, with him stroking my hair and me running my fingers up and down his upper arm. “I’m glad I’m here with you right now,” I confessed.

“Me, too,” he admitted. He pulled my body up towards him and he kissed the top of my head. “Are you hungry?” He murmured. “I could make something for us.”

I smiled. “I am hungry,” I then glanced up at him. “But not for food.”

“Really?” I noticed his eyes getting darker and felt him move me a few inches higher until my lips could reach his. “Um-hmm.” I kissed the corner of his mouth but then slowly trailed down to his jawline. His fingers dug into my back, holding me there.

“I thought you said you had to go back to your dorm to get more clothes.”

My head shot up and I stared at him quizzically. “Are you denying me sex right now?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Christ, I’ve really created a monster. Don’t you want to take it easy for a little while? Your body’s gotta be sore, Bells. We went at it pretty good last night.”

“I remember,” I purred as I slid my body down his, intent on reaching one of my favorite destinations before his grip stopped me. I glared up at him and he smirked, about to open his mouth and say something, when I broke out of his grasp and moved to straddle him. I started a slow grind and his eyes closed, his head leaning back into the pillow.

“Bells,” he swallowed thickly.

“Hmmm?” I grabbed one of his hands and lifted it underneath my shirt—well, his shirt. His eyes opened and his hand came to life, squeezing and kneading my left breast. I moaned and arched my back, leaning to place both of my hands on his thighs behind me, helping me to grind into him more effectively, just like he'd taught me.

“You’ve got nothing on under there, Bells? Fuck.” I felt him sit up and start to kiss my neck, making me moan again. “You look so fucking sexy in my shirt.” I moved again and he groaned. “How sore are you?” He asked with a rasp.

I opened my eyes and smiled wide; I knew I had won. “Not _that_ sore,” I teased as I rubbed against him once more. Wow, if I wasn't careful, what I was feeling right now underneath me might become a new addiction.

Jake's eyes reached their darkest hue yet, just like last night. He picked me up and lightly threw me back onto the pillows behind him. I giggled and he ripped the shirt open, making me gasp. He didn’t seem to care in the least that the buttons went flying everywhere.

Jake gave me a predatory smirk as he grabbed two pillows and stuffed them between the wall and the headboard. He then moved to hover over me, grabbing both of my hands in one of his and holding them above my head. “Keep them here and don’t move,” he growled. I nodded and he jogged to his closet, grabbing something I couldn’t see before hurrying back. He climbed on top of me once again. I gasped when I saw he had a tie in his hand. His smirk turned wicked and he tied my hands together, before tying it around one of the tops of the headboard. “That too tight?”

I shook my head, watching him excitedly, wondering just exactly what he was planning.

He quickly undressed, tossing his boxers over his shoulder and took my thighs into his hands. He leaned down until his lips were right above my own. He stared into my eyes, with that devious gleam in his. “You don’t want me to go easy on you? I won’t go easy on you.” He dug his teeth into my bottom lip and tugged before releasing it. “You sure you’re up for this, Bells?” He growled quietly.

I smirked back at him. “I guess breakfast will just have to wait.” His own smirk widened and then he pounced.

………

I had my cheek against his chest and my left leg was tangled within his. He was still struggling for breath as was I; our skin was slick with sweat, both of our hair damp with it. “Holy fuck,” he panted.

I nodded, still unable to speak.

“Wow.”

I smiled and turned to lay on my back next to him. “Yeah,” I whispered.

He turned his head to look at me. “Where the hell did you learn to do that?”

I flushed slightly and covered my eyes with my arm, still trying to be able to breathe properly. “Um…….well……I kind of read it on this site once…..”

He chuckled and I dropped my arm to stare at him. “That must have been one hell of a site. Jesus.”

I chuckled myself and shook my head and curled into the crook of his arm. “It wasn’t _that_ kind of site, Jake. I just…..well, I got curious about……well…..what would…..you know.”

“Drive me fucking insane?”

I laughed. “Something like that.” I then looked up at him. “What about you?”

He grinned in dreamy satisfaction. “What about me?”

“What was with the tie? Where did that come from?”

He shrugged and hugged me closer, smirking. “Just improvisation. It was the quickest thing I could think of.”

I shook my head, laughing once more. “Whatever you say, Fifty.”

He gazed down at me questioningly. “Fifty?”

I smiled and pulled him down to kiss me. “Just this over the top book I read once. He was into the whole BDSM thing supposedly.”

He snorted and rolled on top of me, placing kisses down to my ear. “I don’t even want to know where you got that book. Same site?”

I smacked his shoulder, making him chuckle. “No. Jess and Rose went on and on about it, told me it was the best book ever written, it was so hot. And Rose doesn't read so for her to not only go out and buy a book but then to actually open it.... So, I read it.”

“And?” He whispered teasingly into my ear. “Did you bring it with you?”

I smacked him again. “No. Call me crazy but I don’t like someone having complete control over me that enjoys hurting me. So, we can skip those guidelines, thanks.”

His head snapped up. “Enjoys hurting you? What the fuck?”

I chuckled and shook my head, pulling him down to me. “Don’t ask.”

He resisted me and when I stared at him in puzzlement, he stroked my cheek gently. “Bells, I would never hurt you. You know that, right?” I nodded. “If it bothers you, I won’t ever do that again. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

This weird feeling consumed my chest and I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, reassuring him that I would never think of him that way. I lifted up to kiss him and urged him onto his back where I could cover his body with my own. “You didn’t make me feel like that, silly.”

His brows pulled in. “But then, why did you call me Fifty?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Because he had this tie he liked to use, one that the main character liked. She was constantly going on about it: ‘Oh my. My inner goddess loves that tie. Oh my.’ More like the inner monologue drove me nuts. I still have no idea why the girls loved it so much. To think, Rose finally read something other than US Weekly and it had to be that series. Just tragic.” I shook my head in disbelief.

“So,” He stared at me, worried. “You don’t think I’m like him then?”

My eyes widened. “God, no. I was just being……facetious. “ When he still seemed uncertain, I leaned down to kiss him gently. “I trust you.” This seemed to be the reassurance he needed and he kissed me back. His hands rubbed my back as I kissed him a little more passionately. I moaned into his mouth, signifying just where I wanted to take this.

He laughed against my lips and tenderly pushed me away. “You are a demanding woman. Something tells me I’m not gonna get a lot of rest this week. Christ. Come on, time to get some food.”

I whimpered unhappily and he just laughed again, sitting us both up. “Let’s go. I need some recuperating time or I am quite possibly in danger of being sexed to death.”

I snorted and crawled off of him. “Alright. But, you are not out of the danger zone yet, buddy.”

He shook his head, chuckling. “Yep, I’ve created a monster. With my own monster.” He winked at me, his lips forming into a cocky smirk. I rolled my eyes which made him chuckle once more.

I got to my feet, letting out a sharp gasp once the pain overwhelmed me. Maybe Jake might have had a point when he said I should take it easy. This was worse than this morning. Holy crow.

He was instantly next to me, his hands loosely hanging onto my hips, steadying me. “Are you okay, Bells? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I ground out. “Just a little……sore.”

Realization dawned on his face and he nodded knowingly, gently pushing me back onto the bed. “Lay down. I’ll be right back.” He grabbed his boxers from the floor and threw them on.

“Jake, I’m fine,” I protested. “I just need a minute, that’s all.”

“With the way we just went at it and what you did near the end, I’m willing to bet your body’s more sore than it was this morning. Am I right?”

I bit my lip but remained quiet.

He gave me another smug smirk. “Thought so.” His smirk widened when I glared at him. “Alright, stay here for a minute. I’ll come back for you in a sec.” He headed out the door before I could respond.

I laid myself down gently as he had instructed and a dreamy smile appeared on my face. I had the most amazing guy not only having the most amazing sex with me but does the most amazing things out of the sack as well. This was too good to be true.

I must've been lost in my thoughts longer than I realized. Jake was standing next to the bed, smirking down at me. "What are you smiling about?"

I shrugged, smiling wider. "If you had happen to you the same thing I had happen to me in the last twelve hours, you'd be smiling, too."

He laughed and sat down on the bed, leaning down to kiss me. "Last time I checked I was there." He smirked against my lips. "I take it that my performance was _satisfactory_ then?"

"Satisfactory?" I asked in disbelief. "I'd give it two thumbs up, five stars, a hundred on a scale of one to ten, an A+, an 11.0 on the Richter scale...."

He kept kissing me, laughing. "What a performance review. I've never gotten one that complimentary before."

I pulled my fingers through his hair. "What are you talking about?" I chuckled. "You get nothing but complimentary reviews, all over the place. Tons. What do you think brought me here?"

That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. Jake frowned and pulled away from me, his eyes tightening angrily. "Right, I forgot. Because I fucked two of your besties and they told you how good I was. Because sex is all I'm good for, right?"

My jaw dropped and I sat up, wincing but ignoring the pain to try to assauge Jake's that I had unintentionally caused him. He stood up when I went to take his hands, looking away from me, both fists clenched. "Of course not, Jacob. I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I didn't mean it that way. I was just--"

"Whatever," he muttered. "Your Advil's on the bed. I was going to bring you something to eat but I think I'll jump in the shower first. Like you said, breakfast can wait." He stormed out of the room without meeting my eyes once.

I stared after him sadly, wondering what I could do to rectify things. I hadn't meant to insult him or make him sound as if he was nothing more than some gigolo who was willing to render services without payment. His words resounded in my head and I slowly and carefully got out of bed.

I grabbed the shirt Jake had ripped the buttons off of from the floor, wincing as I did. I slipped it on and held it closed with one hand. It felt like it took me forever but I finally reached the bathroom door across the hall. I heard the shower running and I was thankful no one was in the hall to see me in all my naked glory. The shirt covered some things but not everything; not without its buttons.

I slowly turned the knob and stepped into the room. Steam filled the air and I could see the outline of Jake's form in the shower. He was standing, leaning forward with his hands flat on the tile in front of him and his head was hanging down beneath the showerhead. I shed the shirt and carefully but quietly stepped into the shower behind him. He must have sensed my presence because he turned around to see me standing there. "What? You here for more shower sex?" He scoffed before facing away from me.

I cautiously moved closer to him and gripped his shoulders, bringing my front to his back. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I brushed my lips near the top of his right shoulder blade. "I never meant to make you think that I only......" I bit my lip. "I care about you, Jake. I do. I know it hasn't been that long but.....I didn't agree to more for the sex. I said yes because of you." He stayed silent and was still as a statue. "I came to you, yes, for my first time because I had heard from Rose and Jess both that you were the best sex they'd ever had. You already know that. But you also know that I came to you, knowing who you were, because I knew I'd be safe with you. Losing my virginity may have been the objective, but you were the reason I came to you." I pressed a soft kiss higher than the last one. "If the sex was all that mattered to me, then I wouldn't have come back into your room this morning," I finished in a whisper.

I waited but Jake still gave no response. My eyes began to burn with the tears that threatened to spill; I bit my lip to keep them bay. After all, it was I that was in the wrong here, not him. I released him and took a step back to give him some space. "I'll understand if you no longer want me to stay." A minute of quiet passed; still nothing. I bit my lip even harder as I turned to open the curtain and step out. I stopped and looked back at him, his body still rigid. "Thank you for last night and this morning......for everything. It turned out to be more special than I had a right to hope. So, thank you." Once again, silence was the only thing I was given in return. "I just want to say this one thing before I leave. Sex isn't all you're good for, Jacob. There's so much more to you than that and I'm sorry.....I'm sorry if other women haven't seen that and have made you feel that way in that past. Because they have no idea what they're missing. They have no idea just how amazing you are out of bed. But....don't ever think that of yourself, only being good for the sack, because it simply isn't true. You're worth more than that." As expected, sounds of the running water were the only answer I received. "Take care of yourself, Jake. Bye," I whispered.

I stepped out of the shower, picked up the shirt and went to redress so I could leave.

..........

I sniffled as I stuffed last night's clothes into my overnight bag. How stupid of me to say such a callous thing. I didn't blame him for being angry and not wanting me around anymore. Had our roles been reversed, I would've been just as mad.

I zipped up the bag, wiped my cheeks and slipped my hoodie on. I had just pulled my hair out from underneath the collar when I heard a barely there whisper behind me. "Bella."

I turned around to see Jake, standing there with a towel tied around his waist. His hair was still wet and droplets of water were sliding down his body at a quicker speed than usual. It looked as if he had just jumped out of the shower, covered himself and came straight into the room. Any other time I might have watched those drops make their journeys down to his pecs and abs in fascination but right now.....right now the only thing I could focus on was the expression Jake wore. He seemed crestfallen and his eyes were tight once more, though this time absent of the anger from before.

"Did you already call a cab?" He asked quietly.

That stung more than I had expected it to, just as Jake's anger and dismissal of me had hurt worse than I ever thought it could. I turned away from him to pick up my things so he wouldn't see the fresh tears that were making their way down my face. I wiped them away discreetly and slung my bag over my shoulder. "No. But don't worry, I will when I go outside. If it's okay with you, I'll just wait on the steps until it gets here."

I went to take my phone out of my pocket when I was spun around and pulled into strong arms which pushed me up against a solid warm chest in a tight embrace. "Don't go," Jake murmured into my neck where he had burrowed into.

I was in shock; this was the last thing I would've thought he would do. "But.....I-I thought you wanted me to go....."

"No." He shook his head and sighed heavily against my skin. "No, I don't want you to go." His grip tightened, almost seeming desperate to keep me there. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thought......I took that the wrong way and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." He took a deep breath and moved back to lay his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. "Stay," he whispered. "Please stay."

I was still recovering from the shock of him apologizing. Why was Jake sorry? He wasn't the idiot who made it sound like she was about to leave three hundred dollar bills on the table after a night of fantastic sex. "Are you sure you want me to? It's okay if you don't. Maybe--"

He kissed me gently and cupped my face, staring intently into my eyes. "I want you to stay. If it's still what you want, too."

I slowly nodded and he let out a breath sounding an awful lot like relief. For the first time in the last fifteen minutes, Jake smiled, a small smile but a smile nonetheless. "Let's try this again. Are you hungry?"

"A little...." I whispered.

"Me, too. Let me get dressed and we'll go see if there's any food that didn't expire two years ago around." My face screwed up in disgust and he laughed, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Based on what I saw last night, I think we have a better chance of finding gold. Just hopefully, not under all of that."

Jake laughed, removing my bag and placing it back on the floor. He kissed my forehead and smirked at me. "The diner it is then. We'll stop at your dorm after."

"Okay. I can get my cleaning supplies then. Quil's other science experiments in the fridge don't stand a chance," I joked nervously.

"You're a guest, Bells," he chuckled. "You're not supposed to clean."

"Who said anything about cleaning? I'll be battling while you're at work."

Jake chuckled again and moved towards his dresser. "Just let me get dressed and then we'll go."

I watched him as he pulled out the different articles of clothing he would need. I bit my lip and spoke before I lost my nerve. "Jacob." He glanced over at me, smiling. I made my way over, stopping a foot away from him. "I'm really sorry," I said with conviction, letting him know how much I meant it.

His smile faded and he shut the drawer he had been ransacking before closing the distance between us. "I'm sorry, too, Bells. Let's just forget it and start over, okay?" He kissed me deeply and gave me one more quick peck as he moved away. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom real quick and finish up. There's coffee in the kitchen if you want it." My eyes followed him to the door, noting that he didn't glance back at me and flash a smile like he had so many times before; that hurt and worried me at the same time. Something was still wrong. "I'll be right back, babe." He stepped out, shutting the door, and I sat down on the bed, staring off into space, losing myself in thought. I really hoped that I could fix things and that more was still Jake's agenda like it was mine.


End file.
